BSG – Helo/Lee - We Drink on the Job
Jan. 18th, 2006 11:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveNamed for the song by Earlimart and dedicated to my girls, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
serialkarma and ethrosdemon who enable me so well, even though they've totally both abandoned me today. Yeah, I said it. :p
Battlestar Galactica
Helo/Lee, (Lee/Kara, Helo/Sharon) – NC-17
We Drink on the Job*
*A loose sequel to To Be Young (is to Be)
Helo has freckles on his shoulders and across his cheeks. He wrinkles his nose in his sleep. Helo is a lot bigger than Lee, so he always takes up most of the bed. His arms and legs are everywhere, except for the space that, even in his sleep, he seems to know belongs to Lee. Helo never crushes Lee by accident. He never rolls over and knocks Lee out of the bed. He tosses and turns in his own area, and never drools on Lee's pillow, and Lee remembers this like he remembers everything else that he's been trying to forget for the last thirty-two days. Except that Lee's bunk is too small for him to roll over, and it could never fit Helo and Lee together. Lee's space on Galactica is just too small for his memories and Helo's ghost, so, night after night, Lee tosses and turns, flipping through his memories and replacing 'has' with 'had.'
*
Helo had enormous hands. Huge. His palms were vast and his fingers were thick and long. For someone of Helo's size they fit him perfectly, callouses, scars and all. Lee used to catch himself staring at Helo's hands in the mess hall, remembering how Helo's hands had felt on his hips and thighs the night before.
Lee used to suffer from flashbacks at all the wrong times.
In his classes he would have random images of Helo mouthing his hipbone, and his feet on Helo's shoulders. In the simulator, he would remember Helo frakking him in the bathroom of some random dirty bar, Helo's mouth on the nape of his neck, and Helo deep inside him. Lee could feel the phantom fingers teasing the head of his cock, and Helo biting his shoulder when he came.
Sometimes, in the mess, Lee would lick his lips and remember the whorls of Helo's fingertips rubbing against his mouth. Helo never seemed to realise what he was doing, but Kara would kick his chair and Zak would laugh at him without saying so much as a word.
*
Helo and Lee spent a lot of time together working to pay off Kara for ruining her sofa after the one time they had sex on it. The sofa was worth every cubit. The time Lee spent with Helo was priceless.
*
The first time Helo touched Lee, they were drunk out of their minds. The first time they kissed, Lee couldn't even taste Helo for the ambrosia on his tongue. The first time they frakked, Lee was as sober as the judge, and when he closes his eyes he can remember the look of wonder that crossed Helo's face when he was inside of Lee's body.
In the Galactica showers, late at night –- or what passes for night in space -- Lee turns on all the showers and shuts himself in the last shower at the end of the last row. He touches himself using the bottle of lubrication that Kara slipped to him before she left to go back to Caprica. Everyone leaves him in the end.
Lee's own fingers aren't nearly as long and thick as Helo's were, and they don't feel the same when he manages to brush against that bunch of nerve endings that Helo always hit.
If Lee closes his eyes, he and Helo are frakking in the rain, like they did that one time they went camping with Zak and Kara. When they got back to the campsite they said they'd gotten lost, and Kara had thrown her cigar at Lee's head. "You must think we're as stupid as you are," she'd mocked.
Helo and Zak snickered, and Lee narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance. "Oh, now your siding with the enemy?" he said, poking Helo in the arm. "If you think you're getting laid again anytime soon, mister, you've got another thing coming."
At that Helo had laughed that full, deep, dirty chuckle that made Lee's ears burn. "Whatever you say, Adama."
That night though, Helo had unzipped Lee's sleeping bag and jerked him off hard enough for Lee to see stars inside their tent. Lee had fallen asleep half in his bag and half in Helo's. He'd woken up the next morning with his head tucked into Helo's neck and his arm thrown across Helo's chest.
That was nothing like this. That was nothing like Lee in the showers now.
Now, masturbation is perfunctory. A release of hormones and emissions so that Lee can focus on the things that are important, like staying alive. Like not thinking of Helo. Lee jerks himself off so that he can stop dwelling on thoughts of Helo's hands, and Helo's mouth, and Helo's fingers inside of him, stretching and stroking.
If Lee squeezes his eyes closed hard enough, maybe he won't feel Helo's mouth brushing against the shell of his ear, coaxing him to relax and to open up. To let Helo in.
Lee let Helo in once and look what happened to that.
It's been almost six weeks since the Cylons attacked and all Hades broke loose. Helo is still gone, his father's still in recovery, and Lee's orgasm is like someone spiking his ambrosia with arsenic.
When his knees buckle, the wall behind him does nothing to hold him up. He kneels on the cold flooring and wonders how he got to this point. Eventually he gets to his feet and goes off in search of a drink.
*
Everyday Lee tells himself that he misses Helo less. Lee has had his time to mourn, and he's made peace with the fact that Helo stayed behind on Caprica. It shouldn't hurt anymore. Lee shouldn't get heartburn when he sees the Chief and remembers how much he was in love with that thing that pretended to be Sharon. Lee shouldn't clench his fists tightly when he thinks about how much Helo considered that fake-Sharon his friend. If he thinks too hard about the not-Sharon shooting his father he might have an aneurysm, and Lee is not fixating. At least he's trying not to, because Helo did the right thing. Helo always did the right thing. That's what Lee lo -– appreciated about Helo.
Helo always did the right thing.
*
Ghosts don't smile.
Ghosts do not limp and bitch and give, "Honey, I'm home" smiles when they come off the dock.
Karl Agathon is dead.
Lee knows this because Sharon, no, not Sharon, that simulation of some entity that was named Sharon. No, no, no, no. Whatever "it" is called, when "it" came back to Galactica, "it" came back without Helo. The thing -- it -- it said that Helo had stayed behind on Caprica.
It said that Helo had sacrifced Lee for the greater good -- and this was why you could never trust a Cylon.
Lee kisses Kara instead of Helo, because you can't kiss ghosts.
Especially ghosts who come back with Cylons.
*
Helo is waiting in the aft cargo hold on the second deck for Lee. Lee knows this, because when they made their first tour in the Galactica, they made it theirs, and Lee's spent more time in this cargo hold than he's spent in some of his Vipers.
Helo looks, well, he looks like Helo, just a little more dirty and wary. His eyes are just as blue, and his fingers are just as long. His legs are sprawled out before him, and he gives Lee the same easy smile that he's always had for him, even when Lee didn't know what it meant. The difference this time is that Lee has nothing to give back. He doesn't even know what to say to Helo, because his Helo is dead, and this version belongs to someone else.
When Helo stands up and crosses the room to touch him, Lee goes stiff in his arms. He doesn't want Helo's apologies. Instead, he draws his arm back and socks Helo as hard as he can. The resulting shock ripples from his clenched fist up his forearm all the way from his bicep to his brain. He tells himself not to flinch.
"You frakking left me for that," escapes through clenched teeth as Helo instinctively holds his hand up to protect his bruised jaw.
"You frakking left me," Lee repeats again, shoving Helo into a pile of boxes, his voice cracking as he advances. "I thought you were dead!"
"I didn't do it to hurt you," is all Helo gets out, before Lee tackles him, and then they're rolling on the floor of the cargo hold. Lee punching and kicking, and Helo blocking and dodging. Lee hits his head at some point, and his fists land on Helo enough to split Helo's lip.
It shouldn't take Helo as long as it does to restrain Lee. Lee knows that Helo could've just knocked him away, but doesn't, for whatever reason Helo's got in his mind. Eventually though, Helo holds Lee down, long fingers wrapped around Lee's wrists, and his weight on Lee's thighs so that Lee's thrashing around is pointless.
"Look at me." Helo's voice is quiet. It's a request. A plea. Lee looks everywhere else. Helo's fingers are stroking his wrists though, and Lee's body would know Helo's weight anywhere. Now is not the frakking time for him to get hard.
"Lee."
Lee doesn't want look at Helo. He doesn't want this. His heart is beating erratically in his chest and he wants it removed so that he can stop hurting over people who don't love and protect him the way they're supposed to. He looks up when something wet drops on his cheek. He didn't realise he'd given Helo a bloody nose too.
"Did it ever cross your mind that I was trying to get back to you?" Helo asks briskly.
"And the Cylon pregnancy just happened by accident?" Lee's derisory tone says it all. "Let me go, Lieutenant."
It's the rank that makes Helo reel back, Lee knows this. Of all the things they've been -- friends, lovers, collegues -- they've never pulled rank, but things are changing. Everything changing. If Lee doesn't adapt, he'll die, and he doesn't look at Helo as much as he looks past him.
"This isn't over," Helo says firmly. "I'm not just giving up on us."
"That's funny," Lee says getting to his feet briskly and heading for the hatch. He makes his parting shot before opening the door. "By the look of that Cylon you brought back to Galactica with you, I have no idea what us you're referring to."
*
Lee has these memories of Helo that only come out when he's drunk. Soft kisses and warm hands, the way that Helo always looked at Lee as though Lee were the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. The way that Lee was actually happy when Helo was around. Lee doesn't even think he remembers what it's like to be happy anymore.
When Lee's alone, he remembers what it was like to be inside Helo, and how Helo simply gave himself over to Lee's hands and Lee's mouth and Lee's cock. Helo let Lee have control. He never told Lee to get over it; he never pushed. He just let Lee be, and when Lee's alone, he can pretend that his Helo never betrayed him with a Cylon.
It's only when he's around everyone else that the reality seeps in, and Lee doesn't drink on the job, but if things don't change, he might start.
-Continued in #3 If I Tried (I Could Stay Away Forever)-
serialkarma and ethrosdemon who enable me so well, even though they've totally both abandoned me today. Yeah, I said it. :pBattlestar Galactica
Helo/Lee, (Lee/Kara, Helo/Sharon) – NC-17
*A loose sequel to To Be Young (is to Be)
Helo has freckles on his shoulders and across his cheeks. He wrinkles his nose in his sleep. Helo is a lot bigger than Lee, so he always takes up most of the bed. His arms and legs are everywhere, except for the space that, even in his sleep, he seems to know belongs to Lee. Helo never crushes Lee by accident. He never rolls over and knocks Lee out of the bed. He tosses and turns in his own area, and never drools on Lee's pillow, and Lee remembers this like he remembers everything else that he's been trying to forget for the last thirty-two days. Except that Lee's bunk is too small for him to roll over, and it could never fit Helo and Lee together. Lee's space on Galactica is just too small for his memories and Helo's ghost, so, night after night, Lee tosses and turns, flipping through his memories and replacing 'has' with 'had.'
Helo had enormous hands. Huge. His palms were vast and his fingers were thick and long. For someone of Helo's size they fit him perfectly, callouses, scars and all. Lee used to catch himself staring at Helo's hands in the mess hall, remembering how Helo's hands had felt on his hips and thighs the night before.
Lee used to suffer from flashbacks at all the wrong times.
In his classes he would have random images of Helo mouthing his hipbone, and his feet on Helo's shoulders. In the simulator, he would remember Helo frakking him in the bathroom of some random dirty bar, Helo's mouth on the nape of his neck, and Helo deep inside him. Lee could feel the phantom fingers teasing the head of his cock, and Helo biting his shoulder when he came.
Sometimes, in the mess, Lee would lick his lips and remember the whorls of Helo's fingertips rubbing against his mouth. Helo never seemed to realise what he was doing, but Kara would kick his chair and Zak would laugh at him without saying so much as a word.
Helo and Lee spent a lot of time together working to pay off Kara for ruining her sofa after the one time they had sex on it. The sofa was worth every cubit. The time Lee spent with Helo was priceless.
The first time Helo touched Lee, they were drunk out of their minds. The first time they kissed, Lee couldn't even taste Helo for the ambrosia on his tongue. The first time they frakked, Lee was as sober as the judge, and when he closes his eyes he can remember the look of wonder that crossed Helo's face when he was inside of Lee's body.
In the Galactica showers, late at night –- or what passes for night in space -- Lee turns on all the showers and shuts himself in the last shower at the end of the last row. He touches himself using the bottle of lubrication that Kara slipped to him before she left to go back to Caprica. Everyone leaves him in the end.
Lee's own fingers aren't nearly as long and thick as Helo's were, and they don't feel the same when he manages to brush against that bunch of nerve endings that Helo always hit.
If Lee closes his eyes, he and Helo are frakking in the rain, like they did that one time they went camping with Zak and Kara. When they got back to the campsite they said they'd gotten lost, and Kara had thrown her cigar at Lee's head. "You must think we're as stupid as you are," she'd mocked.
Helo and Zak snickered, and Lee narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance. "Oh, now your siding with the enemy?" he said, poking Helo in the arm. "If you think you're getting laid again anytime soon, mister, you've got another thing coming."
At that Helo had laughed that full, deep, dirty chuckle that made Lee's ears burn. "Whatever you say, Adama."
That night though, Helo had unzipped Lee's sleeping bag and jerked him off hard enough for Lee to see stars inside their tent. Lee had fallen asleep half in his bag and half in Helo's. He'd woken up the next morning with his head tucked into Helo's neck and his arm thrown across Helo's chest.
That was nothing like this. That was nothing like Lee in the showers now.
Now, masturbation is perfunctory. A release of hormones and emissions so that Lee can focus on the things that are important, like staying alive. Like not thinking of Helo. Lee jerks himself off so that he can stop dwelling on thoughts of Helo's hands, and Helo's mouth, and Helo's fingers inside of him, stretching and stroking.
If Lee squeezes his eyes closed hard enough, maybe he won't feel Helo's mouth brushing against the shell of his ear, coaxing him to relax and to open up. To let Helo in.
Lee let Helo in once and look what happened to that.
It's been almost six weeks since the Cylons attacked and all Hades broke loose. Helo is still gone, his father's still in recovery, and Lee's orgasm is like someone spiking his ambrosia with arsenic.
When his knees buckle, the wall behind him does nothing to hold him up. He kneels on the cold flooring and wonders how he got to this point. Eventually he gets to his feet and goes off in search of a drink.
Everyday Lee tells himself that he misses Helo less. Lee has had his time to mourn, and he's made peace with the fact that Helo stayed behind on Caprica. It shouldn't hurt anymore. Lee shouldn't get heartburn when he sees the Chief and remembers how much he was in love with that thing that pretended to be Sharon. Lee shouldn't clench his fists tightly when he thinks about how much Helo considered that fake-Sharon his friend. If he thinks too hard about the not-Sharon shooting his father he might have an aneurysm, and Lee is not fixating. At least he's trying not to, because Helo did the right thing. Helo always did the right thing. That's what Lee lo -– appreciated about Helo.
Helo always did the right thing.
Ghosts don't smile.
Ghosts do not limp and bitch and give, "Honey, I'm home" smiles when they come off the dock.
Karl Agathon is dead.
Lee knows this because Sharon, no, not Sharon, that simulation of some entity that was named Sharon. No, no, no, no. Whatever "it" is called, when "it" came back to Galactica, "it" came back without Helo. The thing -- it -- it said that Helo had stayed behind on Caprica.
It said that Helo had sacrifced Lee for the greater good -- and this was why you could never trust a Cylon.
Lee kisses Kara instead of Helo, because you can't kiss ghosts.
Especially ghosts who come back with Cylons.
Helo is waiting in the aft cargo hold on the second deck for Lee. Lee knows this, because when they made their first tour in the Galactica, they made it theirs, and Lee's spent more time in this cargo hold than he's spent in some of his Vipers.
Helo looks, well, he looks like Helo, just a little more dirty and wary. His eyes are just as blue, and his fingers are just as long. His legs are sprawled out before him, and he gives Lee the same easy smile that he's always had for him, even when Lee didn't know what it meant. The difference this time is that Lee has nothing to give back. He doesn't even know what to say to Helo, because his Helo is dead, and this version belongs to someone else.
When Helo stands up and crosses the room to touch him, Lee goes stiff in his arms. He doesn't want Helo's apologies. Instead, he draws his arm back and socks Helo as hard as he can. The resulting shock ripples from his clenched fist up his forearm all the way from his bicep to his brain. He tells himself not to flinch.
"You frakking left me for that," escapes through clenched teeth as Helo instinctively holds his hand up to protect his bruised jaw.
"You frakking left me," Lee repeats again, shoving Helo into a pile of boxes, his voice cracking as he advances. "I thought you were dead!"
"I didn't do it to hurt you," is all Helo gets out, before Lee tackles him, and then they're rolling on the floor of the cargo hold. Lee punching and kicking, and Helo blocking and dodging. Lee hits his head at some point, and his fists land on Helo enough to split Helo's lip.
It shouldn't take Helo as long as it does to restrain Lee. Lee knows that Helo could've just knocked him away, but doesn't, for whatever reason Helo's got in his mind. Eventually though, Helo holds Lee down, long fingers wrapped around Lee's wrists, and his weight on Lee's thighs so that Lee's thrashing around is pointless.
"Look at me." Helo's voice is quiet. It's a request. A plea. Lee looks everywhere else. Helo's fingers are stroking his wrists though, and Lee's body would know Helo's weight anywhere. Now is not the frakking time for him to get hard.
"Lee."
Lee doesn't want look at Helo. He doesn't want this. His heart is beating erratically in his chest and he wants it removed so that he can stop hurting over people who don't love and protect him the way they're supposed to. He looks up when something wet drops on his cheek. He didn't realise he'd given Helo a bloody nose too.
"Did it ever cross your mind that I was trying to get back to you?" Helo asks briskly.
"And the Cylon pregnancy just happened by accident?" Lee's derisory tone says it all. "Let me go, Lieutenant."
It's the rank that makes Helo reel back, Lee knows this. Of all the things they've been -- friends, lovers, collegues -- they've never pulled rank, but things are changing. Everything changing. If Lee doesn't adapt, he'll die, and he doesn't look at Helo as much as he looks past him.
"This isn't over," Helo says firmly. "I'm not just giving up on us."
"That's funny," Lee says getting to his feet briskly and heading for the hatch. He makes his parting shot before opening the door. "By the look of that Cylon you brought back to Galactica with you, I have no idea what us you're referring to."
Lee has these memories of Helo that only come out when he's drunk. Soft kisses and warm hands, the way that Helo always looked at Lee as though Lee were the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. The way that Lee was actually happy when Helo was around. Lee doesn't even think he remembers what it's like to be happy anymore.
When Lee's alone, he remembers what it was like to be inside Helo, and how Helo simply gave himself over to Lee's hands and Lee's mouth and Lee's cock. Helo let Lee have control. He never told Lee to get over it; he never pushed. He just let Lee be, and when Lee's alone, he can pretend that his Helo never betrayed him with a Cylon.
It's only when he's around everyone else that the reality seeps in, and Lee doesn't drink on the job, but if things don't change, he might start.
-Continued in #3 If I Tried (I Could Stay Away Forever)-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2006-01-18 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 09:07 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 09:08 pm (UTC)In his classes he would have random images of Helo mouthing his hipbone, and his feet on Helo's shoulders. In the simulator, he would remember Helo frakking him in the bathroom of some random dirty bar, Helo's mouth on the nape of his neck, and Helo's fingers stroking his cock. Lee could feel the phantom fingers teasing the head of his cock, and Helo biting his shoulder when he came.
omg, HOT.
also, the fighting was hot. what? like you're shocked.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 09:15 pm (UTC)WITH LOVE.
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 09:45 pm (UTC)Sometimes, in the mess, Lee would lick his lips and remember the whorl of Helo's fingertips rubbing against his mouth. Helo never seemed to realise what he was doing, but Kara would kick his chair and Zak would laugh at him without saying so much as a word.
I love that. Great visual.
And the ending? The drinking on the job reference. So sad. Poor Lee. Lovely fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:37 pm (UTC)My original problem was getting them together, and then once it had happened on some level it was like, "AH HA! Must run with it!" And so now everyone depressed about knocked up Cylons. Poor Lee. He just can't catch a break.
(no subject)
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Date: 2006-01-18 09:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 09:59 pm (UTC)Sorry, I needed some time to reprogram my brain. First it was frazzeled by the hotness, then melted by the sadness.
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 10:35 pm (UTC)That was just *wibble* perfect.
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:40 pm (UTC)*blinks* Now there's a wank-fic idea. Oh, yis.
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Date: 2006-01-19 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 03:03 am (UTC)I loved this line: His heart is beating erratically in his chest and he wants it removed so that he can stop hurting over people who don't love and protect him the way they're supposed to.
So perfectly agonizing.
Will there be another?
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 03:52 am (UTC)If Lee doesn't adapt, he'll die, and he doesn't look at Helo as much as he looks past him.
that line is one helluva gut punch.
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Date: 2006-01-19 03:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 05:02 am (UTC)Grrr. Big OW.
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-01-19 07:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 11:08 am (UTC)Oh yes. Beautifully written, as always. Poor Lee. Now fix him up with Billy so it can all get better. Heh. Mwahahaha. Er.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 02:39 pm (UTC)"That's funny," Lee says getting to his feet briskly and heading for the hatch. He makes his parting shot before opening the door. "By the look of that Cylon you brought back to Galactica with you, I have no idea what us you're referring to."
So, Helo/Tyrol with Lee even more pissed off next?
Yes, I deleted my comment. If you read it, you know why.
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Date: 2006-01-19 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 06:35 pm (UTC)While I can't fully wrap my head around the Lee/Helo thing yet, dude, you've got it down and are working for everything. Bless.
like someone spiking his ambrosia with arsenic.
I am in love with that whole passage.
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Date: 2006-01-25 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-31 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-30 04:48 am (UTC)Brilliant line.