rocks for brains

[hackthis_archive]

God, to be able to write like this.

Shit, I can’t even *think* like this, and to this day this is still one of the most amazing stories I’ve ever read.

Right, now that I’m sufficiently humbled and feeling small, I’m working on slodwick’s Stephen King Challenge. FYI: This is not finished, this makes no sense, and there are spoilers for 'Vortex' too.



Sometimes They Come Back



Emotions are for the weak and attachments are for computer files, but Lex has no idea how he’s going to get Clark Kent out of his bed. Correction: Lex doesn’t know how he’s going to let Clark out of his bed, or even out of his sight. Forget letting Clark out the bedroom.

After all that's passed between them, Lex isn't even sure if Clark should be there in the first place.

Lex knows Clark shouldn't be there at all.

In one night, Clark has lost his virginity and Lex has lost his mind. Now, Lex’s feeble excuse for a heart is mixed in with the bed linen and his guilty conscience.

Lex doesn't even have a conscience.

Lex never should have let Clark into his life in the first place.

+++

Lex’s mother has been dead for almost ten years now, and every day he hopes she’ll come back.

It has yet to happen, but that’s never stopped him from trying. Wishing.

Look what it’s done for his relationship with his father.

All those times he wished Lionel deaf, dumb, blind, kidnapped, tortured and dead.

Now he can’t take it back.

+++

Victoria never had to come back -- she never left to begin with, and Lex is sure he must miss her in some way. There must have been something there besides the sex, something besides the business... but that's just Clark's voice talking.

The photographs tell him otherwise.

Lex can be delusional sometimes, and he knows Victoria’s always there. She’s always been there on the fringes in society pages, lurking in the corners of business deals, and just a phone call away from being back in Lex’s bed.

He never missed her.

He knows she’s still not gone.

+++

Afterwards, Clark automatically curls himself around Lex as though Lex is a security blanket or a ghost. As though Lex will be able to protect Clark from whatever was out there.

Lex is out there.

How can Lex protect Clark from himself?

+++

Julian is the only one who comes back every night.

+++

Lex was never clichéd enough to lose his virginity to the gardener’s son. He lost it to the butler’s son -- six days after he slept with the gardener’s daughter.

There are all different kinds of virginity.

Lex doesn’t remember her name, or his name either.

Lex remembers that the cook has a son though, and his name was Jack. Or possibly Jake or John. It was something with a ‘J’. Lex knows lots of boys whose names start with the letter ‘J.’

He thinks he should remember the first person he slept with a little better, but the memory doesn’t seem to want to come back.

He's not surprised.

+++

Clark is sweet and slow in the mornings; he yawns and rubs at his eyes and he looks like a kitten.

Lex has never looked at kitten in his life.

He’s been sitting in a chair, watching Clark sleep, for the last two hours.

He’s been awake and fully dressed for the last thee hours.

Lex has never learned how to share his bed well. He expects people to leave directly afterwards. Most people know to leave afterwards.

Clark isn’t most people.

+++

Holly was the first girl to make a return trip to Lex's bed, a gift from his father. The best that Luthor money could buy.

Edward was the first boy to make a return trip to Lex's bed. The best fuck that drugs could buy.

+++

Lex sends Clark home freshly washed and fed with a pat on the head. It’s important to send them off well.

He doesn’t expect Clark to come back.

+++

Comments

[holographis.livejournal.com]

Don't don't don't even think that your writing is not as good as those stories, because it is wonderful. I don't leave you nearly enough feedback, especially considering you comment on pretty much everything I write. I have never read anything of yours that is bad at all, and most of it gives me goosebumps and makes me want to write like it. This one, even though it's not finished...it still gets me, especially

Lex’s mother has been dead for almost ten years now, and every day he hopes she’ll come back.

It has yet to happen, but that’s never stopped him from trying. Wishing.

because that's exactly how it is. Exactly. I have never stopped wanting my mum back, and it's been 11 years and you just cut straight to the heart of it with that. No angsting (because that's not Lex's style), just a statement of fact, of how it is, of how you keep this fantasy because a little part of you has never grown up and is still waiting for someone to come and tell you fairytales and tuck you into bed.

I want to take your Lex home with me and cuddle him and make him cocoa, and I would make you cocoa too (or tea, or coffee if you preferred) because you inspire me and you keep me writing and you must never think your writing is less than anyone else's because it isn't.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I have never read anything of yours that is bad at all, and most of it gives me goosebumps and makes me want to write like it.

you're full if it, but i like you all the same. and i wasn't trolling for a pity party i'm just a bit - errr, upset that i can't seem to write what i want to. *g*. and i can make lex angst, but i've found it doesn't do a lot because then he just gets vexed and starts breaking things. really, he's very productive that way.

lex and i will be round for cocoa after work!

Re:

[holographis.livejournal.com]

But see, you can actually write Lex. I am sitting at my computer having an SV marathon and I can't write any of the SV characters at all. They are all evil and I hate them. Except for Lex, who I lust after. So, about that cocoa...*g*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I can't write any of the SV characters at all.

nonsense. as a very wise stoner once sang 'you can do anything you want to, and all you've gotta do is try.'

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Gaaaaaaar. Oof.

I'm loving this, darling.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you liked it. :)

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

I'm all ack! and broken!silvia and wanting to cuddle Lex and then. um. duck. before he kills with me with a look.

but oh, the last two lines. oh, Lex. You just rip out my insides, you really do.

I very much like the repetition here -- not done to excess, and done skillfully.

I think this was the portion that hit me the hardest emotionally:
Lex’s mother has been dead for almost ten years now, and every day he hopes she’ll come back.
It has yet to happen, but that’s never stopped him from trying. Wishing.
Look what it’s done for his relationship with his father.
All those times he wished Lionel deaf, dumb, blind, kidnapped, tortured and dead.
Now he can’t take it back.

<- all incoherent and no good with feedback today. sorry.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

you are brilliant with feedback, hush. all feedback is of the good. and as for this ::kicks story which acts like blob of jello:: i suspect i shall try and make it into something proper some day, but i'm very distraught right now because i want to write something great for lex, and for draco and for d/h and it's like there's a short in my brain system.

::sighs forlornly::

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

oh, I HATE that. ug. When you have it on the tip on your tongue, you want to write great, big, glorious things for them, because they're just so damned neat, and you can't. [fist of fury]

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

::borrows silvia's fist of fury and waves them at marcus, oliver, draco and harry who just laugh::

i know exactly what you mean.

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

Damn !!!
You're like a machine at the moment *BG*
This is amazing and that's probably about all I'm gonna be able to say ...
pretend I said something really eloquent OK ???

*g*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

a machine that's spitting out crap. i feel like a shredder. i'm just constantly spewing crap! i don't like any of this. it's just a bunch or words there's nothing that moves me.

fuckit! fuckit! fuckit!

[buggery.livejournal.com]

This is lovely and oh so Lex -- I particularly liked the "all different kinds of virginity" and the way so many people were in the room with Lex (and the unspoken but obvious contrast that Clark thought it was just him and Lex).

Woobie Lex.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

i'm so glad you liked it, jack.

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

Z you always know just how to hurt me :) I love your drabbles.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you liked this one sweetie, i'm not in danger of flipping draco and lex am i? *g* also, i've gone ahead and stuck the majority of my hp drabbles up at my site (www.obsessedmuch.net/dysfunctional), so now you can link to me! yay me! yay you!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

um. i should be able to link to my own site better. my bad.

http://www.obsessedmuch.net/dysfunctional

[cyclogenesis.livejournal.com]

Ow! Ow! Quit it! ::clutches heart protectively::

You hurt me. Oh, but it hurts so good.