Define 'happy'?
Apr. 14th, 2003 10:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveFirst of all, GIP. Big, old shout-outs to my girl Lar, cos *look* it’s RYAN! ‘Rock, the FUCK on.’ Oh, big old wordy McWord. I heart Ryan.
Second, it’s![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bexless‘s birthday.
Happy Birthday, Bex! These are for you.
Lex/Eminem
Unhappy Birthday to You
Marshall kept his Oscar in the bathroom.
This discovery didn’t surprise Lex as much as it should have. There was a part of him that was a bit surprised that it wasn’t kept someplace more appropriate like a trophy case, or next to Marshall’s bed. But this was Marshall, so in all truthfulness Lex was a bit more surprised when he picked the Oscar up and there was no trick bottom storing Class A drugs.
He walked back out the bathroom, Oscar in hand, without doing whatever he had meant to do. Lex never got sidetracked, however, Marshall defied all logic of ‘never’.
He met up with his host in the kitchen where Marshall was committing several cardinal sins regarding food stuffs and dietary guidelines. “You keep your Oscar in the bathroom.” Lex plunked the gold statuette down between a tub of Cool-Whip and a container of Kool-Aid.
“It’s wired, don’t even try and lift it, bitch.”
Marshall talked around a mouthful of peanut butter and something that smelled like bananas, which made Lex’s stomach roll in sympathy.
“Don’t you think you could put it someplace a bit more appropriate?” Lex suggested, casting his eyes away from Marshall’s bulging jaws and the milk mustache he appeared oblivious to. “Perhaps a case of some kind or…”
The sandwich made a ‘plopping’ sound when Marshall smacked it down on the countertop, and all Lex could think of was the appalling hygiene that was being displayed. “Motherfucker, you in my city for a meeting. Don’t come to fucking see me except to use my bathroom, and now you gonna talk trash? Fuck that, get out!“
The kitchen had excellent acoustics, as Lex discovered when Marshall’s voice went dangerously close to a howl. Yes, Lex had definitely thought ‘howl’ because Marshall didn’t scream like a bitch.
It was worse than he had suspected if he was even thinking like Marshall at this point.
Lex brushed the projected bits of bread off his nose, and considered the irate rapper before him. Obviously this was not one of Marshall’s better days. Making a great show of looking for his car keys, Lex glanced at Marshall who had gone back to his sandwich, alternating between washing it down with Kool-Aid and milk. “You're planning on kicking me out before I give you your present? That doesn't seem very smart to me. Don't you pride yourself on your--”
“What present? What the fuck you buyin' me presents for?” Lex stepped back six inches to avoid further projectile crumbs.
Lex winced as Marshall wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but today is your birthday, isn’t it?” Lex said this more as a formality than seeking actual confirmation.
“Mother. Fucker.” Marshall threw the rest of the sandwich in the vicinity of the sink, and belatedly picked up a napkin, which he used to wipe his hands and his mouth. “How the fuck did you know that? Did they announce this shit on TRL? Can't even take a shit anymore without people wanting to watch!”
Lex studiously chose to ignore the diatribe he could feel brewing. “I don’t actually watch TRL so I couldn’t say, but considering that this is the day that Eminem was born, I wouldn’t be surprised. I received my news the old fashioned way, through my assistant.”
The smirk was twitching in the corner of Lex's mouth, but he bit down hard at the expression on Marshall’s face.
Obviously his birthdays were a bit too much like some that Lex had spent.
“Let’s keep this shit straight,” Marshall said, balling up the napkin in his hand before changing midstream and beginning to shred it. “Today is Marshall’s birthday. Today ain’t Em’s birthday. Em was born in December; right around Christmas when Kim kicked me out cos I couldn’t get diapers for Hailie. This is not Em’s fucking birthday. This is Marshall fucking Mathers’ birthday, and the only celebrating happenin' will be at the studio with some weed and some forties and maybe D12. So --”
The napkin was confetti by the time Lex managed to cut Marshall off. “Would you prefer for me to come back in December? I‘m sure the present will keep until then.”
“Motherfucker, I know you ain’t trying to take my present away. What‘d you get me anyway?” For the first time since Marshall had opened up the front door, he seemed more like himself. He’d sounded lethargic when Lex had buzzed from the gate, and he’d looked even more stressed when he opened the door. No offers of illicit drugs, no bitching about his ex, not even a new picture of his little girl shoved in Lex’s face.
Maybe this would change his tune. Pulling the brown paper bag out his coat pocket, Lex handed it over wordlessly.
“You cheap ass, bitch, can’t even wrap my fucking present.” Marshall’s voice died off when he opened the bag and considered the contents.
“What the fuck is this? Does this open Fort Knox? How about one of them phat rides your ass be drivin’? You buy me a house? I ain’t gonna be your kept bitch, so don't even front like I was from Kansas.”
Lex laughed at the thought alone: Marshall holed up in the penthouse and shooting holes in the ceiling. Marshall hosting teas for society matrons, or dressed in a three-button Brioni at the Annual Metropolis AIDS gala. “No, sadly nothing quite so practical. It’s a key to the castle.”
The resulting silence spoke volumes.
Lex looked on as Marshall turned the key over in his hands again and again. “Marshall Mathers at a loss for words. I should call the Guinness people.”
After several seconds he looked back at Lex, disbelief etched everywhere. “Lex, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”
“Use it. I’m tired of you scaring off security.”
“Yeah, but…” Lex watched as Marshall kept staring at the key as though it would disappear, or fly away, or perhaps bite him. Eventually, he lifted his head and stared at Lex hard, as if waiting for the other proverbial shoe. Well, if that’s what he was looking for:
“Don’t lose it. Don’t copy it. Do not give it to Proof. Or Obie. Or Andre. Or Calvin. Or…” Lex could have gone on forever, but he couldn’t actually remember all of Marshall’s entourage, and he really did have a meeting in the city.
“I hear you, stop bitching. Shit. ‘Sides you know I won’t, but shit." Marshall didn’t smile as much as he just nodded his head in satisfaction.
“Whatever it is I’m sure I don’t want to hear it.” Lex jangled the car keys in his pocket and inclined his head towards the front door. “Come by when you’re done with your birthday celebrations. I‘ll be expecting you some time next week. You can test drive these green pills that fell into my lap last week.”
“Yeah, all right.”
“Good. And Marshall, happy birthday.“
-finis-
Smallville
Justification
Every thing happens for a reason
Victoria happened for a reason.
She proved to Clark that Lex was straight.
She proved to Clark that Lex did indeed have a life before Smallville.
Not that Clark hadn’t seen and read and heard all about Lex’s life before, but it was one thing to read about it and something else entirely to watch it swaggering and giggling all over the mansion as though it had a right to be there.
Victoria had no right to be in Smallville.
Victoria had to right to come between Clark and Lex. She tried though. And then she failed.
But she entirely justified her existence in that instant.
Victoria did happen for a reason, and Clark should thank her for this.
Maybe one day he will.
*
Desiree and Helen happened for a reason.
They proved to Clark that Lex could commit. That he could fall in love.
They proved that Lex could be devoted and loyal, not that this was ever in doubt, but it was good to know all the same.
It was good to see what it was like to be loved by Lex.
It was good for Clark to see what he was missing. What he should be working for. What he was working for.
Desiree and Helen proved to Clark that he didn’t have to be human to suffer from human ailments like jealousy.
Yes, they had their reasons too.
*
Chloe and Lana happened for a reason.
So did Diane and Tracey and Jasmine and Irene.
They proved that Clark was bi, not gay.
Unless Lex wanted him to be, and then that was okay.
*
Superman happened for a reason.
He happened because Clark wanted to do something with his life. Because he wanted to protect those he loved.
Superman happened because Clark Kent had secrets and he wanted to share them with the man he loved, but he couldn’t quite figure out how.
Superman taught Clark about power and strength. He taught Clark about fighting for what he believed in.
Superman believed in people. Clark believed in Lex.
Lex was Clark’s reason.
He justified everything.
-fin-
Third, Wendi, I am going to do some Warrior Angel this week. Hopefully, baring blood. *crosses toes*
Second, it’s
bexless‘s birthday. Happy Birthday, Bex! These are for you.
Lex/Eminem
Unhappy Birthday to You
Marshall kept his Oscar in the bathroom.
This discovery didn’t surprise Lex as much as it should have. There was a part of him that was a bit surprised that it wasn’t kept someplace more appropriate like a trophy case, or next to Marshall’s bed. But this was Marshall, so in all truthfulness Lex was a bit more surprised when he picked the Oscar up and there was no trick bottom storing Class A drugs.
He walked back out the bathroom, Oscar in hand, without doing whatever he had meant to do. Lex never got sidetracked, however, Marshall defied all logic of ‘never’.
He met up with his host in the kitchen where Marshall was committing several cardinal sins regarding food stuffs and dietary guidelines. “You keep your Oscar in the bathroom.” Lex plunked the gold statuette down between a tub of Cool-Whip and a container of Kool-Aid.
“It’s wired, don’t even try and lift it, bitch.”
Marshall talked around a mouthful of peanut butter and something that smelled like bananas, which made Lex’s stomach roll in sympathy.
“Don’t you think you could put it someplace a bit more appropriate?” Lex suggested, casting his eyes away from Marshall’s bulging jaws and the milk mustache he appeared oblivious to. “Perhaps a case of some kind or…”
The sandwich made a ‘plopping’ sound when Marshall smacked it down on the countertop, and all Lex could think of was the appalling hygiene that was being displayed. “Motherfucker, you in my city for a meeting. Don’t come to fucking see me except to use my bathroom, and now you gonna talk trash? Fuck that, get out!“
The kitchen had excellent acoustics, as Lex discovered when Marshall’s voice went dangerously close to a howl. Yes, Lex had definitely thought ‘howl’ because Marshall didn’t scream like a bitch.
It was worse than he had suspected if he was even thinking like Marshall at this point.
Lex brushed the projected bits of bread off his nose, and considered the irate rapper before him. Obviously this was not one of Marshall’s better days. Making a great show of looking for his car keys, Lex glanced at Marshall who had gone back to his sandwich, alternating between washing it down with Kool-Aid and milk. “You're planning on kicking me out before I give you your present? That doesn't seem very smart to me. Don't you pride yourself on your--”
“What present? What the fuck you buyin' me presents for?” Lex stepped back six inches to avoid further projectile crumbs.
Lex winced as Marshall wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but today is your birthday, isn’t it?” Lex said this more as a formality than seeking actual confirmation.
“Mother. Fucker.” Marshall threw the rest of the sandwich in the vicinity of the sink, and belatedly picked up a napkin, which he used to wipe his hands and his mouth. “How the fuck did you know that? Did they announce this shit on TRL? Can't even take a shit anymore without people wanting to watch!”
Lex studiously chose to ignore the diatribe he could feel brewing. “I don’t actually watch TRL so I couldn’t say, but considering that this is the day that Eminem was born, I wouldn’t be surprised. I received my news the old fashioned way, through my assistant.”
The smirk was twitching in the corner of Lex's mouth, but he bit down hard at the expression on Marshall’s face.
Obviously his birthdays were a bit too much like some that Lex had spent.
“Let’s keep this shit straight,” Marshall said, balling up the napkin in his hand before changing midstream and beginning to shred it. “Today is Marshall’s birthday. Today ain’t Em’s birthday. Em was born in December; right around Christmas when Kim kicked me out cos I couldn’t get diapers for Hailie. This is not Em’s fucking birthday. This is Marshall fucking Mathers’ birthday, and the only celebrating happenin' will be at the studio with some weed and some forties and maybe D12. So --”
The napkin was confetti by the time Lex managed to cut Marshall off. “Would you prefer for me to come back in December? I‘m sure the present will keep until then.”
“Motherfucker, I know you ain’t trying to take my present away. What‘d you get me anyway?” For the first time since Marshall had opened up the front door, he seemed more like himself. He’d sounded lethargic when Lex had buzzed from the gate, and he’d looked even more stressed when he opened the door. No offers of illicit drugs, no bitching about his ex, not even a new picture of his little girl shoved in Lex’s face.
Maybe this would change his tune. Pulling the brown paper bag out his coat pocket, Lex handed it over wordlessly.
“You cheap ass, bitch, can’t even wrap my fucking present.” Marshall’s voice died off when he opened the bag and considered the contents.
“What the fuck is this? Does this open Fort Knox? How about one of them phat rides your ass be drivin’? You buy me a house? I ain’t gonna be your kept bitch, so don't even front like I was from Kansas.”
Lex laughed at the thought alone: Marshall holed up in the penthouse and shooting holes in the ceiling. Marshall hosting teas for society matrons, or dressed in a three-button Brioni at the Annual Metropolis AIDS gala. “No, sadly nothing quite so practical. It’s a key to the castle.”
The resulting silence spoke volumes.
Lex looked on as Marshall turned the key over in his hands again and again. “Marshall Mathers at a loss for words. I should call the Guinness people.”
After several seconds he looked back at Lex, disbelief etched everywhere. “Lex, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”
“Use it. I’m tired of you scaring off security.”
“Yeah, but…” Lex watched as Marshall kept staring at the key as though it would disappear, or fly away, or perhaps bite him. Eventually, he lifted his head and stared at Lex hard, as if waiting for the other proverbial shoe. Well, if that’s what he was looking for:
“Don’t lose it. Don’t copy it. Do not give it to Proof. Or Obie. Or Andre. Or Calvin. Or…” Lex could have gone on forever, but he couldn’t actually remember all of Marshall’s entourage, and he really did have a meeting in the city.
“I hear you, stop bitching. Shit. ‘Sides you know I won’t, but shit." Marshall didn’t smile as much as he just nodded his head in satisfaction.
“Whatever it is I’m sure I don’t want to hear it.” Lex jangled the car keys in his pocket and inclined his head towards the front door. “Come by when you’re done with your birthday celebrations. I‘ll be expecting you some time next week. You can test drive these green pills that fell into my lap last week.”
“Yeah, all right.”
“Good. And Marshall, happy birthday.“
-finis-
Smallville
Justification
Every thing happens for a reason
Victoria happened for a reason.
She proved to Clark that Lex was straight.
She proved to Clark that Lex did indeed have a life before Smallville.
Not that Clark hadn’t seen and read and heard all about Lex’s life before, but it was one thing to read about it and something else entirely to watch it swaggering and giggling all over the mansion as though it had a right to be there.
Victoria had no right to be in Smallville.
Victoria had to right to come between Clark and Lex. She tried though. And then she failed.
But she entirely justified her existence in that instant.
Victoria did happen for a reason, and Clark should thank her for this.
Maybe one day he will.
*
Desiree and Helen happened for a reason.
They proved to Clark that Lex could commit. That he could fall in love.
They proved that Lex could be devoted and loyal, not that this was ever in doubt, but it was good to know all the same.
It was good to see what it was like to be loved by Lex.
It was good for Clark to see what he was missing. What he should be working for. What he was working for.
Desiree and Helen proved to Clark that he didn’t have to be human to suffer from human ailments like jealousy.
Yes, they had their reasons too.
*
Chloe and Lana happened for a reason.
So did Diane and Tracey and Jasmine and Irene.
They proved that Clark was bi, not gay.
Unless Lex wanted him to be, and then that was okay.
*
Superman happened for a reason.
He happened because Clark wanted to do something with his life. Because he wanted to protect those he loved.
Superman happened because Clark Kent had secrets and he wanted to share them with the man he loved, but he couldn’t quite figure out how.
Superman taught Clark about power and strength. He taught Clark about fighting for what he believed in.
Superman believed in people. Clark believed in Lex.
Lex was Clark’s reason.
He justified everything.
-fin-
Third, Wendi, I am going to do some Warrior Angel this week. Hopefully, baring blood. *crosses toes*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 12:31 pm (UTC)The thought of Lex ticking off the names of Em's entourage will have me laughing for the next few hours. Actually, all of the Lex/Em coversations are comedy gold!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:54 am (UTC)The thought of Lex ticking off the names of Em's entourage will have me laughing for the next few hours. Actually, all of the Lex/Em coversations are comedy gold!
They really are the perfect foils for each other, and I owe it all it
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 12:40 pm (UTC)And WA fic by week's end? Yay!! Excellent news on a rainy day!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 09:55 am (UTC)And WA fic by week's end? Yay!! Excellent news on a rainy day!
I'm hoping on the WA fic, the week is appearing more odd by the second. On the upswing, I hope CA is treating you well *smiles*
Hoo, Lordy.
Date: 2003-04-14 02:50 pm (UTC)Ok, bear with me. You know Anne of Green Gables? Well, i was a romantic red-haired child and I loved everything written by LM Montgomery, to the extent that it sticks with me today even when I wish it would just eff off. LM herself wrote other series, which you may or may not know. One was a triad of books about a girl called Emily (brown hair, thus less identifying going on, thank god) who is a 13 year old poetess of the high-strung variety. She has a wise old curmudgeonly teacher - you know the type - who agrees to read her work. He mocks all her purple prose soundly, with much justification, until he finds a series of unkind sketches she wrote about her neighbours. These, he announces, are literature.
I had the strangest sense of empathy with old Mr. Carpenter when I read your Marshall/Lex piece above.
I've read some amazingly in-depth and profound examinations of the character of Lex Luthor over the past year. I've seen him evil, dying, lovelorn, horny, scheming, and, lately, putting nappies on various darling children. But 'Unhappy Birthday To You' IS Lex. And it makes me laugh. And think wry thoughts. And write obnoxiously long incomprehensible comments on your journal. It's THAT good :)
Re: Hoo, Lordy.
Date: 2003-04-15 09:59 am (UTC)*laughs*
Wow, I'm glad you liked it so much. I wish I could take even a smidgen of credit for this, but in truth, I'm just pilfering from the originators (
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 10:01 am (UTC)That's my sentiment as well. It really shouldn't work, and yet... I guess that axiom about opposites attracting is truer than I suspected.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 08:39 pm (UTC)You did say that, right? I didn't fall down and hallucinate it, right? Because, um, I would stalk for that.
Oh, yes, yes I would ...
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 10:03 am (UTC)You did say that, right? I didn't fall down and hallucinate it, right? Because, um, I would stalk for that.
Oh, yes, yes I would ...
*laughs*
Theoretically, I'd like to create the WA verse that I laid out in 'Comic Books Make You Gay...' but I've yet to actually try and write [pauses mid-sentence]. Okay. I have a hook. I can do this. Hopefully.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 09:21 pm (UTC)And this justifies my adoration for your stories. *g*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 10:04 am (UTC)And this justifies my adoration for your stories. *g*
The feeling is mutual.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 01:27 am (UTC)Zahra, I was already your bitch, but now I believe I am also your slave. Peeled grape?
I have long maintained that your Lex-voice is the best I've ever read, and you have provided me with yet more evidence to support my cause, here. The Lex/Em dialogue is so funny, and rings so very true but then you drop something like this into the middle of it:
“No, sadly nothing quite so practical. It’s a key to the castle.”
The resulting silence spoke volumes.
Lex looked on as Marshall turned the key over in his hands again and again. “Marshall Mathers at a loss for words. I should call the Guinness people.”
After several seconds he looked back at Lex, disbelief etched everywhere. “Lex, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”
“Use it. I’m tired of you scaring off security.”
Which you know, just adds that little punch of something more into it, and reduces me to a big pile of mushy goo. Bless them and their emotional problems! Woo!
And just when I've forgotten who Clark is, never mind why I ever wanted him to touch Marshall's Lex, you swing right into Justification which sends my Clex-lurve rocketing back through the roof.
I can't pick a best line, but the last paragraph is the one that had me squealing into my Earl Grey.
What gorgeous gifties to find on my friends list, Z. *hugs* You're the absolute best.
*worships*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-15 10:09 am (UTC)Isn't that part of their great allure? That they can be dysfunctional together, and not have to attempt to be *normal*. What's all this fuss about being normal anyway, doesn't seem like any fun to me.
And just when I've forgotten who Clark is, never mind why I ever wanted him to touch Marshall's Lex, you swing right into Justification which sends my Clex-lurve rocketing back through the roof.
I can't pick a best line, but the last paragraph is the one that had me squealing into my Earl Grey.
I know, so little Lex to spread around so many people trying to get a piece. Including me! I'm just saying. I wrote 'Justification' with that last paragraph in mind because I know all about your Supes love. *grins*
I hope you had a great birthday, sweetie.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-16 01:39 am (UTC)i'll have your babies. i just want you to know that.
i should probably get some sleep...
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 03:13 pm (UTC)I liked the simplicity in this. Great flow.
Um, I actually came over to see how you were and got seduced away by the fic. Some how I think you won't hold it against me *bg*.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 08:05 am (UTC)was it really em's bday? Did I miss that? I can't even remember the birthdays of people i know. shit, bitch.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 09:06 am (UTC)was it really em's bday? Did I miss that? I can't even remember the birthdays of people i know. shit, bitch.
Dude, don't even start. Notice how I didn't mention this to you, b/c of the questionable 'nice' behaviour happening here? I dunno when Em's birthday is, like you I don't even know the birthdays of the people in my life. Also, check out the icon. That was me this weekend.