Like the blind man, in the dark room, looking for the black cat... that isn't there

[hackthis_archive]

While in conversation with lazlet and maurheti about the second episode of Doctor Who featuring Eleven something profound occurred to me:

The sonic screwdriver looks like a penis.

So, basically, Doctor Who is a show about a white man that goes around the universe saving various inhabitants with his giant glowing penis.

I'll repeat that: Doctor Who is a show a man created about another man and his healing cock.

THEY MADE A SHOW ABOUT THIS AND IT GOT ON THE AIR?!

Oh, wait, that's like the story of colonization history, innit?

(Poke would fucking love this shit.)

---

Also, I saw The Losers the other day and my thoughts can be summed up like so:


Clay + Roque = HOTASS ANGRY SEX (Obviously before Roque turned on the team) (I would like to read about this immediately)

Clay + Aisha = HOTASS ANGRY SEX (that I would like to read about immediately)

Jensen + Pooch = adorable hetero-lifemates (that I would like to read about immediately)

Is anybody gonna write this stuff? PLEASE?!

---

In other news... anybody got a story that they'd like to recommend to me that they think I might like? The last time I wanted something with lots of explosions and violence and was forced to write my own, I am not trying to go down that road again.

---

I was thinking the other day about my past fandoms (there are quite a few) and how far I've come with my writing. There are a few stories that after all this time I still quite like. They're not going to change anybody's world, but I'm still really happy to have written:

1. Square One. Smallville. Written during Lex's time at Belle Reeve in S2. This story was like pulling fingernails out while I wrote it, but I still think well of it six years later.

2. I See Monsters (That's When I Reach for my Revolver) a Neville/Theodore story based on the video viðrar vel til loftárása by Sigur Ros. Five years later I still have soft spot for this pairing, especially since Matthew Lewis has turned out to be nineteen thousand times hotter than Dan Radcliffe (ha!). I win \o/

3. Telegraph Avenue. The O.C. Yeah, I know. But it's the very first story I ever wrote longer than 30 pages, and let me tell you, the first time you realize you can actually do that and the world won't fall apart? BIG FUCKING DEAL.

4. The Way I Was Made, which is a Smallville/Superman Returns/Teen Titans fusion that has the distinction of being the very first story I wrote that was a) over 60 pages and b) written all at one time and not in chapters (unlike TA). It took me a month. Longest month ever. (In comparison, I wrote both Son is on a Midnight Run and Get Some in a week. Actually Son only took a week including beta. Yeah, my betas got it like that.)

With a Special Award to The Incredibly True Adventures of Four Stars, Two Actors In Love, and One Gay Landmark. There are a lot of schools of thought about RPS. I subscribe to the "as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, I don't care" school of thought. And this story was the very first time I realized not only that RPS is damn fun (and not all emo LOTRips) but that, holy shit, real life is way more hysterical than anything I could dream up. Thank you Ari, George, Brad (I was touched in the head) and Jake (who I *still* don't like).

Comments

[lazulus]

Someone needs to write the fic where Poke goes off on one about this very subject.

Just sayin'.

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

HA!!!

Poke and Ray talking about Doctor Who? Wow.

[stentoriansista.livejournal.com]

I was just saying to a friend yesterday how it was staggering that they hadn't yet marketed a sonic screwdriver vibrator. You know they'd sell like hotcakes.

[pandarus.livejournal.com]

OMG - you are very clever indeed.

What would they call it? The Sonic Screwdiver? The Sonic Muffdiver? The Sonic Screw? I mean, there's a refrigeratable glittery white dildo out there pitched at the Twifans, so there sure as hell should be a vibrator for the Whovians.

Just what The Doctor ordered.

[pandarus.livejournal.com]

That Sigur Ros video? OMG, that was like an espresso version of a Kes/Billy Elliot hybrid. Owch owch owch.

...see, now you're going to send me off on a Hackthis retrospective reread, woman. Which is all to the good, only right now it's bed time. Even if it doesn't feel like it should be bedtime for another six hours.

(Curse that pesky jetlag.)

And, yeah - Matthew Lewis is SO much more lickable than Daniel Radcliffe. Plus - adorable! His twitterstream is terribly, terribly disarming.

[pandarus.livejournal.com]

Also - have not yet seen 'The Losers' movie, but I read the Graphic novel & it rocked my socks. Am VERY much looking forward to the movie...

[sorrelchestnut.livejournal.com]

I have no fanfiction for The Losers, but my immediate reaction, before even finishing the movie, was: "So basically Roque got tired of Clay cheating on him with women who try to kill him and decided to See Other People."

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Wordy MsWorderson!

[lovetheboys.livejournal.com]

&hearts this interpretation...

[scifigirl.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say that Telegraph Avenue is still one of my favorite OC fics. I read it late, like possibly during or after season 4 aired, but I still adore it. ♥

But perhaps more importantly your fic is the reason I can read RPS, because it's really well written and with the inclusion of Ari Gold in almost everything it's much easier to draw the line between fiction and reality. Not that I've ever had a problem, but it was just a good way to get my feet wet in the RPS pool, so to speak. Your RPS is still the best thought.

I kind turned this comment into a giant hackthis love in. Teehee.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Well thank you for the love, it's always welcome :)

And I'm very happy that both Ari and TA work for you!

[bunglegirl.livejournal.com]

I still go back and read Telegraph Avenue every once in a while. I love that story!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you like it :)

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

I kind of want to see The Losers, but I have Jeffrey Dean Morgan issues.

Telegraph Avenue!!! I love that story so much. And some of thses I don't think I've ever read which is scandalous and I need to remedy.

And I know plenty of Dean/Castiel stories with explosions and violence, but I don't think you'd be as amused as I would if I recced them to you.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I can't say anything about Jeffrey Dean Morgan I've only seen him in two things including this. He is very hot with both Zoe Saldana and Idris Elba (Stringer Bell in the house!), though, so, uh, yeah.

I didn't know you read TA!

[fivil.livejournal.com]

I wish I could look back at my writing as fondly. While I am very proud of some fics, and like the idea of others, most of my old fic, I just want to hide in a corner and pretend it never happened. I mean, they seemed to work for some people but I can't read them nowadays myself and not spend the whole time cringing.

Your Theodore/Neville has a special place in my heart as well. And Matthew Lewis' progression just makes me very happy.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of stories, some I grimace at, some I just think okay, but there are a few that make me think, "You know, that's not bad." I think everybody has stuff like that.

I ♥ Theodore/Neville a lot.

[minaloush.livejournal.com]

Huh, this Post title was the title of an art exhibit near me... What is it from?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I was quoting Rowan Atkinson when I typed it in. I don't know where else it might be from.

ETA: It's apparently attributed to Darwin and goes in its entirety: "A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there."

[maurheti.livejournal.com]

1. Still laughing... And oh hell yes, Poke would have Things to Say!

2. A lot of hotass angry sex. A LOT. Oh my god.

3. Apparently I have some reading to do!!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

1. This is part of why Gina doesn't allow a TV in the bedroom, because she doesn't need Tony getting all riled up and bitching about the white man before bed.

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

I'll repeat that: Doctor Who is a show a man created about another man and his healing cock.

I know you're all about Eleven, but the Nine episode that introduces Captain Jack contains a hilarious moment where Nine magically replaces Jack's gun with... a banana. It was like Russell T. Davies said, "Children, we're going to introduce you to the concept of the phallic object."

Also, TELEGRAPH AVENUE. I now find myself hoping I sent you feedback on that story Back In The Day, because I love it so and I would hate to think you didn't know that.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I gotta tell you it never ceases to amaze me when people mention TA. I'm like you read that? For real?! It does make me very happy to hear, just so you know :)

[goss.livejournal.com]

"The Way I Was Made" is my faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavourite! It makes me smile just thinking about it. You have this fantastic way of combining so many of my fannish interests in the best way possible. *happy sigh*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*beams* I'm glad you still think so highly of it!

[vylit.livejournal.com]

I find myself quoting Poke all the time. Because really, he's awesome.

And I enjoyed The Losers quite a bit.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

White man's gotta rule the world, dog.

[lovetheboys.livejournal.com]

I was so excited for The Losers I actually got social! I had a group of 8 people (when my usual hang-out max is 4) to go see it, and we made up about 1/4 of all the people in the theater, which made me very sad.

But holy shit, SO. MUCH. LOVE. for everyone in the Losers. And Jensen? Exactly like my friend's husband. Like, to a freaky degree.

But so much yay! for blow-'em'-up movies with an actually-diverse cast who lets their badasses be smart too!

...All I could think of was a crossover and/or fusion with GK would be so awesome. Would the boys have fun with/as The Losers or what?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

But so much yay! for blow-'em'-up movies with an actually-diverse cast who lets their badasses be smart too!

The Losers was most definitely awesome. Smart badasses are the best.

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

Eh, I wish I had something to rec, but it's all fandoms I don't think you dabble in. (Though you still are the first person I thought of when I saw this.)

I have a real fondness for the Incredibly True Adventures because it wasn't just cool RPF, it was RPF with, like, multimedia! Pictures and links and such, like getting DVD Easter eggs. Though I do like Jake. And I distinctly remember someone calling Colin Farrel a manwhore, which still makes me laugh.

Also, random question but do Brad and Nate ever end up approving any Disney movies for Layla? This... had a reason, I swear.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 99 Luft Balloons! I remember when Jay-Z announced that The Black Album was going to be his last album (ha) and the entire world went on a remix binge. There's an awesome mash up of The Verve and Jay doing 'Dirt off Your Bittersweet Shoulders'

Colin Farrell is a whore, but because he's a man it's allowed. When a girl acts like that, she's like Super Slutty McSlutterson. Big fail.

Disney movies for Layla. Yeah, there are two: 101 Dalmatians (even Poke can't object to dogs) and The Princess and the Frog, because it only took them 60 years to make a movie about a black princess where they didn't kill anybody's mom. There are very real and valid objections to Cinderella (you don't need a man to save you), Snow White (no, polyamory with seven Rays), Peter Pan (rather obvious), Fantasia (racism 101), Sleeping Beauty (only blonde and blue eyed is pretty? fuck that), The Little Mermaid (why change for a man)... it just goes on and on. And these are just *Nate's* objections.

[unavee.livejournal.com]

*fangirls*

I See Monsters is one of my favorite HP fics--or actually, I don't usually read any HP now, but that's a story I still reread.

Yours was my favorite OC fic, so I read all of it, including Telegraph Avenue.

And I loved The Way I Was Made :D

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! :)

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

Nah, it's not about magic healing cock. Dr Who is about a creepy old bloke who kidnaps young men and women for 'adventures', and then dumps them for younger models when he gets bored (they're inevitably screwed up beyond all belief after dumping). And regularly gets plastic surgery to escape the authorities. Mind you, so does his on and off again boyfriend from uni.

But the new TARDIS has a GIANT GLASS DILDO on the console.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But the new TARDIS has a GIANT GLASS DILDO on the console

It doesn't have just one, it has like five. Also, the middle bit looks like glass anal beads. A highly dangerous mix.

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I must add my voice to that one commenter-- my recollection is kind of hazy, but I also think that reading "The Incredibly True Adventures" was my first foray into reading RPS and that was basically the start of a supremely awesome "downward spiral" into reading some fantastic fic in a genre I was previously too squicked to attempt :Db So thank you for that <33

(and I finally caught up with Southland and fuuuuuuuck it is so damn good)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

a) You are very welcome

b) SOUTHLAND IS LOVE! LOVE I TELL YOU!

[grey-bard.livejournal.com]

Re: Losers... My fannish friends and I jokingly started narrating commentary under our breaths early in the movie to the tune of: Roque and Clay are a married couple with a team of three kids.

Only the more the movie went on, the more we started to go "No, wait. Wait, that's the actual relationship dynamic! And now they're having a messy divorce. And now the kids are starting to love new stepmommy despite a rocky start. And now the divorce just got messier..."

If there is not fic for this within a week of its release date, I will be VERY disappointed with the internet. Very disappointed!