hackthis_archive | SGA -- The Cunning Linguist (and lo the sky did fall)

For

serialkarma, who I told, "I will write you tongue-fic. Pick your poison." Multilingual is the word of the day, children. This is also a figment of your imagination and my imagination, too, so Kassie don’t look, but I have to gear up for somebody's birthday.

Stargate: Atlantis
McKay/Sheppard
The Cunning Linguist

Sheppard is talking to him; Rodney's not an idiot. He doesn't answer to the name of Radek or Caldwell or Miko or any of the people who are on his shit list today; he can tell when someone's mouth is moving for his benefit. The problem, however, is that Rodney has no idea what Sheppard saying for two important reasons.

1) Sheppard's tongue.
2) It's another language
3) Did he mention Sheppard's tongue?

Rodney is a smart man. He's a brilliant man. Other people weep over Rodney's brilliance. They wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night, horribly pained to know that they will never achieve one iota of Rodney's brilliance. He's just that smart.

Sadly, it would appear that Rodney's no match for Sheppard's tongue flickering over his bottom lip and some language that Rodney doesn't speak.

"What are you saying to me? What language are you speaking?" Rodney's exasperation is engaged in a struggle with his hormones, and it's losing. He hates it when Sheppard does that thing where he talks, speaking only gets him in trouble. Does the man never learn?

Sheppard does that thing with his lips where they move and he says something else unintelligible. "What?! What? Is my hair on fire? Do my hips look big in this? Have you finally lost what little sense the military didn't strip from you, and this is your new language?"

And then Sheppard does the inconceivable. He winks at Rodney. "It's Farsi."

"What's Farsi?" Rodney asks, well, a bit stupidly.

Sheppard does the damn winking thing again, and then he says something else in, well, Farsi.

"Is there something in your eye?" Rodney asks irritably.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sheppard says. And then the bastard has the nerve to walk away.

Rodney doesn't watch. Much. He's too annoyed.

Sheppard knows he doesn't speak Farsi.

*

It happens again three hours later. Rodney's hard at work doing Rodney type things: saving the world, scaring the minions, ingesting Power Bars in a single inhalation, and he knows Sheppard's there before Sheppard says anything, because the hum in the lab goes from Hum of Work to Hum of Sexual Tension.

Even the lab covets Sheppard. "What do you want, Colonel Annoyance?" Rodney's working, does no one understand this? He doesn't have time for stupid military men with stupid floppy hair and stupid wet tongues. Rodney squeezes his eyes shut briefly, he didn't need to think about Sheppard's tongue. It'll ruin his numbers. And possibly his trousers.

Sheppard says something that sounds like he's speaking backwards, and Rodney opens his eyes just to scowl at his laptop. "I'm not doing the Farsi thing again," he says stubbornly.

Sheppard makes his babbling noises again, and Rodney's scowl deepens. He can actually feel his nostrils flaring, this is so not fair. He only looks at Sheppard to hiss, "I told you, enough with the Farsi!"

Sheppard's doing the stupid leaning thing, and the smiling thing, and he says something else in Babel. "I hate you," Rodney grits between clenched teeth.

Sheppard just grins and says something else.

"You are speaking Arabic, Colonel?" Of course, Zelenka would be in on this.

"This is your fault," Rodney rounds on Radek, because, well, Radek's there, and at least Radek is speaking English. "You know what he's saying?"

Radek doesn't even have the grace to be sheepish. "No, I am not so good with the translating, but I know the language. A beautiful language, I think."

Rodney doesn't even want to know. "Yes, fine, whatever," Rodney waves dismissively at Radek before turning back to Sheppard. "If we were in Arabia, that would be fine, but we are in Atlantis, so speak English!"

Sheppard just says something else that Rodney can't understand, his mouth moving, tongue flickering over his lips, and Rodney growls. "Get. Out."

Sheppard just grins.

Rodney doesn't watch Sheppard walk away. Not even a glance. Okay, maybe a tiny one.

*

They're speaking German when Rodney sits down for dinner. Rodney finds it highly doubtful that Teyla speaks German, and if Ronon understands anything apart from guttural grunts Rodney will eat his laptop. Enough is enough. "Right, that's it," he snaps, slamming down his tray and filling his pockets with strange fruits and undercooked, fake vegetables.

Sheppard gives him the quizzical puppy dog look and says something else that Rodney doesn't get. "I don't speak German!" Rodney hisses. "You know I don't speak German. I know you're doing this just to mess with my mind, but it won't work! I'm smarter than you. I'm smarter than all of you!"

Sheppard's bottom lip pokes out, and Rodney narrows his eyes. "I know German too," he says. "Scheisse. That means shit, as in you are full of shit!"

Sheppard chokes a bit on his fake veggies, and Teyla coughs softly.

"This is war, Colonel," Rodney announces picking up his tray and stalking off.

Sheppard says something else in German, but Rodney's not listening. No, not at all.

*

Rodney's not a military strategist. He's just a brilliant scientist with a brain the size of a bowling ball, and he will not be cowed by a man who taunts him in languages he doesn't speak. Rodney could cut down entire math departments with his theoretical ideas. No simpleton from the United States military is going to get the better of him, and he's still fuming an hour later outside Sheppard's door.

He thinks "open" at the door in as many languages as he can possibly summon which winds up being three including binary.

Sheppard doesn't even look surprised when he glances up from what has to be the most boring looking book ever. War and Peace? Whatever.

"Bonsoir, Rodney" is about as far as he gets before Rodney's striding over, stripping off his uniform as he goes.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi?" he says, knocking the book out of Sheppard's hands as he climbs on top of Sheppard's hips. "Is that what this is about?"

Sheppard's grin is all teeth, and he flicks his tongue over his bottom lip, which makes Rodney growl in the back of his throat.

"Oui," is all Sheppard says.

Rodney rolls his eyes as John's hands come to rest on his hips. "God, all you had to do was say so."

John shrugs, "Where was the fun in that?"

-end-

Current Mood: high
Current Music: Jamie Cullum 'Catch the Sun'

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

serialkarma.livejournal.com

!!!!!!

I do love you, you're totally right. Not that you're surprised or anything.

I'll have you know that as I started reading this the Clash's "Death or Glory" came on my radio. This is a sign. Of what, I'm not sure, but it is definitely a sign.

Also, ahahahaha, I love how Sheppard doesn't actually have any *dialogue* in the story until the very end. And then Rodney quotes Labelle! Rock!

And oh, Rodney. You should really learn to channel your sexual frustration into something productive (like SEX) before it makes you cranky. Zahra would like you so much more then!

Sheppard's grin is all teeth, and he flicks his tongue over his bottom lip, which makes Rodney growl in the back of his throat.

Oh, guh.

I *heart* you madly, but you know this.*g*

From:

Educated Black Person, Esq., A.A., B.A., MBA, Ph.D., RN, NAACP, AAA

SGA -- The Cunning Linguist (and lo the sky did fall)

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