HP - Pygmalion
Feb. 2nd, 2006 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveThis is an abbreviated version of the story I wrote for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
literaryll since that syphilitic whore Olivia LJ ate it.*
Harry Potter
Slytherin Humour (the only kind)
Pygmalion
One day, Draco Malfoy woke up and realised that Gregory Goyle was attractive. Goyle wasn't appealing in the flawless and mindblowing way that Draco was attractive, nor in that "'I really, really want to shag you" way that Blaise Zabini was attractive.
Goyle wasn't even attractive in that "You're too pretty, and it makes you funny-looking" way that Nott was attractive. No, Goyle didn't have that at all. But he was solid. And very manly-looking.
Goyle had stubble and muscles, and he was, well, he was Goyle. He was at least six feet tall, and although his eyebrows were unfortunate, they were nothing that a Glamour or six couldn't fix.
Furthermore, Goyle was capable, and okay, he wasn't brilliant or even terribly smart, but he was loyal. He was also in the right house and of the right breeding. He wasn't pasty or pudgy like Crabbe.
Compared to Crabbe, Goyle was cover material for Witch Weekly; Draco could've done a lot worse. He could've dated a Gryffindor.
The idea alone made his teeth itch, so, at breakfast he announced his decision. "I've decided to do you a favor and let you date me," he said benevolently over the porridge and toast. He paused to glare at the sugar's attempts to scarper over to Blaise and the cream.
The sugar stopped dead, and the entire table looked over at Draco. He ignored them all and elbowed Goyle in the ribs. "Are you listening to me?"
Goyle dropped a spoonful of porridge on his robes, and Draco sighed. "If you're going to date me, you're going to have to work on your manners. I can't take you out in public with you looking like this."
"Sor -– sor -– sorry?" Goyle looked even more confused than normal.
Blaise sniggered. Draco glared. "I know my munificence comes as a shock," he began.
"You knowing a word like 'munificence' is a shock," Nott interrupted. Draco silently waved his wand in Nott's direction and was rewarded with Pansy's horrified shriek.
He'd had to work hard on that turning noses into pig snout's spell. It had been well worth the four hours of practising on second-years though.
"Yeah, but, but -–" Goyle put his spoon back in his porridge and wiped fruitlessly at the mess on his robes.
Draco waved the mess away with a flick of his wrist. "Now, I know you never thought you'd live to see the day where you would land someone as awe-inspiringly gorgeous as me, but I'm sure you'll be bringing something to the table, too. What exactly that is yet, I don't know, but you can think on it and get back to me."
This time Blaise snorted loudly; Draco glared harder. The last time he'd tried to hex Blaise, it had bounced back and he'd had ants streaming out his ears for six hours.
Goyle looked seriously confused, which was his normal look, so Draco just smiled -– smirked –- and went about his business. The rest of the table continued to stare in unbridled shock.
Eventually the silence was broken by Goyle speaking up. "But, Draco, I'm not -- I'm not, you know, that way."
Draco just rolled his eyes and patted Goyle's arm. "Everyone says that before they have the Malfoy experience. Don’t let that worry you; I can sort you out in no time."
Goyle just sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."
-end-
* Yes, that is a Grey's Anatomy reference.
literaryll since that syphilitic whore Harry Potter
Slytherin Humour (the only kind)
One day, Draco Malfoy woke up and realised that Gregory Goyle was attractive. Goyle wasn't appealing in the flawless and mindblowing way that Draco was attractive, nor in that "'I really, really want to shag you" way that Blaise Zabini was attractive.
Goyle wasn't even attractive in that "You're too pretty, and it makes you funny-looking" way that Nott was attractive. No, Goyle didn't have that at all. But he was solid. And very manly-looking.
Goyle had stubble and muscles, and he was, well, he was Goyle. He was at least six feet tall, and although his eyebrows were unfortunate, they were nothing that a Glamour or six couldn't fix.
Furthermore, Goyle was capable, and okay, he wasn't brilliant or even terribly smart, but he was loyal. He was also in the right house and of the right breeding. He wasn't pasty or pudgy like Crabbe.
Compared to Crabbe, Goyle was cover material for Witch Weekly; Draco could've done a lot worse. He could've dated a Gryffindor.
The idea alone made his teeth itch, so, at breakfast he announced his decision. "I've decided to do you a favor and let you date me," he said benevolently over the porridge and toast. He paused to glare at the sugar's attempts to scarper over to Blaise and the cream.
The sugar stopped dead, and the entire table looked over at Draco. He ignored them all and elbowed Goyle in the ribs. "Are you listening to me?"
Goyle dropped a spoonful of porridge on his robes, and Draco sighed. "If you're going to date me, you're going to have to work on your manners. I can't take you out in public with you looking like this."
"Sor -– sor -– sorry?" Goyle looked even more confused than normal.
Blaise sniggered. Draco glared. "I know my munificence comes as a shock," he began.
"You knowing a word like 'munificence' is a shock," Nott interrupted. Draco silently waved his wand in Nott's direction and was rewarded with Pansy's horrified shriek.
He'd had to work hard on that turning noses into pig snout's spell. It had been well worth the four hours of practising on second-years though.
"Yeah, but, but -–" Goyle put his spoon back in his porridge and wiped fruitlessly at the mess on his robes.
Draco waved the mess away with a flick of his wrist. "Now, I know you never thought you'd live to see the day where you would land someone as awe-inspiringly gorgeous as me, but I'm sure you'll be bringing something to the table, too. What exactly that is yet, I don't know, but you can think on it and get back to me."
This time Blaise snorted loudly; Draco glared harder. The last time he'd tried to hex Blaise, it had bounced back and he'd had ants streaming out his ears for six hours.
Goyle looked seriously confused, which was his normal look, so Draco just smiled -– smirked –- and went about his business. The rest of the table continued to stare in unbridled shock.
Eventually the silence was broken by Goyle speaking up. "But, Draco, I'm not -- I'm not, you know, that way."
Draco just rolled his eyes and patted Goyle's arm. "Everyone says that before they have the Malfoy experience. Don’t let that worry you; I can sort you out in no time."
Goyle just sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."
-end-
* Yes, that is a Grey's Anatomy reference.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-02-02 11:57 pm (UTC)And yeah one day I woke up and was in love with Goyle. He hits you like that LOL
Goyle wasn't appealing in the flawless and mindblowing way that Draco was attractive, nor in that "'I really, really want to shag you" way that Blaise Zabini was attractive. - I have a feeling every line is going to get quoted back LOL. Tough. Mindblowing way AHAHAHAHA. Draco, Draco, Draco. I really can't even. *clamps hand over mouth again*
But he was solid. And very manly-looking. - Damn. I needed more than a second. I needed a week to cool off. Goyyyle. This solid looking thing is why him and Draco look pretty together. The contrast. Yes. There is logic behind my shipping LOL
Goyle had stubble and muscles, and he was, well, he was Goyle. He was at least six feet tall, and although his eyebrows were unfortunate, they were nothing that a Glamour or six couldn't fix. - Or six. *dies* Stubble too!! Oh they are special together. I'm telling you.
Compared to Crabbe, Goyle was cover material for Witch Weekly - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Poor Crabbe. I don't even know why I like Goyle so much better.
"I've decided to do you a favor and let you date me," he said benevolently over the porridge and toast. - You're too kind Draco LOL!
He ignored them all and elbowed Goyle in the ribs. "Are you listening to me?" - I can't even say how much I love the elbowing ♥ God your Draco is the best :) :) :)
Goyle dropped a spoonful of porridge on his robes, and Draco sighed. - I give up. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"You knowing a word like 'munificence' is a shock," Nott interrupted - omg *laughing my ass off* Theodore I love you so much. I even forgive you for breaking my heart by being with Blaise in the story before this.
He'd had to work hard on that turning noses into pig snout's spell. - Ahahaha. Hilarious. And wandless!
"Now, I know you never thought you'd live to see the day where you would land someone as awe-inspiringly gorgeous as me, but I'm sure you'll be bringing something to the table, too. What exactly that is yet, I don't know, but you can think on it and get back to me." - *cracking up again* Anyone willing to put up with Draco is bringing more than their fair share to the table.
'Think on it and get back to me' *LOVES WITH AN INSANE LOVE*
This time Blaise snorted loudly; Draco glared harder. - LOL! And now I'm a little conflicted because aww look at Blaise and Draco.
It bounced back AHAHAHA! I can see Blaise's smirk. Really want to shag him is right. Damn.
"But, Draco, I'm not -- I'm not, you know, that way." - Oh please, Goyle. You were a little girl for him. You love him.
Draco just rolled his eyes and patted Goyle's arm. "Everyone says that before they have the Malfoy experience. Don’t let that worry you; I can sort you out in no time." - And now a pat!! I really need to shut up now cause I could go on about that pat for a paragraph. At least LOL
Thank you soo much. Like I said - Ashley = Zahra's slave for life.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-04 01:27 am (UTC)You really are priceless.
And yeah one day I woke up and was in love with Goyle. He hits you like that LOL
Do you know that this happened to me with Neville? The exact same thing I tell you; it's a little disconcerting.
Damn. I needed more than a second. I needed a week to cool off. Goyyyle. This solid looking thing is why him and Draco look pretty together. The contrast. Yes. There is logic behind my shipping LOL
I think we all know what kind of guy, Ashley likes now, don't we? :D You really must get on the BSG train. You will plotz over Helo and Galen.
heodore I love you so much. I even forgive you for breaking my heart by being with Blaise in the story before this.
I did that for K, because gods know it pained *me*. I was all, but but but, and my brain was all, yeah, it's her birthday, suck it up. *claps happily* I'm so pleased you liked this, sweetie.