hackthis_archive | For my anonymous donor

Meet the First Son!

Washington, D.C., White House Press Room -- The President of the United States and the First Gentleman have adopted a child from the great country of California. The five month-old boy, seen here in his first offical press release, a brochure promoting the Toys for Tots charity, is named Cooper Nicholas Clooney after the First Gentleman, and the President's father.

During the press conference to announce the adoption, the President quoted the First Gentleman by saying that the U.S. should take care of its own children before pilfering from other countries. He also went on to say he planned on collecting the $40,000 owed to him by Nicole Kidman and Michelle Pfeiffer for the First Son's college fund.

"Nicole and Michelle thought I'd never make it to 50 without being a dad, but the joke's on them, because I just turned 50," the President said proudly. "If they could pay up sooner rather than later Anderson and I would appreciate it, because college is going to be expensive by the time Nick is ready to go."

While the First Son wasn't at the press conference, attendees were able to hear his cooing from the White House hall and the President had baby spit-up on his Brioni suit. The First Family have requested that instead of sending money and baby presents the public please donate to:

The National Adoption Center
1500 Walnut Street, Suite 701,
Philadelphia, PA, 19102
1-800-TO-ADOPT

Thank you to whomever bought me the flower, I am very touched