HP – That Other Kind of Life
Feb. 2nd, 2006 11:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveI woke up this morning and said, "Thank god I'm me, it'd suck to be someone else." I say this a lot.
I am having a rather rocky stretch, and with the death of my computer it occurs to me that I have no present for my girl's birthday on Sunday, so, I will prolly be writing her lots of little things. Like this.
Harry Potter
Theodore/Blaise, Blaise/Draco
That Other Kind of Life
There is nothing spectacular about Blaise Zabini's life with Theodore Nott. Now that Past Events are over, and Theodore has regrown his other eye, there is very little surprise in their daily lives.
They wake in the morning, make the tea, have a shag in the bath, get dressed, go off to work –- Blaise as an Arithmatical consultant and Theodore as a solicitor –- come home, make the tea, have a bath, have a shag and go to sleep.
Rinse.
Repeat.
There are no wall-shaking rows between them about Theodore keeping secrets, nor are there any family members with prurient interests in Blaise skulking about.
There are no tantrums with Theodore attempting to use his thrice-removed Veela powers to convince Blaise that everything he's not telling Blaise should be forgotten, and they should just have a shag instead.
Their relationship isn't one that is built on passion and dysfunction and the hope that what they know is wrong will still turn out right.
Theodore is not Draco. He never will be. He does not pretend to be a replacement, so Blaise holds him above such a thing.
Theodore has no desire to be over-emotional or egotistical or incapable of being motivated by anything apart from his own needs. Since Past Events and the Gryffindor debacle, Theodore is under no delusions that anything he does will impact the entire world. He's content to run his law firm and have the occasional brief before the Wizengamoot. Theodore's goals in life are tangible. He is not on a mission to convince Blaise of his worthiness by denying that he cares at all.
What they share isn't the Greatest Unspoken Love of All Time (TM D.Malfoy, deceased), but it's enough for them to make it work. They make do in the wreckage of those they've lost, and for Blaise, this is enough. Blaise has already had the other kind of relationship in his life, and that one didn’t turn out particularly well at all, because once, a long time ago, when Blaise's only concerns were Arithmancy and whether or not his Grandmere was going to disinherit his Grandpere, again, he might've been in love with Draco Malfoy.
It's easy to dismiss their love as something juvenile and immature. It's easy to say that at sixteen (almost seventeen) there was no way they could've known what was in their hearts, and on some level that would've been right. It's hard to be a good judge of character when you've been exposed to the same hate-mongering and propaganda your entire life, but feelings do not discriminate based on how long you've been flying a broom.
To this day, Blaise doesn't begrudge Draco for leaving Hogwarts. He understands why Draco killed Dumbledore as well. What has always twisted Blaise's wand, however, is that Draco never confided in him. Not once. At all.
All the things they'd shared, from nappies to Potions NEWTS, and not once did Draco ever tell Blaise what in Circe's island was going on in his head. Draco just left Blaise one day, and he never came back. And for that, Blaise has never forgiven him. Except that Draco is dead now, and Blaise can't tell him that he's still unforgiven for betraying all the things they had together.
Blaise just woke up one day and it was too late.
This is alright though, because Blaise has learned from his mistakes. His feelings for a living Theodore could never be confused with his feelings for a dead seventeen year-old boy with a perfect sneer and slate grey eyes. Blaise is thirty-two now; he's moved on. The sex with Theodore is spectacular, too, so Blaise doesn't have to be wistful for skin raw from shagging against cold stone floors and against splintering shelves.
Given a second chance, Blaise tells himself that he still wouldn't sacrifice himself for the greater good or to save Draco from his penchant of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time for the wrong reason.
In the marrow of his bones, Blaise knows he wouldn't change anything at all. He has a home now with Theodore, and to regret anything in the past would eradicate the peace he has now. So, Blaise doesn't regret avoiding the entire debacle that's referred to as Past Events, nor does he lament that the great minds of his generation were lost to Potter's megalomania and Voldemort's egotism.
If they were so great they would've avoided the war altogether, like Blaise did.
If they were so great, they wouldn't have tried to do it all themselves, like Draco did.
Sometimes, Blaise forgets about Draco's sacrifice. He only remembers that Draco left him, and Theodore has helped clean up the mess. Sometimes, a snide, sneering voice in Blaise head tells him that what he has with Theodore is worthless, that this sort of mundane living is worse than complacency.
These are the days that Blaise comes home sporting for a row or for Theodore to just not be as blasé about their arrangement as he is. These are the days that Theodore ignores him, and Blaise grows more and more irritated until Theodore mocks him, and all the steam goes out of Blaise's storm. Because this is what Theodore does –- he keeps Blaise from turning into Draco. He keeps Blaise grounded. He gives Blaise a home.
And maybe it's not the greatness or the ardor that Blaise would've found with Draco, but it's not so bad either.
-end-
+ One of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ethrosdemon hot button issues is how people ignore the tragic love that Blaise & Draco share. If you look at *canon* they are way more angsty than pretty much anything else that's not Marauder's Era.
+ As always casting can be found here.
I am having a rather rocky stretch, and with the death of my computer it occurs to me that I have no present for my girl's birthday on Sunday, so, I will prolly be writing her lots of little things. Like this.
Harry Potter
Theodore/Blaise, Blaise/Draco
There is nothing spectacular about Blaise Zabini's life with Theodore Nott. Now that Past Events are over, and Theodore has regrown his other eye, there is very little surprise in their daily lives.
They wake in the morning, make the tea, have a shag in the bath, get dressed, go off to work –- Blaise as an Arithmatical consultant and Theodore as a solicitor –- come home, make the tea, have a bath, have a shag and go to sleep.
Rinse.
Repeat.
There are no wall-shaking rows between them about Theodore keeping secrets, nor are there any family members with prurient interests in Blaise skulking about.
There are no tantrums with Theodore attempting to use his thrice-removed Veela powers to convince Blaise that everything he's not telling Blaise should be forgotten, and they should just have a shag instead.
Their relationship isn't one that is built on passion and dysfunction and the hope that what they know is wrong will still turn out right.
Theodore is not Draco. He never will be. He does not pretend to be a replacement, so Blaise holds him above such a thing.
Theodore has no desire to be over-emotional or egotistical or incapable of being motivated by anything apart from his own needs. Since Past Events and the Gryffindor debacle, Theodore is under no delusions that anything he does will impact the entire world. He's content to run his law firm and have the occasional brief before the Wizengamoot. Theodore's goals in life are tangible. He is not on a mission to convince Blaise of his worthiness by denying that he cares at all.
What they share isn't the Greatest Unspoken Love of All Time (TM D.Malfoy, deceased), but it's enough for them to make it work. They make do in the wreckage of those they've lost, and for Blaise, this is enough. Blaise has already had the other kind of relationship in his life, and that one didn’t turn out particularly well at all, because once, a long time ago, when Blaise's only concerns were Arithmancy and whether or not his Grandmere was going to disinherit his Grandpere, again, he might've been in love with Draco Malfoy.
It's easy to dismiss their love as something juvenile and immature. It's easy to say that at sixteen (almost seventeen) there was no way they could've known what was in their hearts, and on some level that would've been right. It's hard to be a good judge of character when you've been exposed to the same hate-mongering and propaganda your entire life, but feelings do not discriminate based on how long you've been flying a broom.
To this day, Blaise doesn't begrudge Draco for leaving Hogwarts. He understands why Draco killed Dumbledore as well. What has always twisted Blaise's wand, however, is that Draco never confided in him. Not once. At all.
All the things they'd shared, from nappies to Potions NEWTS, and not once did Draco ever tell Blaise what in Circe's island was going on in his head. Draco just left Blaise one day, and he never came back. And for that, Blaise has never forgiven him. Except that Draco is dead now, and Blaise can't tell him that he's still unforgiven for betraying all the things they had together.
Blaise just woke up one day and it was too late.
This is alright though, because Blaise has learned from his mistakes. His feelings for a living Theodore could never be confused with his feelings for a dead seventeen year-old boy with a perfect sneer and slate grey eyes. Blaise is thirty-two now; he's moved on. The sex with Theodore is spectacular, too, so Blaise doesn't have to be wistful for skin raw from shagging against cold stone floors and against splintering shelves.
Given a second chance, Blaise tells himself that he still wouldn't sacrifice himself for the greater good or to save Draco from his penchant of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time for the wrong reason.
In the marrow of his bones, Blaise knows he wouldn't change anything at all. He has a home now with Theodore, and to regret anything in the past would eradicate the peace he has now. So, Blaise doesn't regret avoiding the entire debacle that's referred to as Past Events, nor does he lament that the great minds of his generation were lost to Potter's megalomania and Voldemort's egotism.
If they were so great they would've avoided the war altogether, like Blaise did.
If they were so great, they wouldn't have tried to do it all themselves, like Draco did.
Sometimes, Blaise forgets about Draco's sacrifice. He only remembers that Draco left him, and Theodore has helped clean up the mess. Sometimes, a snide, sneering voice in Blaise head tells him that what he has with Theodore is worthless, that this sort of mundane living is worse than complacency.
These are the days that Blaise comes home sporting for a row or for Theodore to just not be as blasé about their arrangement as he is. These are the days that Theodore ignores him, and Blaise grows more and more irritated until Theodore mocks him, and all the steam goes out of Blaise's storm. Because this is what Theodore does –- he keeps Blaise from turning into Draco. He keeps Blaise grounded. He gives Blaise a home.
And maybe it's not the greatness or the ardor that Blaise would've found with Draco, but it's not so bad either.
-end-
+ One of
ethrosdemon hot button issues is how people ignore the tragic love that Blaise & Draco share. If you look at *canon* they are way more angsty than pretty much anything else that's not Marauder's Era. + As always casting can be found here.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 07:31 pm (UTC)Oh dear Mordred.
Theodore has no desire to be over-emotional or egotistical or incapable of being motivated by anything apart from his own needs.
Yeah, he's a good boyfriend. That's the root of the malaise le sigh. I mean, TRAGEDY. No one gets what they need, and it's all just muddling through, and because of Draco being set up and also too stupid and himself to prevent it all. What gets in the way of life is people's "personalities" and it's also what makes life great. Oh, the humanity!
It's easy to dismiss their love as something juvenile and immature. It's easy to say that at sixteen (almost seventeen) there was no way they could've known what was in their hearts, and on some level that would've been right. It's hard to be a good judge of character when you've been exposed to the same hate-mongering and propaganda your entire life.
Well. We both know how I am right now, so let's just say that I might have to go read David Sedaris in a mo.
I mean, the getting over your up-bringing thing is impossible if you die at 17, you know? I mean, redemptionistas and crazy H/D shippers aside, who could Draco have been if given a second shot? The real tragedy might be that the answer is someone Blaise would have hated anyway. Someone Blaise would have been bored by or thought was a betrayal of the old Draco. People don't like their loved ones to change. And I know I'm singing to the choir on that one.
I don't even care how insane I sound when I talk about them. Fuck it. I'm a crazy fangirl.
What has always twisted Blaise's wand, however, is that Draco never confided in him. Not once. At all.
It's never the things that other people expect that are the unforgivable ones, you know? Yeah, I know you do.
nor does he lament that the great minds of his generation were lost of Potter's megalomania and Voldemort's egotism.
Well, that's sort of a lie and the truth at the same time, because he's glad to not have any tall flowers obscuring his sunshine, but he does wonder on bad nights.
Because this is what Theodore does – he keeps Blaise from turning into Draco. He keeps Blaise grounded. He gives Blaise a home.
You have really reduced me to a Gryffinorish mess.
I'm going to throw myself off some dramatically high something.
~BZ
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:20 am (UTC)I love Theodore like a fat kid loves cake. Note to Self: Stop quoting 50 Cent. Also, I lurve David Sedaris. Also, all things considered I don't actually know if Draco would change, I think he might not want to. Sometimes people don't change, even after the hardcore shocks. Of course they die out like dinosaurs. Evolution is the wave of the future.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:18 pm (UTC)Because I really do love stuff more than a fat kids love cake.
Like this fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 07:39 pm (UTC)What a lovely phrase.
Actually, that was all just lovely. And bittersweet. And beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 08:21 pm (UTC)And even if he had, what would've changed? Would Blaise be prepared to accept that part of Draco?
Sometimes, a snide, sneering voice in Blaise head tells him that what he has with Theodore is worthless, that this sort of mundane living is worse than complacency.
Yet sometimes the settling for something 'lesser' can be better than the big thing ever really was.
Because this is what Theodore does –- he keeps Blaise from turning into Draco. He keeps Blaise grounded. He gives Blaise a home.
meep.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:22 am (UTC)And even if he had, what would've changed? Would Blaise be prepared to accept that part of Draco?
I think those are both valid questions, but the problem is that Blaise doesn't have any answers, because Draco was an imbecile and went and got himself killed. Which really is the rub. It would be one thing if they'd just out-grown each other or Blaise had realised that Draco was an arse and he'd left him. Because Draco died, Blaise never got any closure; it's hard to make a life when you feel like you're wandering around exposed.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 08:26 pm (UTC)You rock muchly and I adore this Blaise.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 08:42 pm (UTC)If they were so great, they wouldn't have tried to do it all themselves, like Draco did.
I'm pretty sure I let out a little 'oh' noise while reading this part, and I was nodding triumphantly like an idiot. I dunno why.
Awesome, awesome. Your Blaise is fabulous.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 09:19 pm (UTC)Anyway, I just wanted to say lovely and achy. I love how I feel sorry for him, yet also happy for him at the same time. You did very nicely on mixing these emotions.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 11:00 pm (UTC)Hope you can get your computer woes fixed soon!
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 02:38 am (UTC)Also, when the hell did Goyle get so freaking hot? guh.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 02:10 pm (UTC)Mmm. I loved the voice you told this in, it sounded like their relationship. I love the pairings, which is not necessarily a compliment, but then you did them well, so I can tack it on as a psuedo-compliment if I want.
Oh silly Draco, you gone and done the stupidest thing, dying that is.
But if Draco hadn't died, perhaps mundane would be Exciting and Dead and I prefer my Blaises alive, thank ye very much.
I really really enjoyed this fic, ta~
no subject
Date: 2006-02-03 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-10 10:37 pm (UTC)