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hackthis: [rage blackout]antheia: You know what you need?hackthis: To call up my ninja bretheren, so I can choke a bitch?antheia: Write Ari and Rahm.hackthis: .... Ohhhhhhhh.Entourage/ Political RPF <--- Look! An 'F' not an 'S'!
Ari Gold, Rahm Emanuel
Rated R for offensive language. Like always.
November 1, 2008
"Ari."
"Rahm?"
"You can call me God."
"Fuck you, you greasy motherfucker, what do you want? It's, like, five in the fucking morning."
"Is that anyway to talk to your brother?"
"Fuck you, Rahm."
"Shut the fuck up, you lazy, diseased prick. Does dad know you fucking sleep the whole fucking day?"
"I'm 42! Fuck dad!"
"Oh, really? Fuck the ex-terrorist? You want me to call him on three-way so you can –"
"Fuck you, you white-haired ass licker, what do you want?"
"Do I need to come out there to Gayland and remind you who the fuck you're talking to?"
"Whatever, I'm up."
"Fucking hippie-ass, latte-snorting, lazy-ass, trannie fucking motherfucker."
"Hey man, don't talk about mom."
"Oh, but you can talk about dad?"
"Have I said 'whatever, asshole' to you yet today?"
"You can't tell me shit, Ariel Hiram Emanuel fucking Gold ass motherfucker, impugning the family name."
"There was already an Ari Emanuel out here! What the fuck? I sure as hell wasn't going to be mistaken for that grey haired, pinched face, cum sucker."
"Nice, Ari."
'I know. What the fuck do you want, Rahm?"
"Nothing. Just sitting here... fucking your wife."
"Don't talk about the mother of my children. I will totally fly home to Chicago and fuck your shit up."
"You wish."
*pause*
"So, you excited about your boy, Barack?"
"Who needs excitement? He's going to kill it. This time on Wednesday, Barack Obama is going to be the fucking President-Elect of the United fucking States of America."
"The United Fucking States of America, huh? We have a name change nobody told me about?"
"I'm just saying."
"Uh, huh. You need me to make any phone calls? I know this guy who knows this guy, who can totally make McCain disappear like Ben Affleck's career."
"You know my phone's tapped, right?"
"Dear Homeland Security, why don't you come to my house and suck my dick? Your wife is tired from riding it all night long."
"Nice, Ari."
"I know."
"I'll talk to you later."
"You do that."
November 3, 2008
"Asshole, why the fuck do I have to hear from Zeke that you're going be Chief of Staff for the Magic Negro?"
"Tell me you didn't call him the Magic Negro."
"Yes, I called him the fucking Magic Negro! You're the fucking Magic Jew -- no, wait, that's me."
"Too late motherfucker, I'm the fucking Magic Jew now! I've got the magic dick too."
"I've seen your dick, Rahm, nothing magical there."
"You'll be sucking it when my man wins tomorrow."
"Don't make me donate money to McCain."
"Please, Dad would whack you in your sleep."
"Fuck you, I know you've been eating Pelosi's pussy."
"Okay, that -- that wasn't bad."
"I know, right?"
"What the fuck ever."
*pause*
"You really think your boy's gonna do this?"
"He's the Magic Negro, do not doubt his skills."
"Skills. I know you're not telling me that you and Barack Obama—"
"You are dirty homofucker, I don't know where you get these ideas from. Now Michelle…"
"You wish."
"Yeah, so do you."
"Hey, I didn't deny it. You know George is about to suck his own dick over this election, right?"
"Don't bring your Hollywood goyem around my man. I don't need George Clooney as the next Monica Lewinsky, Ari."
"Love you too, bro."
"Fuck you."
"Maybe if you ask nicely. I've told the agency that any motherfucker that doesn't vote for Obama, should clean their fucking desk out, before I find the fuck out and make them a ritual sacrifice on the altar of Box Office Receipts and Cocksucking Assistants named Lloyd."
"You do that."
"I already did. You know Jews and blacks gotta stick together on this thing."
November 4, 2008
"So."
"So."
"Your boy won."
"I told you so."
"What the fuck are we, five?"
"You want me to call Zeke to beat your ass down?"
"With what, the Encyclopedia Britannica?"
"I'm just saying."
"Congratulations, I know you earned it."
"We did."
"I know all those blow jobs must've given you serious lockjaw."
"Fuck you, Ari."
"I'm serious, Rahm, you did good. Save Israel, motherfucker."
"I'll get Barack right on that."
"You do that."
"And then you can put Brad Pitt's ass in Gitmo for leaving George all fucked up and sad."
"Sorry, Ari, dick smoking isn't a federal offense."
"Maybe not in your state, but there are a few others where I know you can make somebody disappear."
"You really want to use your Golden Ticket on Brad Pitt?"
*pause*
"Good point, I'll just save it for when I want to blow up CAA."
"You do that."
November 5, 2008
"You Republican assmonkey fucking, baby-eating, Thai hooker fisting, Bill Clinton fuck buddy titty licker – you accepted the Chief of Staff position and I have to find out from MSNBC? YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED, RAHM!"
"I haven't accepted jackshit, Ari, I told Barack I would think about it."
*pause*
"Think about it? What the fuck is there to think about?! You need to think about if you want to be The Most Powerful Jew in the World? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you get the clap again? Your been whacking off to gay porn? Amy not putting out?"
"I will have the Secret Service cut you, if you talk about my wife again, Ari."
"I'm just saying. What the hell is there to think about?"
"Most powerful Jew in the world."
"YES, RAHM! GOD!"
"More powerful than you?"
"Except for in Ari Gold's Dictatorship of Hollywood, yes."
"You really think I should do it?"
"Is that a real question?"
"I guess not."
"Mothefucker, if you don't take this job, I will fly to DC, smoke you, steal your skin, and accept the job myself."
"That's kind of fucked up."
"Well, we are related like that."
"Okay."
"Okay, I'll do it, or okay, Ari, what the fuck ever, I'm going to go join the Israeli army anyway?"
"You're still mad about that."
"You could have fucking died, Rahm."
*pause*
"I'll let you know when I decide."
"You fucking do that."
November 6, 2008
"I said yes."
"You said 'yes'. Yes, what? Yes, I've got the clap? Yes, I was fucking Matt Damon ten years ago? Yes, I've got a dick so long I can stick up my own asshole? Yes, what motherfucker?"
"Yes, Ari. To Barack."
*pause*
"Oh. You said 'yes.'"
"Yeah, just as soon as Nancy was done riding my dick I told her I was going to be the most powerful Jew in the world."
"She must've loved that."
"You know how women like power."
"And how'd your wife take it?"
"She's going to be Mrs. Most Powerful Jew in the World. There's no bad there."
"Made your ass sleep on the sofa, cause she's pissed about moving, huh?"
"Pretty much."
"You know what this makes me, right?"
"The brother of God."
"I thought Barack had a sister, you get a sex-change operation you didn't tell me about?"
"Fuck you, Ari."
"Seriously, this is the best thing ever. I'm going to have to knock up the Missus, just so we can have a bris in the Oval Office."
*pause*
"I'm proud of you, Rahm, seriously."
"I know you are."
"Black people and Jews are finally running the country."
"Took long enough."
"I was just thinking that myself."
"Here's to us, Ari."
"I'm saying. Mazel tov, bitch."
"Mazel tov, motherfucker."
"And that, is change you can fucking believe it."
"Oh, shut the fuck up, Ari."
-end-
For the record, white people, calling somebody the Magic Negro is not a term of endearment. It is a big fucking NO. Just because Ari says it does not mean you get to say it too. Unless you want somebody to bitchslap you.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 10:50 pm (UTC)Ari's sure got a way with words, doesn't he? though I personally get my news from MSNBC, I can kinda see his point in this instance - a quick personal call might have been in order.
this is so much love!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:30 pm (UTC)And what an adorable icon!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:59 pm (UTC)Also, I saw in your LJ that you have finally succumbed to the power of Entourage. You will not regret this.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 12:04 am (UTC)Love. It.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 12:10 am (UTC)"Okay, I'll do it, or okay, Ari, what the fuck ever, I'm going to go join the Israeli army anyway?"
"You're still mad about that."
"You could have fucking died, Rahm."
How you got so much of everything about them across through phone conversations killed me dead. (And I loved all the references to your other stuff like Clooney '08 etc. to boot.) Motherfucking awesome!
Also? We have the same Rahm icon, ftw. :P
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:04 pm (UTC)How you got so much of everything about them across through phone conversations killed me dead. (And I loved all the references to your other stuff like Clooney '08 etc. to boot.) Motherfucking awesome!
It's amazing what you can do with random factoids, isn't it? :D
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 09:11 pm (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:05 pm (UTC)OMG!!!!!!!!
Date: 2008-11-15 01:41 am (UTC)"You Republican assmonkey fucking, baby-eating, Thai hooker fisting, Bill Clinton fuck buddy titty licker – you accepted the Chief of Staff position and I have to find out from MSNBC? YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED, RAHM!"
"I haven't accepted jackshit, Ari, I told Barack I would think about it."
*pause*
"Think about it? What the fuck is there to think about?! You need to think about if you want to be The Most Powerful Jew in the World? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you get the clap again? Your been whacking off to gay porn? Amy not putting out?"
"I will have the Secret Service cut you, if you talk about my wife again, Ari."
"I'm just saying. What the hell is there to think about?"
"Most powerful Jew in the world."
"YES, RAHM! GOD!"
"More powerful than you?"
"Except for in Ari Gold's Dictatorship of Hollywood, yes."
"You really think I should do it?"
"Is that a real question?"
"I guess not."
"Mothefucker, if you don't take this job, I will fly to DC, smoke you, steal your skin, and accept the job myself."
"That's kind of fucked up."
"Well, we are related like that."
"Okay."
This, this right here was totally what I was thinking when I read that Rahm was thinking about it (only with less swearing and minding that I had to find out from MSNBC). HAHAHAHA!
Seriously great!
Re: OMG!!!!!!!!
Date: 2008-11-15 08:05 pm (UTC)This, this right here was totally what I was thinking when I read that Rahm was thinking about it (only with less swearing and minding that I had to find out from MSNBC). HAHAHAHA!
That was my thought too. I remember being all 'thinking about it'? What the hell is there to think about?!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:50 pm (UTC)Triple word score points for conveying the fact that they're obsessed with Blackberry by making it phone conversations.
Seriously, this was hilarious and witty and adorably obscenity-filled.
Also
this fact:
Black people and Jews are finally running the country
...
Mazel Tov, motherfucker.
Still can warm my icy black heart. Amazing.
Yes.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 08:51 pm (UTC)blacks and jews running the country, fucking great.
Brad in gitmo. hee hee hee yes.
Rahm and Ari fucking priceless.
BTW this whole election has given me a strong desire to re-watch The West Wing
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-16 02:58 am (UTC)*dies*
"Yes, I called him the fucking Magic Negro! You're the fucking Magic Jew -- no, wait, that's me."
*dies again*
"Don't bring your Hollywood goyem around my man. I don't need George Clooney as the next Monica Lewinsky, Ari."
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my fucking god. And 10 points for proper use of the word 'goyem'
"And then you can put Brad Pitt's ass in Gitmo for leaving George all fucked up and sad."
I love you so much.
"Mazel tov, motherfucker."
And I am totally saying this a lot, starting now.
I love you!!!!!!!!!!! You are awesome! I needed to laugh and smile and you just made me laugh and smile a whole lot.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:46 pm (UTC)Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my fucking god. And 10 points for proper use of the word 'goyem'
I do what I can to keep it real. ;) Also, I just posted Stephen/Rahm. Yes, really.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-16 07:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-17 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-18 03:58 pm (UTC)Ari Gold, Rahm Emanuel
Date: 2008-11-26 11:27 am (UTC)http://henryjenkins.org/2008/11/fan_fiction_someone_needs_to_w.html
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 07:27 am (UTC)*dies of laughter*
Ari Gold wins at the internet.