30 Minutes – HP/DM & HP/NL
Jul. 21st, 2003 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archive“Just cause you feel it doesn’t mean it’s there.”
-Radiohead ‘There There’
Harry Potter
Solipsism
Harry Potter thinks he exists.
From the soles of his ratty trainers to the split-ends of his black hair: he is real.
There are scars on his knees and dirt under his fingernails that only washes out in the bath. Harry does not tend to wash his hands before dinner. He can’t really be arsed to bother.
He doesn’t see the point.
Harry Potter sweats when he exerts himself, and bleeds when he is cut. The blood is not blue. His scars do not magically heal and disappear. They are always there.
Harry breathes shallowly when he’s excited, and he narrows his eyes when he disapproves of the things that happen in his life. Harry’s disapproval stems from his semblance of right and wrong, but every day those definitions are stretched and tested a little more.
The gray area grows fractionally until it’s more of a whole than a fraction.
Harry sees and feels. His heart beats fast and slow. It does not break because hearts are not breakable. Instead it aches. Instead Harry aches, and he exists, because that is what he’s supposed to do.
Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
::
Draco Malfoy does not exist.
There are no glittering gray eyes and impossibly slick hair to turn away from in the corridors. There are no white-gold curls that Harry delights in yanking on in deserted classrooms and no sharp teeth that leave marks on the inside of Harry’s thighs.
Malfoy does not insist on being on top. Harry does not insist in being on top either. They do not fight over this. They do not fight over anything.
There is no Malfoy and Potter association.
There are no fathers in Azkaban and whispered death threats in the middle of Potions.
At night Harry does not dream about Malfoy, and during the day he does not assault him in front of the entire school. There are no blatant attempts at mid-air murder on the Quidditch pitch.
Harry does not need Malfoy.
Harry is not in denial.
There is nothing to deny, because nothing exists.
::
Neville Longbottom exists.
From the tip of his freckled nose to head of his slightly curving cock, Neville is real. Very real.
He is good and clumsy and warm and all the things that Harry thinks he is not. The soft kisses Neville places on his jaw make Harry question his reality:
the prophecy could have gone either way.
Neville gasps when Harry pushes inside him, and his eyes grow damp with every thrust that Harry makes. He is beautiful to Harry, and so real.
Neville has crumbs of buttered toast in the corners of his mouth, and grass stains on his robes. At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
::
It’s taken seventeen years for Harry to be sure of nothing at all, but soon enough the war will come and all these trivialities of the heart won't matter.
With any hope they'll cease to exist at all.
-finis-
Notes:
Solipsism:
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.
Until I find someone else I approve of I consider Ciaran McMenamin – Jez in a ‘A Young Person’s Guide’ to you people in the UK – and the elder David Copperfield to everyone else, to be Neville. The whole Irish thing doesn’t hurt either. Yes, I know Neville’s not Irish in the film or the book, but I'm not trying to cast for Seamus, damnit!
-Radiohead ‘There There’
Harry Potter
Solipsism
Harry Potter thinks he exists.
From the soles of his ratty trainers to the split-ends of his black hair: he is real.
There are scars on his knees and dirt under his fingernails that only washes out in the bath. Harry does not tend to wash his hands before dinner. He can’t really be arsed to bother.
He doesn’t see the point.
Harry Potter sweats when he exerts himself, and bleeds when he is cut. The blood is not blue. His scars do not magically heal and disappear. They are always there.
Harry breathes shallowly when he’s excited, and he narrows his eyes when he disapproves of the things that happen in his life. Harry’s disapproval stems from his semblance of right and wrong, but every day those definitions are stretched and tested a little more.
The gray area grows fractionally until it’s more of a whole than a fraction.
Harry sees and feels. His heart beats fast and slow. It does not break because hearts are not breakable. Instead it aches. Instead Harry aches, and he exists, because that is what he’s supposed to do.
Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
::
Draco Malfoy does not exist.
There are no glittering gray eyes and impossibly slick hair to turn away from in the corridors. There are no white-gold curls that Harry delights in yanking on in deserted classrooms and no sharp teeth that leave marks on the inside of Harry’s thighs.
Malfoy does not insist on being on top. Harry does not insist in being on top either. They do not fight over this. They do not fight over anything.
There is no Malfoy and Potter association.
There are no fathers in Azkaban and whispered death threats in the middle of Potions.
At night Harry does not dream about Malfoy, and during the day he does not assault him in front of the entire school. There are no blatant attempts at mid-air murder on the Quidditch pitch.
Harry does not need Malfoy.
Harry is not in denial.
There is nothing to deny, because nothing exists.
::
Neville Longbottom exists.
From the tip of his freckled nose to head of his slightly curving cock, Neville is real. Very real.
He is good and clumsy and warm and all the things that Harry thinks he is not. The soft kisses Neville places on his jaw make Harry question his reality:
Neville gasps when Harry pushes inside him, and his eyes grow damp with every thrust that Harry makes. He is beautiful to Harry, and so real.
Neville has crumbs of buttered toast in the corners of his mouth, and grass stains on his robes. At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
::
It’s taken seventeen years for Harry to be sure of nothing at all, but soon enough the war will come and all these trivialities of the heart won't matter.
With any hope they'll cease to exist at all.
-finis-
Notes:
Solipsism:
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.
Until I find someone else I approve of I consider Ciaran McMenamin – Jez in a ‘A Young Person’s Guide’ to you people in the UK – and the elder David Copperfield to everyone else, to be Neville. The whole Irish thing doesn’t hurt either. Yes, I know Neville’s not Irish in the film or the book, but I'm not trying to cast for Seamus, damnit!
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 04:50 pm (UTC)Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
Lovely. Plus, I added a new word to my vocabulary. *g*
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 05:29 pm (UTC)Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
Lovely. Plus, I added a new word to my vocabulary. *g*
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, thank you!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 04:57 pm (UTC)I have to admit, I actually looked the title up once I got to the second section because I apparently have a sad, sad vocabulary and it didn't occur to me that you'd have it at the bottom. And then I understood, at least, what the
storydrabble was about. Story? Whatever. I love your characterization of Harry and Neville--especially Neville. He rocks. I'm a little confused on what exactly Harry's trying to prove to himself in the second bit--does he or doesn't he want Malfoy? *has had a long, long day and has meger intelligence to begin with* That aside, I loved it anyway. Thanks for posting it for the masses to read and devour.no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 05:10 pm (UTC)The reason I made it is because I really liked this story. More people need to write about Neville, especially as well as this.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 06:26 pm (UTC)well. of course.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:12 pm (UTC)Sometimes I just can't do the happy thing.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 11:22 pm (UTC)me neither, love.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 06:47 pm (UTC)Our Harry, he's definitely not a Descartes man, is he?
So I actually read this twice. The first time I read it, I said, "huh. interesting." Then I had to read the definition, read it again, and I went, "Oh! Brilliant!" And really very sad. Poor Harry.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:17 pm (UTC)Our Harry, he's definitely not a Descartes man, is he?
So I actually read this twice. The first time I read it, I said, "huh. interesting." Then I had to read the definition, read it again, and I went, "Oh! Brilliant!" And really very sad. Poor Harry.
Yeah, Harry, he's much more of a Napoleon kinda just 'show up, see what happens, take it from there,' type of thing.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 07:16 pm (UTC)You are -making- me adore Harry/Neville all by yourownself, and I'd never even -considered- it before.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:08 pm (UTC)Harry/Neville: it's the wave of the future. Get on the bandwagon now while there's still room!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 07:22 pm (UTC)I do not know exactly what to think about this. I can see it is quality, but I'm just, augh. OTP issues like whoa. There is a certain level of sweetness in the Harry/Neville bits that I can appreciate (At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.- oh, <3) but at the same time I struggle with the Draco parts. I see what you were trying to do with the juxtaposition but it doesn't feel to me like there's enough to justify either point of view, specifically with Draco. I think the lack of a specific timeframe is throwing me off, because I can't see Harry doing both of them at the same time, but there isn't anything to indicate that he isn't, really (and if it is intended to be at the same time, then it's just a characterization issue, I suppose). Also, the last line seems off, and by off I mean I don't think I quite follow you. Again, could just be me being dense or something. I don't know. *flails*
Ultimately, OTP issues aside, I think you have an interesting idea here. But this feels more like a rather long summary (a movie trailer, like) and while that can (and does) work in some of your other fics, I think the plot here would be better served by something longer.
Argh. I have probably not expressed myself properly, and I was just going to not say anything at all, but I guess I would want to know if someone took issue with my fic, so I am doing as much for you. Tell me if this is not okay, and you'd rather not hear it, or if you'd rather me email, or whatever.
*bites nails*
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 08:40 pm (UTC)There are no white-gold curls that Harry delights in yanking on in deserted classrooms
Mm, Draco with curls is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. If I had my way, they'd all have curls.
Harry is not in denial. There is nothing to deny, because nothing exists.
Hm. So true. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 09:13 am (UTC)Thanks, babe!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 01:17 am (UTC)I adored this, the anger and pain that is H/D and the sweet relationship Harry is starting with Neville. And that: From the tip of his freckled nose to head of his slightly curving cock induced a near spit take.
Thanks for sharing.
Mim
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 09:16 am (UTC)I adored this, the anger and pain that is H/D and the sweet relationship Harry is starting with Neville
I have no idea why I cast Ciaran for Neville, apart from the fact that he's hot and I desperately need an image for my writing. I'm so glad you enjoyed this, thank you for commenting.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 06:33 am (UTC)so beautiful, so detailed. fantastical as ever, doll.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
eee. so amazing.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 09:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-23 03:41 pm (UTC)oh, i miraculously recovered. coolness.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 06:57 am (UTC)My dear Zarah, you are seriously doing a great job of making me a convert towards Harry/Neville.
Unfair. Really. I'm currently drifting between Neville and Draco and I'm getting stretched like taffy.
*is stretched some more*
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 09:21 am (UTC)Harry/Neville: the power couple of the future!
Harry/Neville because two dark lords are better than one!
p.s. This (http://www.livejournal.com/users/zarah5/) is Zarah, I'm Zahra. Trust us, we're not the same person.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-04 11:07 am (UTC)Neville has crumbs of buttered toast in the corners of his mouth, and grass stains on his robes. At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
gah. It's just so sweet and tangible and and just, gah, I don't know what but I know I love it.