Character fic.
Nov. 22nd, 2002 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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serrico’s Elizabeth Smart Challenge
Everything’s Not Lost
Improv: sugar, regret , arrival, cascade
The earth doesn’t stop spinning just because Clark Kent can’t get a clue.
Chloe knows this. She’s worked hard to realize it, even if it’s still an on-going process, but sometimes she forgets. Sometimes, like when she’s sitting in the Talon, and her coffee is cold, and she’s waiting for him to show up to talk about something he’s completely forgotten about, Chloe wonders if the world will stop until he finally arrives. It’s like somebody pushed a gigantic pause button on the remote control of her life.
She just wonders.
Somebody somewhere once said that ‘one fool don’t stop the show,’ and Chloe truly believes that. She believes that one day she’s going to find somebody for her who’s not Wall of Weird material, who’s not psychotic, who’s not doing double Jekyll and Hyde duty. But sometimes she wishes that Clark were this person. Chloe knows he’s not, but that doesn’t stop her from wishing. A little sugar to counteract the bitterness. It doesn’t stop her from wanting to hold the pause button until he figures it out.
Chloe knows her life isn’t over just because Clark claims he’s not interested in her, or in Lana, or anybody, but sometimes it feels like it is. It feels like he’s gone, lost someplace that she can’t follow. Someplace that he doesn’t want her to follow. In her heart she really thinks that Clark wants Lana and not her, but his behavior these days is so strange that a small bit of her says she can’t be sure.
She’s waiting for reality to cascade down on her head like rain at a funeral.
Chloe hates uncertainty, and sometimes she feels sort of lost. Not lost in the great Zen-master type-way where she’s in the woods with no proverbial compass, but more in the 'some part of her is missing, and Clark has it and he doesn’t know it yet' way. Chloe doesn't need a man to be complete, she just wants one - this particular one.
She feels lost in the way she did when she was five, and she came home from school one day, and her mother wasn’t there. She remembers being a bit perturbed because she had a question she wanted to ask her about where the ducks went when the lake froze over, but no mom. Of course her dad was there, but she wanted to ask her mother this particular question because that was the sort of question she answered, only no mom. Her dad told her that her mother was gone, and she remembers she was confused. Where had she gone? When was she coming back? And he just said she was 'gone.'
She was gone but not lost. Kinda like Clark is gone, but not lost.
Not lost, just not interested.
But Chloe harbors hope that Clark will show up one day with her heart under one arm, and an apology under the other, and he’ll be full of regret. He’ll be sorry. She wants him to be sorry. Is that too much too ask for? Sometimes, when she’s waiting for Lana to hurry up in the bathroom because she needs to brush her teeth, she thinks it is.
She knows it is.
Chloe knows it in the way that she knows that geese fly north when the lake freezes over, and people don’t always get what they want. She doesn’t actually need Clark anymore. Clark lies, and she listens, but she doesn’t accept blindly anymore. Now she knows that when she blinks he’ll be gone, and that when something’s wrong, he’ll come.
But she doesn't believe.
Chloe’s not dumb, and she’s always been good about keeping track of things. Of her things, and her life. She doesn't lose things blindly. It’s taking her time to realize that control of her things does not necessarily extend to other people; but she thought she had learned that back in first grade, and again in eighth grade, and then again at the Spring Formal, and the day after, and pretty much every day after that. But sometimes, when she comes home after school, after too many hours at the Torch and before Lana comes in from the Talon, Chloe has hope. She thinks that maybe this time when she opens the front door, her mother will be there, and she’ll ask her how her day was, and she’ll tell her that her boyfriend, Clark, called.
Except Chloe knows that that’s pretty much a lost cause.
So when Pete tells her she should have faith – even in Clark’s stupidity, even in her smarts and her personality, Chloe has to doubt him. She has to wonder: if everything’s not lost, then where it is?
It is unnecessary to atone
For sin: he is the losing one;
With all his conjuror's cheap disguise
No geese fly north because of his lies
No cause is lost, and nothing dies.
- Song: The Singing Summer Streets</
serrico’s Elizabeth Smart ChallengeEverything’s Not Lost
Improv: sugar, regret , arrival, cascade
The earth doesn’t stop spinning just because Clark Kent can’t get a clue.
Chloe knows this. She’s worked hard to realize it, even if it’s still an on-going process, but sometimes she forgets. Sometimes, like when she’s sitting in the Talon, and her coffee is cold, and she’s waiting for him to show up to talk about something he’s completely forgotten about, Chloe wonders if the world will stop until he finally arrives. It’s like somebody pushed a gigantic pause button on the remote control of her life.
She just wonders.
Somebody somewhere once said that ‘one fool don’t stop the show,’ and Chloe truly believes that. She believes that one day she’s going to find somebody for her who’s not Wall of Weird material, who’s not psychotic, who’s not doing double Jekyll and Hyde duty. But sometimes she wishes that Clark were this person. Chloe knows he’s not, but that doesn’t stop her from wishing. A little sugar to counteract the bitterness. It doesn’t stop her from wanting to hold the pause button until he figures it out.
Chloe knows her life isn’t over just because Clark claims he’s not interested in her, or in Lana, or anybody, but sometimes it feels like it is. It feels like he’s gone, lost someplace that she can’t follow. Someplace that he doesn’t want her to follow. In her heart she really thinks that Clark wants Lana and not her, but his behavior these days is so strange that a small bit of her says she can’t be sure.
She’s waiting for reality to cascade down on her head like rain at a funeral.
Chloe hates uncertainty, and sometimes she feels sort of lost. Not lost in the great Zen-master type-way where she’s in the woods with no proverbial compass, but more in the 'some part of her is missing, and Clark has it and he doesn’t know it yet' way. Chloe doesn't need a man to be complete, she just wants one - this particular one.
She feels lost in the way she did when she was five, and she came home from school one day, and her mother wasn’t there. She remembers being a bit perturbed because she had a question she wanted to ask her about where the ducks went when the lake froze over, but no mom. Of course her dad was there, but she wanted to ask her mother this particular question because that was the sort of question she answered, only no mom. Her dad told her that her mother was gone, and she remembers she was confused. Where had she gone? When was she coming back? And he just said she was 'gone.'
She was gone but not lost. Kinda like Clark is gone, but not lost.
Not lost, just not interested.
But Chloe harbors hope that Clark will show up one day with her heart under one arm, and an apology under the other, and he’ll be full of regret. He’ll be sorry. She wants him to be sorry. Is that too much too ask for? Sometimes, when she’s waiting for Lana to hurry up in the bathroom because she needs to brush her teeth, she thinks it is.
She knows it is.
Chloe knows it in the way that she knows that geese fly north when the lake freezes over, and people don’t always get what they want. She doesn’t actually need Clark anymore. Clark lies, and she listens, but she doesn’t accept blindly anymore. Now she knows that when she blinks he’ll be gone, and that when something’s wrong, he’ll come.
But she doesn't believe.
Chloe’s not dumb, and she’s always been good about keeping track of things. Of her things, and her life. She doesn't lose things blindly. It’s taking her time to realize that control of her things does not necessarily extend to other people; but she thought she had learned that back in first grade, and again in eighth grade, and then again at the Spring Formal, and the day after, and pretty much every day after that. But sometimes, when she comes home after school, after too many hours at the Torch and before Lana comes in from the Talon, Chloe has hope. She thinks that maybe this time when she opens the front door, her mother will be there, and she’ll ask her how her day was, and she’ll tell her that her boyfriend, Clark, called.
Except Chloe knows that that’s pretty much a lost cause.
So when Pete tells her she should have faith – even in Clark’s stupidity, even in her smarts and her personality, Chloe has to doubt him. She has to wonder: if everything’s not lost, then where it is?
It is unnecessary to atone
For sin: he is the losing one;
With all his conjuror's cheap disguise
No geese fly north because of his lies
No cause is lost, and nothing dies.
- Song: The Singing Summer Streets</
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 01:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Yes.
And this story? I love/hate/love how it drags me straight back to high school, or maybe it's junior high, without even time to kick or scream. How you've shown Chloe, with her different kinds of thinking and knowing and believing, and hoping despite it all—always love seeing the differences between what people think and what they feel anyway. (About the ducks, they generally worked for me (Cosby!), but 'perturbed' didn't—I'm not sure exactly why, but it may have been that it didn't fit the five-year-old self for me (though it's Chloe remembering, I realize), and it jumped out.)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 11:50 am (UTC)Thanks for pointing that out to me, my beta normally flogs me for things like that, but she was indisposed, and I have the patience of a two year-old. I am glad that you enjoyed the story otherwise though.
no subject
But for some reason, the part that stuck out was this:
>She remembers being a bit perturbed because she had a question she wanted to ask her about where the ducks went when the lake froze over, but no mom. Of course her dad was there, but she wanted to ask her mother this particular question because that was the sort of question she answered, only no mom.<
I just really liked that. I could so picture mini!Chloe asking her mom that and it made this perfect. Well done. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:36 pm (UTC)I just really liked that. I could so picture mini!Chloe asking her mom that and it made this perfect. Well done. ^_^
The Cosby show is like in my top five favorite television shows ever, and I remember this episode where Cliff is raving about Saundra, and he says he knew how smart she was the day she came home and asked him where the ducks went when the lake froze over. Chloe strikes me as that kind of smart. Anyway, enough babbling. I'm really glad you enjoyed this. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:25 pm (UTC)The world would suck ass with out you.
Give Chloe a hug for me. (only if you're drunk since we know you don't *do* sweet)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-22 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 05:44 pm (UTC)I just love how you handled this, the air of sadness and hope is so well done. This really made me feel for her. I can picture this so perfectly, like it's an episode ending: Chloe sitting in the Talon, hands gripping a cup of hot chocolate that's slowly getting cold, just staring at it and thinking that this is it. And she's not going to cry, because she can't, but it's just not fair, and god, it hurts.
She was gone but not lost. Kinda like Clark is gone, but not lost.
Not lost, just not interested.
This just really got to me.
Wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-24 10:50 pm (UTC)Ow. Yes. Ow.
Beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2002-11-25 09:53 am (UTC)poor thing
Date: 2004-06-07 07:58 am (UTC)Nicely done.