hackthis_archive | SGA – Bros Before Hoes

1) SGA, people, I understand there's a Dr. Biro on the show. They named a character after a pen? That's just -- that's funny. British people, you know that's funny.

2) I posted music the other day.

3) I am not a Heroes fan. I do not watch this show. Except that last week Evil Lite, err,

slodwick, was all on about Adrian Pasdar being hot, and my brain was all, isn't Adrian Pasdar scary-looking as hell? So I watched some, and okay, Hiro is love, everybody else can rot, and Adrian Pasdar is still scary looking, but you know, he did that THING and uh, yeah. That's how you do that.

sparky77 said it best, A sardonic, sexy, shirtless asshole superhero. It's like a dream come true. -- Except for that superhero bit. But by virtue of it being Jim Profit I'm not that concerned about the hero bit.

4) I have a new word in my vocabulary. Bromance. Blame

3v1lsh33pz and

serialkarma. What is bromance you ask? Read on, chickens, read on.

Stargate: Atlantis
Sheppard/McKay
No spoilers. Lots of snark. Tis about it.

Bros Before Hoes

"Bromance."

Katie paused. She‘d obviously misheard. That happened sometimes on Atlantis. You thought someone said they were interested in you, and then they vanished into the ether and pretended as though they didn’t know your name when you visited their quarters. "Bromance?" she parroted.

Lt. Cadman nodded. "Bromance."

"You're making this up."

"No, I'm not. Seriously. Brothers plus romance--"

"Equals incest," Katie interrupted.

"Please, don't ever say that again." Cadman made a pained expression.

"You’re the one who said, 'brothers plus romance' like it was a normal equation," Katie pointed out.

"But I didn't mean that," Cadman sighed. "Forget whatever tawdry stories you’ve been getting from Miko. I don’t mean blood brothers, I mean brothers like -- like non-related brothers."

Katie blinked. "You realize I’m a scientist, right?"

"Yes--," Cadman hedged.

"You realize that the definition of 'brother' is a male of a species directly related by blood to another male by the sharing of a common mother."

Laura sighed. "I mean the other kind of brothers -- you know the whole 'bros before hoes' thing."

Katie has three brothers; now, she gets it. Cadman's been in the military too long. "You mean the 'chicks before dicks' thing."

"Exactly. It's that chemistry between two straight men where they can't keep their hands off each other. You know the smacking and the noogies and the hugging and the bitching."

Katie gave Cadman her most dubious look. "You mean domesticated, straight men?"

"Exactly!"

"You’re sure you don’t mean bisexual men?"

"No, not life-partners." Cadman pointed to where Lorne and Stackhouse were flinging peas at each other and -- were they giggling? "That is bromance."

Katie narrowed her eyes. "You mean boys acting like girls."

"Acting like girls acting like boys," Cadman finished

Katie nodded. "Bromance -- got it."

Hypothesis: Straight men sometimes act like boys acting like girls.

Conclusion: This is bromance.

Find examples to prove or disprove your theory.

Katie was a scientist. A scientist with a hypothesis.

The only way a scientist could prove or disprove a hypothesis was by testing it out, so Katie decided to conduct her own set of experiments. Or maybe she would just observe other people's examples of bromance, because if Cadman was to be believed, John Stackhouse and Eric Markham wrestling in the exercise room was bromance. It was the same bromance as Colonel Sheppard smacking Rodney on the back of the head in the mess hall, or Chuck making eyes at Ronon in the gate room.

Actually, Katie wasn’t sure about that last one. The looks Chuck gave Colonel Sheppard were definitely not bromance, so she doubted that the looks Chuck gave Ronon Dex were bromance either. Plus, she'd never seen Ronon give Chuck a noogie.

She was pretty sure that the scowling hatred between Dr. McKay and Dr. Kavanaugh was definitely not bromance either. She’d hung around their labs to check, and all she’d gotten was an eyeful of Simpson and Zelenka sharing a tin cup and hiccupping.

That was romance, and obviously not the same thing.

It was a very cute romance when they ended up passing out together on the floor too.

Bromance clearly had its repercussions, however, like when Katie was waiting on Miko to go to the mess hall and got to experience The McKay & Zelenka Show in the middle of the gate room.

"Did you wake up on the stupid side of the bed this morning or what?" Katie would know Rodney's voice anywhere.

"I am thinking you would know this more than me." Zelenka replied.

"Are you implying that I was there when you woke up?" Rodney sounded scandalized. Katie didn’t think you could scandalize someone in the throes of bromance, even if there were fifteen other people hanging around.

"Please do not insult me, Rodney. I have better taste than you."

Rodney made a very loud derisive noise. "Excuse me? Do you know who I am? You would be lucky -- not that I would let you -- not that I do that, but if I did it wouldn’t -- have you been in your cheap Czech moonshine again?"

Rodney didn’t seem to have a lot of bromance in his life. Katie thought that that was probably the whole problem -- no one for him to bond with. No one to try and pants him, or to flush his head down the toilet, or put toothpaste on his toilet seat.

Rodney needed some bromance.

"You are not to be insulting my -- my creations if you are wanting to have anymore." Katie couldn’t help staring. She didn’t even bother to try -- no one else was.

At least now she knew who was making all the bootlegged alcohol.

"I'd sooner die of cirrhosis by ODing on Listerine," Rodney spat.

"I do not know this Listerine, but I am sure we could work something out."

And then Rodney stalked off, and Katie didn’t laugh. No, not even a little bit. Except that when Miko finally showed up there were tears running down Katie’s face, and she could talk for the stitch in her side.

Rodney and Zelenka -- definite bromance.

"--and then we can run out to the west pier," Colonel Sheppard said.

"You mean I can run, and you can run behind me," Ronon Dex corrected.

Katie poked at her red Jell-o and didn’t look up. It was hard. She wasn’t eavesdropping on Colonel Sheppard and Ronon Dex. If they just happened to be flirting -- no. Bromancing across from her table at the mess hall that wasn't her fault.

"You wish," the Colonel retorted.

"It's not wishing, Sheppard, but I'll run slower if you want. I don‘t want you to feel inferior."

Katie had to look up at that. Sheppard’s eyes were huge, and he was staring at Ronon as though he didn’t know whether to choke him or crack up.

"Inferior? Have you been playing Scrabble with Rodney again?" Sheppard was very pretty, but clearly he was in the throes of some jealous bromance reaction. "Oh, you can eat my dust."

"I'll eat your dust the day you beat me out to the pier." Ronon’s smile was huge. He had big teeth. Very big teeth. It made Katie think of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood.

"In your dreams." Sheppard smirked while getting to his feet.

"I'll see you there." Ronon was tall, too. Very very tall. He didn't seem to stand up as much as he unfurled; Colonel Sheppard didn't even seem to notice.

Katie made a mental note to herself about bromance and the size of the men doing the bromancing. Apparently bromance didn't care about things like size or whether or not your "brother" could kick your ass.

Ronon and Sheppard stood across from each other for a moment, arms crossed at an impasse.

It was very primitive; Katie felt this wave of something palpable wash over her. She hoped it was just a passing breeze -- indoors -- because if it was bromance, she was in a lot of trouble.

Bromance seemed to be a contagious thing, and Katie wasn’t interested in going around slapping people on the back in manly hugs and scratching herself in inappropriate places. Heaven forbid she decide that belching and farting contests were the best way to express herself.

And that was when Rodney showed up was bitching about citrus and cats and hypoglycemia. One minute Sheppard and Ronon were in the middle of bromance, and the next Ronon had Rodney in a fireman’s carry and he and Sheppard were cracking up as they carted him off somewhere, with Rodney shrieking and acting very unmanly the whole way.

That was so much bromance. At least it might've been bromance -- but Katie didn't have a hypothesis that involved more than two men. She would have to rewrite her hypothesis so it had a special variation for multiple partners.

Katie was in the infirmary when the Alpha team came back from a mission on PX4-418. There was blood (Sheppard), mud (Ronon), hollering (Rodney), and quiet, steely calm (Teyla).

It wasn’t bromance. It didn't even fit her new and improved multiple partner bromance hypothesis that might've had the term 'fully-clothed male orgy' featuring prominently in it.

The Alpha team reminded Katie of her relationship with her brothers.

She hoped they were taking care of each other back on Earth.

"I don't know why I put up with you." Rodney. Complaining. Again.

Everywhere Katie went, Rodney McKay seemed to show up. It was tiresome. There’d been a time when she’d been desperate for him to want her, to romance her, and now that she was over him she couldn’t get rid of him.

Typical man.

"Of course you know why you put up with me." Katie paused behind a column at the sound of Colonel Sheppard’s voice.

"No, really I don't." Rodney bitched.

Cadman had been right -- bromance was all about boys acting like girls, and nobody was a bigger girl than Rodney. Katie couldn‘t believe she hadn‘t realized that before.

"You're careless," Rodney complained to Colonel Sheppard. "You have a martyr complex the size of Pegasus; you're going to get yourself killed, and you're going to leave me alone, and -- and I'll end up a nervous wreck, yelling at your ghost, and then all my brain-dead peons will run around saying, 'Dr McKay used to be a brilliant man, but since Colonel Sheppard got himself Ascended with that slutty Chaya he's just lost his mind, and what a waste of-–'"

Rodney's tirade died off rather suddenly -- especially for Rodney -- and Katie looked around the corner, because the arguing was just getting interesting.

Rodney was kissing Colonel Sheppard.

Or possibly Colonel Sheppard was kissing Rodney. Huh.

That was not in Cadman's definition of bromance at all.

Katie watched for a minute longer, because even Miko‘s gay porn stash was only two dimensional. Miko had tried to get Katie into manga, but manga didn’t have wet, slick, gasping sound effects or people rutting against walls in Atlantis with their hands shoved down other people’s BDU’s.

Katie took a moment to compose herself, took one last look, took another moment to compose herself, took another last look and then left the Colonel and Rodney to it.

It certainly explained why she’d never even gotten to second base with Rodney, but bromance, romance, friendship -- it didn’t matter what it was called as long as it got you through the day.

She didn't need science to know that.

-end-

Bromance is real, people.

Beta by the much loved

issaro.

Again, this is dedicated to

3v1lsh33pz and

serialkarma who have enriched my life tenfold.

I reckon if I keep writing SGA I'll have to get an icon on two. Bugger.