30 Minutes – HP/DM & HP/NL
Jul. 21st, 2003 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archive“Just cause you feel it doesn’t mean it’s there.”
-Radiohead ‘There There’
Harry Potter
Solipsism
Harry Potter thinks he exists.
From the soles of his ratty trainers to the split-ends of his black hair: he is real.
There are scars on his knees and dirt under his fingernails that only washes out in the bath. Harry does not tend to wash his hands before dinner. He can’t really be arsed to bother.
He doesn’t see the point.
Harry Potter sweats when he exerts himself, and bleeds when he is cut. The blood is not blue. His scars do not magically heal and disappear. They are always there.
Harry breathes shallowly when he’s excited, and he narrows his eyes when he disapproves of the things that happen in his life. Harry’s disapproval stems from his semblance of right and wrong, but every day those definitions are stretched and tested a little more.
The gray area grows fractionally until it’s more of a whole than a fraction.
Harry sees and feels. His heart beats fast and slow. It does not break because hearts are not breakable. Instead it aches. Instead Harry aches, and he exists, because that is what he’s supposed to do.
Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
::
Draco Malfoy does not exist.
There are no glittering gray eyes and impossibly slick hair to turn away from in the corridors. There are no white-gold curls that Harry delights in yanking on in deserted classrooms and no sharp teeth that leave marks on the inside of Harry’s thighs.
Malfoy does not insist on being on top. Harry does not insist in being on top either. They do not fight over this. They do not fight over anything.
There is no Malfoy and Potter association.
There are no fathers in Azkaban and whispered death threats in the middle of Potions.
At night Harry does not dream about Malfoy, and during the day he does not assault him in front of the entire school. There are no blatant attempts at mid-air murder on the Quidditch pitch.
Harry does not need Malfoy.
Harry is not in denial.
There is nothing to deny, because nothing exists.
::
Neville Longbottom exists.
From the tip of his freckled nose to head of his slightly curving cock, Neville is real. Very real.
He is good and clumsy and warm and all the things that Harry thinks he is not. The soft kisses Neville places on his jaw make Harry question his reality:
the prophecy could have gone either way.
Neville gasps when Harry pushes inside him, and his eyes grow damp with every thrust that Harry makes. He is beautiful to Harry, and so real.
Neville has crumbs of buttered toast in the corners of his mouth, and grass stains on his robes. At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
::
It’s taken seventeen years for Harry to be sure of nothing at all, but soon enough the war will come and all these trivialities of the heart won't matter.
With any hope they'll cease to exist at all.
-finis-
Notes:
Solipsism:
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.
Until I find someone else I approve of I consider Ciaran McMenamin – Jez in a ‘A Young Person’s Guide’ to you people in the UK – and the elder David Copperfield to everyone else, to be Neville. The whole Irish thing doesn’t hurt either. Yes, I know Neville’s not Irish in the film or the book, but I'm not trying to cast for Seamus, damnit!
-Radiohead ‘There There’
Harry Potter
Solipsism
Harry Potter thinks he exists.
From the soles of his ratty trainers to the split-ends of his black hair: he is real.
There are scars on his knees and dirt under his fingernails that only washes out in the bath. Harry does not tend to wash his hands before dinner. He can’t really be arsed to bother.
He doesn’t see the point.
Harry Potter sweats when he exerts himself, and bleeds when he is cut. The blood is not blue. His scars do not magically heal and disappear. They are always there.
Harry breathes shallowly when he’s excited, and he narrows his eyes when he disapproves of the things that happen in his life. Harry’s disapproval stems from his semblance of right and wrong, but every day those definitions are stretched and tested a little more.
The gray area grows fractionally until it’s more of a whole than a fraction.
Harry sees and feels. His heart beats fast and slow. It does not break because hearts are not breakable. Instead it aches. Instead Harry aches, and he exists, because that is what he’s supposed to do.
Harry is almost positive that he is real.
Everything else is debatable.
::
Draco Malfoy does not exist.
There are no glittering gray eyes and impossibly slick hair to turn away from in the corridors. There are no white-gold curls that Harry delights in yanking on in deserted classrooms and no sharp teeth that leave marks on the inside of Harry’s thighs.
Malfoy does not insist on being on top. Harry does not insist in being on top either. They do not fight over this. They do not fight over anything.
There is no Malfoy and Potter association.
There are no fathers in Azkaban and whispered death threats in the middle of Potions.
At night Harry does not dream about Malfoy, and during the day he does not assault him in front of the entire school. There are no blatant attempts at mid-air murder on the Quidditch pitch.
Harry does not need Malfoy.
Harry is not in denial.
There is nothing to deny, because nothing exists.
::
Neville Longbottom exists.
From the tip of his freckled nose to head of his slightly curving cock, Neville is real. Very real.
He is good and clumsy and warm and all the things that Harry thinks he is not. The soft kisses Neville places on his jaw make Harry question his reality:
Neville gasps when Harry pushes inside him, and his eyes grow damp with every thrust that Harry makes. He is beautiful to Harry, and so real.
Neville has crumbs of buttered toast in the corners of his mouth, and grass stains on his robes. At night Neville stays awake to let Harry fall asleep first because he knows how much his snoring bothers Harry; so Harry pretends to sleep.
The snoring doesn’t bother Harry that much anymore. He sees it as a sign of life.
::
It’s taken seventeen years for Harry to be sure of nothing at all, but soon enough the war will come and all these trivialities of the heart won't matter.
With any hope they'll cease to exist at all.
-finis-
Notes:
Solipsism:
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.
Until I find someone else I approve of I consider Ciaran McMenamin – Jez in a ‘A Young Person’s Guide’ to you people in the UK – and the elder David Copperfield to everyone else, to be Neville. The whole Irish thing doesn’t hurt either. Yes, I know Neville’s not Irish in the film or the book, but I'm not trying to cast for Seamus, damnit!
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 10:17 pm (UTC)Our Harry, he's definitely not a Descartes man, is he?
So I actually read this twice. The first time I read it, I said, "huh. interesting." Then I had to read the definition, read it again, and I went, "Oh! Brilliant!" And really very sad. Poor Harry.
Yeah, Harry, he's much more of a Napoleon kinda just 'show up, see what happens, take it from there,' type of thing.