t-minus 9 hours and counting.
Sep. 24th, 2002 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveIt’s today. Today is the day.
Y’all know what I’m talking about. We have to celebrate.
The Problem with the Obvious
for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
andariell on the off chance that she wants it
The perfect place to hide something is in plain sight. Lex learned that when he was six, and he hid Lionel’s passport next to the flowers on the table in the foyer because he didn’t want Lionel to go off to Paris instead of staying for Lex’s birthday party.
Of course, Lionel never thought to look there, possibly because he was too busy raging at his son to grow up and be a man, but Lex was six and he still wanted to spend quality time with his father. He just wanted his father’s love.
How things change.
These days Lex considers quality time with Lionel to be as little time spent in the same time zone as possible.
Still, the idea of plain sight itself is quite sound, if for no other reason than the majority of the population is suspicious and self-serving and would never think not to hide the family jewels in the freezer. People believe in deception as a way of life. If it’s not hidden it must not be worth anything. Lex subscribes to this school, but he still believes in the power of the obvious.
Most people can’t see past the ends of their own noses.
That’s why he’s using this sort of tactic with Clark. Clark is too wholesome to suspect that all of Lex’s flirting is in fact Lex flirting. Clark’s not that… experienced in the ways of the world. Clark takes things at face value, he trusts people.
Clark is so naïve, but not to worry because that’s why Lex is there. To save him from the wolves.
It takes one to know one.
“So why are we doing this again, Lex?”
“Does there have to be a reason, Clark? Can’t I just want to enjoy this fine spring day with a friend?”
That was so lame, even to Lex, but that’s the beauty of this set-up. Clark is nothing like Lex, which is exactly why Lex is more than happy to go to these sorts of lengths.
There’s no one on God’s green earth who wouldn’t know that a picnic on the grounds with champagne – sparking cider for the minor – and chocolate strawberries was anything less than a seduction attempt.
A huge seduction attempt.
However, because this is Clark, Lex can just carry on with every cliché in the book and know he’ll never be caught. A picnic with champagne under a gloriously blue Kansas sky.
Jesus, how depressingly romantic.
Perhaps flowers should be next, since Lex has already bought Clark chocolates. Maybe Lex will dig up Victoria’s copy of The Rules and check to be certain.
“Sure you can, I just, champagne? I figure we must be celebrating something.” Of course they are, they’re celebrating Lex’s decision to seduce Clark. That’s certainly something to celebrate. Especially if it succeeds, and most especially if it fails.
If it fails at least Lex will have laid down the foundation for a great big bender.
“How about we celebrate our friendship?”
“Oh, well, yeah. Of course, but we don’t need champagne for that. We can do that anytime.”
Perhaps Lex and Clark have different ideas of what exactly constitutes a celebration.
“Did you complete some big business deal today? Take over a small country? Usurp your father and have him locked away?” Lex wishes.
“No, nothing quite that grandiose. If that was the case, even you would be required to drink.”
“I’m not legal, Lex.” Details, details. What’s one more pesky Kansas statute considering all the others that Lex has already broken?
“Hence the sparkling cider.”
“Thanks for that by the way, it’s really nice of you. It tastes really good with the strawberries.”
Lex bets that Clark tastes good with the strawberries, too; and he’s praying to whatever deity still finds him entertaining that he’ll get to find out before the day is over.
“Have you ever had strawberries dipped in white chocolate before, Clark?”
“Nope, just the ones that we pick from our patch.”
“Kent Farms has a strawberry patch as well?” Christ, where do they keep it? In the storm cellar?
“It is an organic farm, Lex.”
“Is there anything your family doesn’t grow there?” Maybe they have a special patch where Lex can grow his very own Clark, just in case it doesn’t work out with this one.
“My dad thinks it’s really important to be self-sufficient.” As opposed to being trust fund sufficient, Lex is sure.
Having said that though, Lex really does wish Jonathan Kent could see that Lex is only trying to help the farm. There are only so many bushels of plants any man can buy before it becomes ridiculous and wasteful, and Lex has enough rotten vegetables to host his own pig farm.
He just can’t eat any more zucchini and squash.
Maybe he’ll look into some strawberries.
“You have chocolate on your mouth, Lex.”
“Well, that probably would have something to do with the fact that the strawberries are covered in it.”
“Does it taste better with champagne?”
It’s the kind of question that only a minor would ask. Everything tastes better with champagne -- unless it’s bad champagne, but in Lex’s experience, even bad champagne still isn’t that bad.
“Would you care to try it and find out?”
“All right.”
All. Right. Clark licks at Lex’s mouth with that impossibly pink, wet, long, did Lex mention wet? tongue, and all Lex gets is an ‘all right?’
“You just licked me.”
Clark licked Lex. It was obvious enough, even for Lex.
“Well, yes, I was going to kiss you, but I had to get the chocolate first.”
“Excuse me, what?” It must be the booze. Lex had forgotten that sometimes champagne and the sun don’t mix.
“I said…”
“I know what you said.” Lex had forgotten how champagne sometimes affects the hearing as well.
“Am I going about it wrong?”
“Are you going about what wrong?” It appears that the champagne is really affecting Lex’s hearing.
“Seducing you.”
“Seducing. Me?” Obviously Lex has missed something enormous big here. It must be because of the champagne.
“Clark, why would you be seducing me?”
“Because – because I like you, and we’re on a picnic with champagne and chocolate strawberries and I think seduction is probably mandatory.”
“So, you’re going to seduce me? I didn’t even know you liked me.”
“Blind people could tell that I like you, Lex.” Which is obviously the champagne affecting Lex’s sight as well.
Champagne goggles.
“That you. Like. Me.” Lex needs to take a break, or five or six or something. He should put the Veuve Clicquot down. “Wait. Like as in past tense, like as in present tense or like as in ‘Lana-who’?
“Lana who?”
“You like me better than Lana?” Oh, Jesus. He must be drunk, he sounds like a girl. He sounds like, well, like Nina, or Michelle, or fucking hell, Victoria.
“I thought that was pretty obvious, Lex. I mean I’ve never stopped you from flirting with me, have I?”
He’s known. Clark knew Lex was flirting with him. All that obviousness and Clark knew. That’s impossible. Clark is a country bumpkin and Lex is the big city boy.
Lex has tact. Lex is tact. There’s no way.
“I haven’t been…”
“I maybe be young, Lex, but even I’m not that dense.”
Shit.
“I never said you -- and you never stopped me.”
“Why would I? It was cute.”
Cute. Cute.
Lex nearly dies - repeatedly, defies his father – well, always, ingests broccoli on a regular basis, and contends with Jonathan “Luthors should be castrated at birth” Kent on a semi-regular basis and it’s cute?
Fuck that.
“I am not cute.”
“You are cute, and about as subtle as a Mac truck.”
Lex is not that obvious.
“I am not cute. Take that back.”
“Take that back, what are you, Lex, ten?”
“First of all, I am not cute, and second of all, you’ve known all this time that I – that I whatever, and you just let me carry on – and now you’re trying to seduce me?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Oh.”
“Well, I would be trying to seduce you if you would be quite for a minute and let me kiss you.”
“Oh, okay. Consider me quiet.”
-fin-
Y’all know what I’m talking about. We have to celebrate.
The Problem with the Obvious
for
andariell on the off chance that she wants itThe perfect place to hide something is in plain sight. Lex learned that when he was six, and he hid Lionel’s passport next to the flowers on the table in the foyer because he didn’t want Lionel to go off to Paris instead of staying for Lex’s birthday party.
Of course, Lionel never thought to look there, possibly because he was too busy raging at his son to grow up and be a man, but Lex was six and he still wanted to spend quality time with his father. He just wanted his father’s love.
How things change.
These days Lex considers quality time with Lionel to be as little time spent in the same time zone as possible.
Still, the idea of plain sight itself is quite sound, if for no other reason than the majority of the population is suspicious and self-serving and would never think not to hide the family jewels in the freezer. People believe in deception as a way of life. If it’s not hidden it must not be worth anything. Lex subscribes to this school, but he still believes in the power of the obvious.
Most people can’t see past the ends of their own noses.
That’s why he’s using this sort of tactic with Clark. Clark is too wholesome to suspect that all of Lex’s flirting is in fact Lex flirting. Clark’s not that… experienced in the ways of the world. Clark takes things at face value, he trusts people.
Clark is so naïve, but not to worry because that’s why Lex is there. To save him from the wolves.
It takes one to know one.
“So why are we doing this again, Lex?”
“Does there have to be a reason, Clark? Can’t I just want to enjoy this fine spring day with a friend?”
That was so lame, even to Lex, but that’s the beauty of this set-up. Clark is nothing like Lex, which is exactly why Lex is more than happy to go to these sorts of lengths.
There’s no one on God’s green earth who wouldn’t know that a picnic on the grounds with champagne – sparking cider for the minor – and chocolate strawberries was anything less than a seduction attempt.
A huge seduction attempt.
However, because this is Clark, Lex can just carry on with every cliché in the book and know he’ll never be caught. A picnic with champagne under a gloriously blue Kansas sky.
Jesus, how depressingly romantic.
Perhaps flowers should be next, since Lex has already bought Clark chocolates. Maybe Lex will dig up Victoria’s copy of The Rules and check to be certain.
“Sure you can, I just, champagne? I figure we must be celebrating something.” Of course they are, they’re celebrating Lex’s decision to seduce Clark. That’s certainly something to celebrate. Especially if it succeeds, and most especially if it fails.
If it fails at least Lex will have laid down the foundation for a great big bender.
“How about we celebrate our friendship?”
“Oh, well, yeah. Of course, but we don’t need champagne for that. We can do that anytime.”
Perhaps Lex and Clark have different ideas of what exactly constitutes a celebration.
“Did you complete some big business deal today? Take over a small country? Usurp your father and have him locked away?” Lex wishes.
“No, nothing quite that grandiose. If that was the case, even you would be required to drink.”
“I’m not legal, Lex.” Details, details. What’s one more pesky Kansas statute considering all the others that Lex has already broken?
“Hence the sparkling cider.”
“Thanks for that by the way, it’s really nice of you. It tastes really good with the strawberries.”
Lex bets that Clark tastes good with the strawberries, too; and he’s praying to whatever deity still finds him entertaining that he’ll get to find out before the day is over.
“Have you ever had strawberries dipped in white chocolate before, Clark?”
“Nope, just the ones that we pick from our patch.”
“Kent Farms has a strawberry patch as well?” Christ, where do they keep it? In the storm cellar?
“It is an organic farm, Lex.”
“Is there anything your family doesn’t grow there?” Maybe they have a special patch where Lex can grow his very own Clark, just in case it doesn’t work out with this one.
“My dad thinks it’s really important to be self-sufficient.” As opposed to being trust fund sufficient, Lex is sure.
Having said that though, Lex really does wish Jonathan Kent could see that Lex is only trying to help the farm. There are only so many bushels of plants any man can buy before it becomes ridiculous and wasteful, and Lex has enough rotten vegetables to host his own pig farm.
He just can’t eat any more zucchini and squash.
Maybe he’ll look into some strawberries.
“You have chocolate on your mouth, Lex.”
“Well, that probably would have something to do with the fact that the strawberries are covered in it.”
“Does it taste better with champagne?”
It’s the kind of question that only a minor would ask. Everything tastes better with champagne -- unless it’s bad champagne, but in Lex’s experience, even bad champagne still isn’t that bad.
“Would you care to try it and find out?”
“All right.”
All. Right. Clark licks at Lex’s mouth with that impossibly pink, wet, long, did Lex mention wet? tongue, and all Lex gets is an ‘all right?’
“You just licked me.”
Clark licked Lex. It was obvious enough, even for Lex.
“Well, yes, I was going to kiss you, but I had to get the chocolate first.”
“Excuse me, what?” It must be the booze. Lex had forgotten that sometimes champagne and the sun don’t mix.
“I said…”
“I know what you said.” Lex had forgotten how champagne sometimes affects the hearing as well.
“Am I going about it wrong?”
“Are you going about what wrong?” It appears that the champagne is really affecting Lex’s hearing.
“Seducing you.”
“Seducing. Me?” Obviously Lex has missed something enormous big here. It must be because of the champagne.
“Clark, why would you be seducing me?”
“Because – because I like you, and we’re on a picnic with champagne and chocolate strawberries and I think seduction is probably mandatory.”
“So, you’re going to seduce me? I didn’t even know you liked me.”
“Blind people could tell that I like you, Lex.” Which is obviously the champagne affecting Lex’s sight as well.
Champagne goggles.
“That you. Like. Me.” Lex needs to take a break, or five or six or something. He should put the Veuve Clicquot down. “Wait. Like as in past tense, like as in present tense or like as in ‘Lana-who’?
“Lana who?”
“You like me better than Lana?” Oh, Jesus. He must be drunk, he sounds like a girl. He sounds like, well, like Nina, or Michelle, or fucking hell, Victoria.
“I thought that was pretty obvious, Lex. I mean I’ve never stopped you from flirting with me, have I?”
He’s known. Clark knew Lex was flirting with him. All that obviousness and Clark knew. That’s impossible. Clark is a country bumpkin and Lex is the big city boy.
Lex has tact. Lex is tact. There’s no way.
“I haven’t been…”
“I maybe be young, Lex, but even I’m not that dense.”
Shit.
“I never said you -- and you never stopped me.”
“Why would I? It was cute.”
Cute. Cute.
Lex nearly dies - repeatedly, defies his father – well, always, ingests broccoli on a regular basis, and contends with Jonathan “Luthors should be castrated at birth” Kent on a semi-regular basis and it’s cute?
Fuck that.
“I am not cute.”
“You are cute, and about as subtle as a Mac truck.”
Lex is not that obvious.
“I am not cute. Take that back.”
“Take that back, what are you, Lex, ten?”
“First of all, I am not cute, and second of all, you’ve known all this time that I – that I whatever, and you just let me carry on – and now you’re trying to seduce me?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Oh.”
“Well, I would be trying to seduce you if you would be quite for a minute and let me kiss you.”
“Oh, okay. Consider me quiet.”
-fin-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 12:47 pm (UTC)I love you. That is all.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 02:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 01:34 pm (UTC)Like raincitygirl, I've been grumpy too, and your story perked me right up. So, *so* sweet. Hee.
Thanks Tressieboo!
*MWAH!*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 02:27 pm (UTC)::checks name on driver's license::
wrong LJ, babe, but i hope you liked the story all the same.
Re:
Date: 2002-09-24 05:42 pm (UTC)*runs away*
No, really, that's what I get for trying to talk, type, drink coffee and think all at the same time. Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 02:33 pm (UTC)It’s today.
aww shucks ...
and they say neither of us have anything resembling a heart !!!
*BG*
thanks z ...
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 02:54 pm (UTC)*g*
happy birthday, p.diddy.
Re:
Date: 2002-09-24 03:08 pm (UTC)Yeah so was I ???
Wasn't that my present ???
*g*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 03:55 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-24 04:03 pm (UTC)Bwahaha !!!
But, I bet you had fun trying to squeeze them into that package ???
*groan*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 03:05 pm (UTC)*clutches story like a blankie*
Do I want it? Umm... le'me think...
Ahem... *smiles*
You are a goddess, Z! This is just what the doctor ordered. Thank you for the pressie! *wallows*
“You are cute, and about as subtle as a Mac truck.”
Bahahahaha!!! Nothing is funnier than the truth. Heee! Poor Lex. Undone by the not-as-clueless-as-he-seems teenager.
And look! Less than 3 hours! SQUEEEEE!!! I'm more than a little anxious, in case you couldn't tell *wink*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 03:57 pm (UTC)Do I want it? Umm... le'me think... YES!!!
okay, just checking, because you know how your friends give you gifts and you can't do jack shit with them so you put them in the closet and forget about them until they ask and then you're all 'yeah, i totally have that. i use it all the time!'
that is not just me, hush. *g*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 03:40 pm (UTC)::bounce:: I love this. Zahra, this made me all happy. I probably should have saved this for after the premiere, because I'll need it after the angst...but I couldn't wait. Yay for happy! Yay for oblivious Lex!
P.S. Any chance you'll write another one for tomorrow since I couldn't save this for the post-premiere angst?
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 04:05 pm (UTC)i highly doubt it, babe. i wanted to get this out in time to beat the no doubt, super-angst that is sure to influx my system tomorrow.
still. who knows! another day another $0.78 *g*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 05:08 pm (UTC)And I was flying on a little bubbly myeself.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-25 09:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 07:10 pm (UTC)Lex bets that Clark tastes good with the strawberries, too;
He's so clever. *g*
no subject
Date: 2002-09-25 09:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-24 09:24 pm (UTC)“Well, yes, I was going to kiss you, but I had to get the chocolate first.”
Hehe, I loved that line. The whole thing was adorable :)
no subject
Date: 2002-09-25 09:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-11 10:42 pm (UTC)because of the cuteness, man. I loved how you built on the concept of hiding in plain sight, just to take it to the end and find out that no, Clark hasn't missed it at all. How fucking great. I'm just smiling here, because it's all so wonderful. And chocolate strawberries and champagne, I can just picture it perfectly, and it's gorgeous. And sweet. And I'm still grinning. Because, yes.