i've lost my ever-loving mind!
May. 30th, 2002 11:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archivei didn't go to carl's gig tonight because when i got home i had these thoughts. a whole fucking shedload of them, and well, this happened instead. this is going to be the end of a trilogy, but fucking hell was it fun. (some version of this will appear on monday i think...)
~ * ~
It’s a lot bigger than Lex was expecting. Of course, Lex wasn’t sure what to expect but wow. It’s definitely a spaceship. *Clark’s* spaceship because Clark is an alien. Fuck. Clark is *his* alien. Clark is Lex’s gay alien farmboy *something* and this could only happen in Kansas. Things like this never happened to Lex in New Haven or Gotham.
Lex may never leave Smallville again.
“So.”
“So.”
“This is your spaceship.”
“Yeah.”
Oh god, Lex has never said so little and had it mean so much. He’s always prided himself on the power of his understatements but there’s really not much to say to this because it’s a *spaceship.*
A fucking spaceship that brought Clark to Earth. It brought Clark to *Lex.* Oh, this has got to be the best thing *ever,* and Lex has this overwhelming urge to touch it.
To touch Clark.
To touch everything his alien has touched. Clark is Lex’s *alien.* Lex has to protect him. Fuck yes.
“So.”
“So.”
“So how do you turn it on?”
“Turn it *on?*”
And Lex has to grin because Clark just looks so young, so innocent. So…so.
Damage control time.
“Clark, you know that this doesn’t change anything.” Liar. Jonathan Kent probably could do better and Lex’s shudder has nothing to do with this whole experience.
“Okay, it changes some things but you know you’re the most human alien I know, you know this, right”
“Lex, I’m the only alien you know.”
“No, there was Mrs. Proctor in seventh grade, she was definitely not from anyplace on *this* planet.”
“Lex.” Okay, not the time for humor, Lex can see that.
“I mean that this doesn’t change how…” How Lex feels about Clark. Fuck. He’s getting emotional.
Goddamn fucking emotions.
“It doesn’t change what, Lex?”
“Doesn’t – doesn’t change *you.*” Oh god, he needs to touch Clark because this is so surreal and Dali would’ve tripped on this like LSD. Lex is never going to need another drug in his *life.*
He has to keel down because there go he poor knees again, and he’s in the dirt. Next to Clark’s ship. Oh fuck.
It’s so *real.*
God only knows what’s showing on Lex’s face: wonder, horror, complete and utter euphoria.
Fuck yes, and Clark has to get this, see this. See how Lex feels about it and Clark’s eyes are so big. So bright and the ship is so shiny. So metallic that Lex has to touch it, run his fingers all over this foreign object. It’s so smooth, so much like Clark.
And Clark is kneeling beside him, following Lex’s eyes, following his hands. God, Clark’s hands are enormous, and thank God it’s dark in the storm cellar because Lex is so hard it’s probably a bit scary; and Lex doesn’t want to scare his alien. Doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize this. Them.
Oh, has he got phone calls to make in the morning. After their date.
*His* date with *his* alien. Oh, this is too fucking funny, only Lex’s laugh escapes as something guttural, something painful, and Clark looks worried and. Oh. The hands are *back.* Clark’s hands are on top of Lex’s and they slide together all over the surface of the ship.
Touching. Feeling. This is quite possibly the most tactile experience of Lex’s life.
“It’s amazing, Clark.”
“Yeah,” only Clark doesn’t sound amazed. He doesn’t sounds as happy, as thrilled as Lex is, and oh.
“Clark, it’s not the ship, you know.”
“It’s not the ship what?”
“Not the ship that. The ship isn’t who you are. It’s not your destiny.”
No. Because *Lex* is Clark’s destiny.
“I – Lex, there are all these things,” pause, “Things that I can do and – and I’m not like everybody else.”
Lex has always liked that particular Kinks’ song, and well, yeah.
“Like what, Clark?”
“Like I’m strong. Really strong.”
Wry grin, “so I’ve gathered.”
“And I’m fast, and I can – I can see through stuff.”
Stuff. Stuff? God, Lex has so many questions he wants to ask, but somehow he knows it’s not the right time. They’ll have plenty of time – later. Only.
“And you’re pretty invincible. Right, Clark?” and Lex can hear Clark swallow.
“Yeah.”
“So I *did* hit you on the bridge.” Not a question, now it’s statement, and Clark’s hands are still resting on top of Lex’s; but Lex can *feel* Clark mentally fidgeting. Worrying.
“Yeah.”
Well, that’s that. The Truth. This is some conversation they’re having, and to think that Lex had it all planned out. Oh well. Lex the Adaptable can go with this. He can see all the pieces slotting into position. Only. All those *lies.*
And Lex knows that he shouldn’t hold them against Clark. That he shouldn’t feel *angry.* Only – only Lex is human and it *hurts.* It burns and Clark can tell. Lex can tell by the way Clark’s hands tighten over his. Not resting but holding and then releasing.
Clark is letting Lex go, if that’s what Lex wants. Only Lex has no intention of going anywhere.
“It’s okay you know,” because even if it isn’t, it will be. Someday.
“Lex, I’m so sorry I lied. I’m so sorry, I – I wanted to tell you but…”
Clark didn’t know
“I didn’t *know.*”
And that’s, that’s okay. Lex will get over it; Lex *has* to get over it or it will prevent him from going anywhere. It will prevent *them* from going anywhere, and he knows this. Lex knows that Clark knows this.
“Is that why you told me? Because you didn’t know? Because you *wanted* to know – wanted to find out?”
Slight nod, and God, Lex is feeling way too much right now. So emotional, and he can’t fucking help it because Clark believes. He believes in *Lex*. And Lex doesn’t want to fight it, doesn’t think he should.
He thinks somewhere in the recesses of his mind he’s known all along. He’s just been waiting.
The Conversation was never working on his timetable, it was always about Clark. Always has been, and Lex just has to touch Clark. He feels like he’s been waiting forever.
Hands on Clark’s face, in his hair. Of course only an alien would have hair that soft. Of course. And Lex is going to get this right. He’s never wanted to get anything right so badly in his entire life.
So he waits, and he lets Clark come to him. Lets Clark take the lead and cup the back of his head, and just *pull* him in. Like a magnet. Like a million G’s of force when a spaceship takes off or when it crashes through the atmosphere.
Sweet breath, sweeter mouth and it’s just the most *human* kiss Lex has ever had.
Wet tongue and girlishly soft mouth and *God* Clark is good at this. Stroking his scalp and thrusting his tongue into Lex’s mouth. Clark with his starbright eyes that are staring right into Lex’s brain with that fucking *x-ray* vision. Clark is probably studying Lex’s brain and Lex doesn’t care, doesn’t think it’s strange. He can let Clark see it all. Just this once. He can let Clark be as alien, as human as he wants to be. As he needs to be.
It’s not what Lex has expected, but he’s adaptable.
-finish-
**now this is REALLY the end you know***
~ * ~
It’s a lot bigger than Lex was expecting. Of course, Lex wasn’t sure what to expect but wow. It’s definitely a spaceship. *Clark’s* spaceship because Clark is an alien. Fuck. Clark is *his* alien. Clark is Lex’s gay alien farmboy *something* and this could only happen in Kansas. Things like this never happened to Lex in New Haven or Gotham.
Lex may never leave Smallville again.
“So.”
“So.”
“This is your spaceship.”
“Yeah.”
Oh god, Lex has never said so little and had it mean so much. He’s always prided himself on the power of his understatements but there’s really not much to say to this because it’s a *spaceship.*
A fucking spaceship that brought Clark to Earth. It brought Clark to *Lex.* Oh, this has got to be the best thing *ever,* and Lex has this overwhelming urge to touch it.
To touch Clark.
To touch everything his alien has touched. Clark is Lex’s *alien.* Lex has to protect him. Fuck yes.
“So.”
“So.”
“So how do you turn it on?”
“Turn it *on?*”
And Lex has to grin because Clark just looks so young, so innocent. So…so.
Damage control time.
“Clark, you know that this doesn’t change anything.” Liar. Jonathan Kent probably could do better and Lex’s shudder has nothing to do with this whole experience.
“Okay, it changes some things but you know you’re the most human alien I know, you know this, right”
“Lex, I’m the only alien you know.”
“No, there was Mrs. Proctor in seventh grade, she was definitely not from anyplace on *this* planet.”
“Lex.” Okay, not the time for humor, Lex can see that.
“I mean that this doesn’t change how…” How Lex feels about Clark. Fuck. He’s getting emotional.
Goddamn fucking emotions.
“It doesn’t change what, Lex?”
“Doesn’t – doesn’t change *you.*” Oh god, he needs to touch Clark because this is so surreal and Dali would’ve tripped on this like LSD. Lex is never going to need another drug in his *life.*
He has to keel down because there go he poor knees again, and he’s in the dirt. Next to Clark’s ship. Oh fuck.
It’s so *real.*
God only knows what’s showing on Lex’s face: wonder, horror, complete and utter euphoria.
Fuck yes, and Clark has to get this, see this. See how Lex feels about it and Clark’s eyes are so big. So bright and the ship is so shiny. So metallic that Lex has to touch it, run his fingers all over this foreign object. It’s so smooth, so much like Clark.
And Clark is kneeling beside him, following Lex’s eyes, following his hands. God, Clark’s hands are enormous, and thank God it’s dark in the storm cellar because Lex is so hard it’s probably a bit scary; and Lex doesn’t want to scare his alien. Doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize this. Them.
Oh, has he got phone calls to make in the morning. After their date.
*His* date with *his* alien. Oh, this is too fucking funny, only Lex’s laugh escapes as something guttural, something painful, and Clark looks worried and. Oh. The hands are *back.* Clark’s hands are on top of Lex’s and they slide together all over the surface of the ship.
Touching. Feeling. This is quite possibly the most tactile experience of Lex’s life.
“It’s amazing, Clark.”
“Yeah,” only Clark doesn’t sound amazed. He doesn’t sounds as happy, as thrilled as Lex is, and oh.
“Clark, it’s not the ship, you know.”
“It’s not the ship what?”
“Not the ship that. The ship isn’t who you are. It’s not your destiny.”
No. Because *Lex* is Clark’s destiny.
“I – Lex, there are all these things,” pause, “Things that I can do and – and I’m not like everybody else.”
Lex has always liked that particular Kinks’ song, and well, yeah.
“Like what, Clark?”
“Like I’m strong. Really strong.”
Wry grin, “so I’ve gathered.”
“And I’m fast, and I can – I can see through stuff.”
Stuff. Stuff? God, Lex has so many questions he wants to ask, but somehow he knows it’s not the right time. They’ll have plenty of time – later. Only.
“And you’re pretty invincible. Right, Clark?” and Lex can hear Clark swallow.
“Yeah.”
“So I *did* hit you on the bridge.” Not a question, now it’s statement, and Clark’s hands are still resting on top of Lex’s; but Lex can *feel* Clark mentally fidgeting. Worrying.
“Yeah.”
Well, that’s that. The Truth. This is some conversation they’re having, and to think that Lex had it all planned out. Oh well. Lex the Adaptable can go with this. He can see all the pieces slotting into position. Only. All those *lies.*
And Lex knows that he shouldn’t hold them against Clark. That he shouldn’t feel *angry.* Only – only Lex is human and it *hurts.* It burns and Clark can tell. Lex can tell by the way Clark’s hands tighten over his. Not resting but holding and then releasing.
Clark is letting Lex go, if that’s what Lex wants. Only Lex has no intention of going anywhere.
“It’s okay you know,” because even if it isn’t, it will be. Someday.
“Lex, I’m so sorry I lied. I’m so sorry, I – I wanted to tell you but…”
Clark didn’t know
“I didn’t *know.*”
And that’s, that’s okay. Lex will get over it; Lex *has* to get over it or it will prevent him from going anywhere. It will prevent *them* from going anywhere, and he knows this. Lex knows that Clark knows this.
“Is that why you told me? Because you didn’t know? Because you *wanted* to know – wanted to find out?”
Slight nod, and God, Lex is feeling way too much right now. So emotional, and he can’t fucking help it because Clark believes. He believes in *Lex*. And Lex doesn’t want to fight it, doesn’t think he should.
He thinks somewhere in the recesses of his mind he’s known all along. He’s just been waiting.
The Conversation was never working on his timetable, it was always about Clark. Always has been, and Lex just has to touch Clark. He feels like he’s been waiting forever.
Hands on Clark’s face, in his hair. Of course only an alien would have hair that soft. Of course. And Lex is going to get this right. He’s never wanted to get anything right so badly in his entire life.
So he waits, and he lets Clark come to him. Lets Clark take the lead and cup the back of his head, and just *pull* him in. Like a magnet. Like a million G’s of force when a spaceship takes off or when it crashes through the atmosphere.
Sweet breath, sweeter mouth and it’s just the most *human* kiss Lex has ever had.
Wet tongue and girlishly soft mouth and *God* Clark is good at this. Stroking his scalp and thrusting his tongue into Lex’s mouth. Clark with his starbright eyes that are staring right into Lex’s brain with that fucking *x-ray* vision. Clark is probably studying Lex’s brain and Lex doesn’t care, doesn’t think it’s strange. He can let Clark see it all. Just this once. He can let Clark be as alien, as human as he wants to be. As he needs to be.
It’s not what Lex has expected, but he’s adaptable.
-finish-
**now this is REALLY the end you know***
