OC -Seth/Ryan – Hope’s Just Another Four Letter Word

[hackthis_archive]

You can't give blood if you've lived in the UK for longer than three months since 1980? WTF! I may *be* a mad cow, but I don't *have* mad cow! Christ.

My LJ is about to undergo a thematic shift, but before Seth and Ryan sail off to Tahiti, I thought I'd give them one last hurrah. For kattiya who actually left a message on my voicemail because she was so moved by our most beloved, and on occasion lampooned and lamented, Seth (and of course we adore Josh, too).

The O.C.
Hope’s Just Another Four-Letter Word




1. I will never follow you / I will never bother you / Never speak a word again /I will crawl away for good

He could've just grabbed onto Ryan's ankles and refused to let him leave. Seth’s got seriously untapped strength reserves hidden somewhere in his body. He drinks his three glasses of milk a day. He eats his green vegetables, well, except for lima beans, because yuck. But he could totally have done that. He totally could’ve channeled his inner six-year-old to keep Ryan from leaving. To keep Ryan with him. To stay with Ryan, period. He wanted to.

He really, really wanted to.

Seth wanted to crawl into Ryan's pockets so badly that his fingers cramped up when he shoved the earpieces for the iPod in his ears. He wanted to sock Ryan in the jaw and break his own hand. He wanted to kiss Ryan and make it better. Seth wanted to chloroform Ryan and keep him in his closet for ever and ever. He wanted – god, Seth wanted so badly he didn’t know what to do. He would’ve sold his soul if he’d thought it would’ve gotten rid of Theresa and kept Ryan where he belonged. With him. With them.

Seth’s stomach flipped over like his catamaran in bad weather when the map of Tahiti landed on his lap. Everything inside him fought to keep from latching onto Ryan and forcing him to stay in Newport. Stay with them. Stay with Seth. Because it's not the same with Summer. It's just not. Summer's not Ryan. No one's Ryan, and Seth needs Ryan like most people need air, and how Seth lived the first sixteen years of his life alone is beyond him now.

Ryan is one of Seth’s vital organs. Seth’s going to die without him, and it’s easier to run away than to sit around and watch the making of his own corpse.



2. Things have never been so swell / And I have never felt so well / Pain... / You know you're right

Seth’s not selfish; he’s just been an only child for the first sixteen years of his life, so he has sharing issues. There is a difference. Plus, he’s being cheated out of his quality Ryan and Seth time, and that’s just not right. Theresa’s already had her time. So has Marissa. It’s his turn. Except it’s not. Apparently now it’s the baby’s turn, and Seth can’t compete with an embryo the size of a pencil eraser. No matter who the father is.



3. I'm so warm and calm inside / I no longer have to hide / Let's talk about someone else

It’s Marissa’s fault. It’s all his dad’s fault. It’s Summer’s fault, and Ryan’s mom’s fault, and the fault of everyone else but him. But them. If his dad had never brought Ryan home, Seth could’ve gone on happily with his heterosexuality. If Marissa had never shown her alcohol-dependent needy side, Seth could’ve had Ryan first. If Ryan had been anybody else, Seth would never have won over Summer. He would never have fallen for Ryan too.

Things could have been so much easier for everyone involved. Seth wouldn’t have had to hide. He wouldn’t have thought about being with Ryan in Berkeley and Tahiti and Paris and every place in between. He wouldn’t have had to jerk off at night while biting his tongue to muffle Ryan’s name on his lips.

It’s much easier to be Zen when there are other people to blame for Seth’s misfortunes.



4. I will move away from here / You won't be afraid of fear

It was one thing to deal with the girlfriends and the other friends, and the knowledge that the earliest they could really be together was college. But Seth doesn’t even have that hope anymore. Because Seth had hope.

He had hope in the too-long stares and the random games of footsie under the dinner table. He had hope in comic books and iPod mixes and video games on the sofa. Seth had enough hope to keep a small third world country afloat, but now, well, hope’s just another four letter word. And there’s just no point in sticking around and getting his head kicked in by the water polo team when there’s no one to come to his rescue.

There’s no point in sticking around to see Ryan play happy families with Theresa, because that’s what will happen. Ryan will go off to play happy families and give the baby all the chances he never had, and Chino is a lot further away from Newport than that one hour drive. It might as well be on the otherside of the world. Maybe when Seth gets to Tahiti Ryan will already be there. Maybe he’ll be with Theresa and their baby.

Maybe no matter where Seth goes he won’t be able to get away from this.

Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life.



5. No thought was put into this / I always knew it'll come to this

He gets seven hours out to sea and away from Newport this time, which is three hours closer than he got the last time his parents tried to take/ send/ make Ryan go away. It’s a good eighty-seven minutes longer than he thought he'd last when the hunger pains set in. It might’ve worked for Kevin Costner to drink his own pee and all that stuff, but that’s so not Seth’s thing, and when Seth gets hungry that's pretty much all there is to it. Except that the more his stomach growls the louder his brain shouts him down.

42 days without a shower is a long time. 42 days on beef jerky and Cap’n Crunch is a longer time. Even the cast of Survivor had rice, and Seth can run and run but eventually he’ll wind up back where he started, because the world is round and that’s how things work.

Seth’s entire life is in Southern California – or what remains of his life. He’s not sure what sort of life he’s going to have now; he doubts it’s going to be worth much without Ryan around, but on some level he’s always known things would come to this. Marissa, Theresa, Ryan’s mom, Oliver, there were always going to be people between them, but giving up now when Ryan needs him the most? What kind of friend is that? Seth’s not going to punk out on Ryan. Not now, not ever, and he’s not going to wish for something to happen to Theresa or the baby, because that’s just wrong. But nine months is a long time, and who knows what can happen in the meantime? Ryan’s only been a Cohen for nine months himself, and there are worse things for Seth to suffer from than ‘hope.’

After all ‘Ryan’ is a four-letter word too.


-end-

* Lyrics provided by Nirvana’s ‘You Know You’re Right.

* For kattiya. And for serialkarma and ethrosdemon (who won't even READ it).

Comments

[niqaeli]

DUDE, IT'S NOT JUST ME WHO IS 'WTF?!', THEN.

I am SO FUCKING BITTER. They're always blithering on about how they need more people to donate and then they have these STUPIDASS RULES. I would have started donating the day I turned 17 EXCEPT THEY DON'T WANT MY BLOOD.

Also, along those lines? The motherfuckers are also homophobic as fuck about gay men. >_

[folk.livejournal.com]

Right! Because those homosexuals, they can't be trusted! We don't want their icky gay blood in our bodies! Eww!

[niqaeli]

As near as I can tell, that's about the 'logic'. Lord knows there is no earth logic there.

Honestly, it angers me a hell of a lot more than the mad cow idiocy. Because the mad cow stuff is just that--idiocy. The other? Fucking bigotry.

(Re: the fic! Zahra, that was great. I love the deal with four-letter words, and hope, and this was painful but glimmering with hope too.)

[perryfinch.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of it is about liability. In the beginning of the epidemic, it was being spread through the blood supply, especially in clotting factor to hemophiliacs. The Red Cross can't afford, really, to take a chance on receiving and distributing HIV-infected blood donations.

But, hmm...now that I'm thinking about it here...maybe it is a bit of homophobia.

[chasethecat.livejournal.com]

In many other countries (I know Australia for sure, and I believe Britain and many European countries), there's a one year wait between having sex with a man (or a man who has had sex with a man, or however it is they word it) and donating blood, instead of the lifetime ban that is currently in place in the US and Canada--there's being careful with liability, etc, and then there's being stupid and prejudiced.

Sorry to rant, it just really pisses me off.

Zahra, about the story: fantastic. I hope they do something like this on the show this fall.

[perryfinch.livejournal.com]

Have they ever determined what the incubation period is for HIV? Used to be that they didn't know.

(I haven't really kept up like I used to on newest information about AIDS and HIV.)

[chasethecat.livejournal.com]

I'm not actually sure, either. I believe that if you don't test positive after 6 months, it's highly unlikely that you're infected, but I may be wrong.

[actingmeg1.livejournal.com]

After Septmeber 11, my donation was denied by the blood bank (in a very small town, mind you) becuase I worked in a costume shop where I had pricked my finger on a needle that a gay man could have pricked his finger on! To ver badly quote Queer as Folk... "And maybe while you're bent over, tying your shoes, he'll shoot his load and it will fly up your ass!"

Anyway, good fanific! I can't believe it's gonna be til October before we find out what happens.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Gawd, you made me cry again! I was already a mess after seeing that episode just today. Love ya, and this, and Seth, because he's such a teenager and they had tears in their eyes! *sighs*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It was so sad! Damn soap opera, baby mama drama!

[suaine.livejournal.com]

I know! Sometimes I thought "Why are you even watching that show, it's soap!" but then I was like "Hell, the characters are the cool!" And Seth! Man!

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

Berkeley! TA shoutout!

Ryan’s only been a Cohen for nine months himself, and there are worse things for Seth to suffer from than ‘hope.’ After all ‘Ryan’ is a four-letter word too.

*mwah*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

TA shoutie! *g* Damn, where's my Jamie icon?

[sundaysunday.livejournal.com]

Probably should have read that after I saw the finale, eh?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

I've heard is helps. Also, you know I am laughing you every time you show your late-to-the-bandwagon Ryan love.

Ryan Adams? Ew. Uh huh.

[sundaysunday.livejournal.com]

Everyone is laughing at me. It's okay.

But man, nobody ever made me listen to the sad stuff! All I ever heard was the raucous stuff that didn't really grab me. It's not my fault!

I BLAME YOU ALL! THE BAD RYAN ADAMS FANS!

Or something.

I dunno.

My foot is delicious.

[lifeinwords.livejournal.com]

I love how earnest and insistent and stubborn this story is, how it spirals in on itself, tighter and tighter. I also love Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life., because it's the kind of stark, true thing that we all think. Sometimes you just know what you're going to remember, what's going to itch at you, twenty years later.


(He also loves...he loves San Dimas. Sorry, had to get that out of my head. Why on earth did I buy Bill and Ted? Of course, now I'm imagining Ryan and Seth watching it, which is totally worth the purchase.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

There are always moments you'll remember for the rest of your life, but you never realize that they've happened until after they're over.

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

mmmmmm. <333333 really. that captures seth's expression perfectly, if that makes sense. (well, it makes sense to me.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I'm glad you enjoyed it then.

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

There is nothing that makes me angrier than the giving blood ban. Nothing. I definitely don't qualify, and I have a rare(r) blood group and really really want to donate.

But I can't.

Mooooo.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Mooo back atcha!

[starbuckle.livejournal.com]

:::::::::clings::::::::::::::

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sending them off (for the summer! just the summer!) in style. If Fox had any sense (biiiig if), they'd rerun the OC before the North Shore. Except that might just highlight how much the North Shore will suck. I'm assuming it's going to suck.

Anyway.

Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life.

God, I know *I* will. Talk about gut-wrenching.

Seth’s not selfish; he’s just been an only child for the first sixteen years of his life, so he has sharing issues.

Heh. Totally.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Fox had any sense (biiiig if), they'd rerun the OC before the North Shore. Except that might just highlight how much the North Shore will suck. I'm assuming it's going to suck.

I totally can't believe they're not re-running that this summer. I mean I know they want to milk the market for when they release the season on DVD, but that just seems like missing the forest for the trees, you know?

[happyminion.livejournal.com]

I love that boy. Mad, mad love.

Thank you for writing this, boo!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I almost did myself grevious harm the last 20 minutes of the show. Ryan was just standing there, hoping that Seth would hug him, and he didn't! I swear he (Ryan) was practically vibrating with The Gay! I have to write about that too. Why don't I have that on tape? Dammit! See, this is why I'll have to own Season 1. Well, for this and the first ten episodes of the season. Things got a little messy there, but Josh, man, he knows how to leave a party. You think he's a distant twice-removed Luthor relation? Did you see them on Punk'd? I miss Dax, dude, I have to say.

[prurient-badger.livejournal.com]

Zen!Seth makes a triumphant return. Ok, so it was a sad return, but it was a return, which is the main thing.

My love for you and Seth is deep like...something really deep. There are no words.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

My love for you and Seth is deep like...something really deep.

That's very Cohen of you, I must say. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Thanks!

[prurient-badger.livejournal.com]

That's very Cohen of you

*bows* Thanks. But clearly, you have no idea of the monster (http://www.livejournal.com/users/prurient_badger/5396.html) you've created with that one simple comment. Oh, you will be sorry ;)

[cosmic.livejournal.com]

*sniff* You made me forgive Seth for his assy, though understandable, behavior in the finale and, y'know, *love* him to bits again. Because No one's Ryan, and Seth needs Ryan like most people need air, and how Seth lived the first sixteen years of his life alone is beyond him now. WAH!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Okay, there were bits were he was assy, but only cos he was hurting. I don't tend to excuse most of Seth's behavior, but this I understand.

[kissingchaos9.livejournal.com]

Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life.

So will I. *sob*

Amazing as always.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Chinosexual.

Dude. That's the funniest shit I've heard all day.

[tanizard.livejournal.com]

Whoa. I don't even get to see the season finale for another couple of months, but this is...whoa. Awesome.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'm sure this will be more relevant then.

[kattiya.livejournal.com]

I love you - LOVE. I like know that my pestering sometimes works! *hee* Now if only I could get you to write H/D again *sighs* Yes, I know it's impossible, but I can dream right?

Wendi and I have been speculating if there's any chance that Seth could come out as bi in S2 - I mean how can Josh et al explain away the utter gayness of the finale? So gay. Seth's coming-out needs to happen. I want this to happen.

FYI I'm still going to Miami, but leaving later because of budget - meaning I'll be here until the 21st maybe (still haven't got plane tickets). Just thought you'd like to know. ;)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I think H/D is pretty much six feet under at this point for me. You should've caught me last time around (about 18 months ago. Christ, I've been doing this entirely too long). What else? Oh, yes Seth = bi. Ryan = girls and Seth.

21st? Check.

[kattiya.livejournal.com]

I think H/D is pretty much six feet under at this point for me. You should've caught me last time around

*sighs* Yes, I know this - I'm always late to the party. Any chance that you'll write Draco again then? Or Dark!Harry? Or anything HP? (Ye gods look at me being demanding. I should just be happy that you wrote OC fic after the long draught.)

What's going to be the new theme of your LJ anyway?

Debating whether I want to do opening day of Troy - your plans? (Almost thinking I should wait since every person I know who's seen it seems more preoccupied with the pretty - not that that's a bad thing - than the film itself. Um, ok there's hot boys - I know this - but is it any good?) Are you doing naked Brad arse on Friday?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Yes, I know this - I'm always late to the party. Any chance that you'll write Draco again then? Or Dark!Harry? Or anything HP? (Ye gods look at me being demanding. I should just be happy that you wrote OC fic after the long draught.)

Yeah dude, WTF! I work fucking hard too... now. I don't have time like I used to. Be happy dammit!

What's going to be the new theme of your LJ anyway?

Minimalism. Or something I can pull up at work and not set off every alarm for twenty cubicles.

[kattiya.livejournal.com]

Yeah dude, WTF! I work fucking hard too... now. I don't have time like I used to. Be happy dammit!

*backs away slowly* Ack I am I am! *runs off*