I Am a Liberal. There, I Said It!
Mar. 13th, 2006 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveAri was still basking in the Oscar afterglow when George sent him the blackberry text. The post-Oscars euphoria was a week old, but Ari planned to ride that bitch until it broke down and he had to call AAA.
I wrote a column. There -- I said it. -- G
Ari squinted because Crackberry or not, the font size was smaller than Fred Durst's dick, which was such an unpleasant thought that he got distracted and had to go sexually harass Weiss and Fields in the mailroom to get over it. He didn't think much of George's message, because George said shit all the time.
That was George's whole problem.
When Ari came back to his office, Lloyd was hovering at the elevator banks. "I've been getting all these calls about George's column," he said. "Have you read it? It's really good." Lloyd put all his emphasis on "really" like he tended to whenever he was talking about George. It was the verbal equivalent of Lloyd giving George a blow job, which again, was another image that Ari didn't need.
"What column, you mean the column inches of his dick?" Ari said this because he could. He'd seen George's dick. He knew the routine. "Walk with me."
Lloyd had actually been the second person to profit from George's Oscar win, Ari being the first. The morning after George's Oscar win, which, really, with how long they were out drinking was more like the afternoon after -- Ari called the best escort service in Hollywood and made arrangements for Lloyd to have a little visitor along with the note:
You've blown us to an Oscar, you can let someone else do the work now.
Ari knew how to reward loyalty.
"It's really political," Lloyd added on, hot on Ari's heels. Ari could feel the eyes of his staff on his back. He loved it when he had all the power, it made his dick hard. "People are saying that he's getting ready to run for office -- Oprah and George in 2008."
Ari snorted, stopped, and turned around. "All right, fucktards and plebes, listen up so you can quote this accurately to Mark at Defamer -- George is not running for office this year. George is not running for office next year. I can't make any promises about the year after that, because by then we'll all be richer than god, and we'll just be able to buy the White House like George Bush, but I assure you that when we take over, and we will take over, I'll let each and every one of you suck my dick in the Oval Office, okay?"
I wrote a column. There -- I said it. -- G
Ari squinted because Crackberry or not, the font size was smaller than Fred Durst's dick, which was such an unpleasant thought that he got distracted and had to go sexually harass Weiss and Fields in the mailroom to get over it. He didn't think much of George's message, because George said shit all the time.
That was George's whole problem.
When Ari came back to his office, Lloyd was hovering at the elevator banks. "I've been getting all these calls about George's column," he said. "Have you read it? It's really good." Lloyd put all his emphasis on "really" like he tended to whenever he was talking about George. It was the verbal equivalent of Lloyd giving George a blow job, which again, was another image that Ari didn't need.
"What column, you mean the column inches of his dick?" Ari said this because he could. He'd seen George's dick. He knew the routine. "Walk with me."
Lloyd had actually been the second person to profit from George's Oscar win, Ari being the first. The morning after George's Oscar win, which, really, with how long they were out drinking was more like the afternoon after -- Ari called the best escort service in Hollywood and made arrangements for Lloyd to have a little visitor along with the note:
You've blown us to an Oscar, you can let someone else do the work now.
Ari knew how to reward loyalty.
"It's really political," Lloyd added on, hot on Ari's heels. Ari could feel the eyes of his staff on his back. He loved it when he had all the power, it made his dick hard. "People are saying that he's getting ready to run for office -- Oprah and George in 2008."
Ari snorted, stopped, and turned around. "All right, fucktards and plebes, listen up so you can quote this accurately to Mark at Defamer -- George is not running for office this year. George is not running for office next year. I can't make any promises about the year after that, because by then we'll all be richer than god, and we'll just be able to buy the White House like George Bush, but I assure you that when we take over, and we will take over, I'll let each and every one of you suck my dick in the Oval Office, okay?"
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Date: 2006-03-13 08:33 pm (UTC)This was awesomely brilliant, as always. I love you. Wonderful crack, yis.
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Date: 2006-03-13 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-13 08:36 pm (UTC)... What? You know I love Ari too, that's like assuming the sun didn't rise. :D
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Date: 2006-03-13 09:07 pm (UTC)Yeah, that's about right.
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Date: 2006-03-13 08:38 pm (UTC)I'd sure vote for him. But in a race between Oprah and George, who would win?
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Date: 2006-03-13 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-13 08:38 pm (UTC)2. Heh. Ari & George is just bliss.
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Date: 2006-03-13 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-13 08:46 pm (UTC)that's like the cutest headline EVER.
George is not running for office this year. George is not running for office next year. I can't make any promises about the year after that, because by then we'll all be richer than god, and we'll just be able to buy the White House like George Bush, but I assure you that when we take over, and we will take over, I'll let each and every one of you suck my dick in the Oval Office, okay?"
Oh, Ari. ♥
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Date: 2006-03-13 08:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-03-13 08:50 pm (UTC)Ari snorted, stopped, and turned around. "All right, fucktards and plebes, listen up so you can quote this accurately to Mark at Defamer -- George is not running for office this year. George is not running for office next year. I can't make any promises about the year after that, because by then we'll all be richer than god, and we'll just be able to buy the White House like George Bush, but I assure you that when we take over, and we will take over, I'll let each and every one of you suck my dick in the Oval Office, okay?"
Ari, you know how to turn a phrase.
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Date: 2006-03-13 09:08 pm (UTC)You know how we do.
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Date: 2006-03-13 10:04 pm (UTC)And this story just makes me happy. Ari really does have an abnormal fascination with cock for a heterosexual man. XD Great job.
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Date: 2006-03-14 12:35 am (UTC)Heterosexual, homosexual, they're all just labels, when the only label that matters is Armani ;)
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Date: 2006-03-13 11:34 pm (UTC)Speaking of Defamer, I was reading about Piven's new TV show and the talent agency mergers and when I got to the part titled "Ari fucks over ICM" I thought "But what about George?" and then I realized what I had just done and took a long look at my sanity. Honestly, man, these stories.
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Date: 2006-03-14 01:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-03-14 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-14 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-14 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-14 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-14 02:46 am (UTC)Please?
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-03-14 03:05 am (UTC)You've blown us to an Oscar, you can let someone else do the work now. Ari knew how to reward loyalty.
*dies*
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2006-03-14 03:35 am (UTC)Or something like that, anyway. Ari=BallsOutLOVE.
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:24 pm (UTC)*dies laughing*
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Date: 2006-03-14 04:24 am (UTC)Okay here it comes. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nothing like a little sexual harrassment to set you straight LOL
Ari called the best escort service in Hollywood and made arrangements for Lloyd to have a little visitor along with the note:
You've blown us to an Oscar, you can let someone else do the work now. - Have I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to Lloyd? I AM, I AM!!
In conclusion - when I read your Ari I feel like I did the first time I smoked pot in that it's all funny and everything just feels good and happy. And funny. Yes :)
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:34 pm (UTC)Okay, that whole comment was just babbling, and you know what I was saying, yes? I'm happy because you're happy, nuff said.
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Date: 2006-03-14 05:29 am (UTC)That goes for you, and Ari, and double for George.
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Date: 2006-03-14 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 01:09 am (UTC)ahh, thanks for this.
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Date: 2006-03-16 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-17 08:19 pm (UTC)I haven't even seen the show yet, and I need an Ari icon. You should be proud. Or paid. Heh.
Another one bites the dust.
Date: 2006-03-17 08:24 pm (UTC)*waits for commission from HBO*