I don’t want to do this anymore

[hackthis_archive]

God Bless The Child


Them that's got shall get
Them that's not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own
-Billie Holiday ‘God Bless The Child’


Friendship isn’t the sort of thing Lex takes lightly. He has /had/ one friend in the entire world and he hasn't had enough time to get the hang of the whole friendship thing. Lex isn’t quite sure if offering Clark a dead body is the sort of gift that will be accepted in the Kent household. It’s obvious that it is to some extent, but really it’s not the sort of thing that he’ll be carting around in the passenger seat of the car or keeping stored in the trunk.

Lex doesn’t kill for just anybody. Lex doesn’t kill just because.

It never could’ve been just anybody.

Death isn’t the sort of thing that Lex takes lightly.

He still remembers when Hector the goldfish died. It wasn’t actually a goldfish, it might’ve been a piranha knowing his father, but he still remembers when Hector died. He cried in the closet until Pam found him and promised to buy him not one, but two, new replacements.

Lex didn't want a new fish.

Death is death, and no life is worth more than another. Even Lex understands that. Hammurabi’s Code. Someone might kill Lex one day and it would be perfectly justified. Just because he killed – justifiable homicide – murdered – shot – prevented a different death doesn’t change the course of his actions.

Roger Nixon is still dead. Lex is still responsible.

All the handshakes in the world aren’t going to change the facts. All the closed files and back page articles can’t deny the truth.

Lex remembers when Jude died. He wonders what Amanda looked like when she died. His mother was just cold and Hector just floated.

Pam said it was all part of nature.

Nature doesn’t come equipped with a gun.

Nature doesn’t provide for protection from reporters and questions and tornadoes. Nature doesn’t provide for children with father issues and mother issues.

Some people are luckier than Lex. Some people are actually missed when they die. Even Nixon had a family. Why does it feel like no one cares?

Why is it is justifiable? Lex is the one that pulled the trigger, he was there. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he can justify his actions. Maybe he doesn’t even want to. Maybe this is just what he needs to look himself in the mirror in the morning and believe the worst of the tabloids and the rumours.

Maybe it was only a matter of time before it came to this: nightmares and sleeping pills and booze cycling him uphill just when he thought he was done.

It’s never over. The reasoning will never be enough. The questions will never stop even when the inquest is over.

The body will be buried and Lex will still feel the death.

Comments

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

fuck Zahra..you make it hurt so good.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

::looks around nervously::

have you been talking to my exes?

seriously, i'm glad you liked it.

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

eh? what's that you say?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

i dunno what did i say?

Re:

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

i have no clue.

Are you leaving SV?

[(Anonymous)]

"I don't want to do this anymore" and "closing the book" -- is this you talking, or Lex?

The story is beautiful -- that last line is one of the greats.

your devoted fan,

Mary Ellen
Doctor Science

Re: Are you leaving SV?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

leaving SV? hmmm. no. don't think so, at least not yet.

i'm just vexed because i can't seem to get the point i want to make about lex in vortex down in my fic and it's driving me nuts. this was me thinking i should just close the book and leave this angle alone.

so, sadly you're stuck with me a bit longer *vbg*

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

hmmm... I really like this interpretion of Lex and death. You hit me from a side I wasn't expecting, and that's always something I appreicate in fanfiction. *hums approvingly*

Really love the fish. That was inspired.

and oh.
"His mother was just cold and Hector just floated."

Brilliance, my dear.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You know when fish die that's a really traumatic time. *g* Stop laughing, I used to have two fish - Harry and Sally and when they died I was seriously bummed, and while I was writing this I kept thinking of the Cosby Show episode when Lamont died. Dude, a fish named Lamont.

[barely-bean.livejournal.com]

You know when fish die that's a really traumatic time. *g*

Damned right it is. I was heartbroken when Henri Vincent died. And he wasn't even technically my fish. My suitemate had bought fish for all of us. Three of them died. He was the only one to survive. And somehow I was left in charge of his care over the summer. He survived countless car trips, an attack of algae in his bowl, and nine months later, I was convinced he was never leaving me, and he dies. I waited for two hours for him to stop the joke. ::sniffle::

[vissy.livejournal.com]

Oh crap, that's so sad *sniff*. How could he even imagine no-one would miss him if he died? Hug Lex Now.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

pobre lex. i'm glad you liked it, though, sad bits and all.

[cyclogenesis.livejournal.com]

Oooh.

Hurt me again.

The bit with the goldfish was just perfect. Love.

Yes. Great work.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

sigh. i drove myself bonkers trying to find the right sentiment for that whole 'oh shit i killed somebody lex.' i'm still unsatisfied, but if you're happy that's all that counts.