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hackthis_archiveYou can't give blood if you've lived in the UK for longer than three months since 1980? WTF! I may *be* a mad cow, but I don't *have* mad cow! Christ.
My LJ is about to undergo a thematic shift, but before Seth and Ryan sail off to Tahiti, I thought I'd give them one last hurrah. For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kattiya who actually left a message on my voicemail because she was so moved by our most beloved, and on occasion lampooned and lamented, Seth (and of course we adore Josh, too).
The O.C.
Hope’s Just Another Four-Letter Word
1. I will never follow you / I will never bother you / Never speak a word again /I will crawl away for good
He could've just grabbed onto Ryan's ankles and refused to let him leave. Seth’s got seriously untapped strength reserves hidden somewhere in his body. He drinks his three glasses of milk a day. He eats his green vegetables, well, except for lima beans, because yuck. But he could totally have done that. He totally could’ve channeled his inner six-year-old to keep Ryan from leaving. To keep Ryan with him. To stay with Ryan, period. He wanted to.
He really, really wanted to.
Seth wanted to crawl into Ryan's pockets so badly that his fingers cramped up when he shoved the earpieces for the iPod in his ears. He wanted to sock Ryan in the jaw and break his own hand. He wanted to kiss Ryan and make it better. Seth wanted to chloroform Ryan and keep him in his closet for ever and ever. He wanted – god, Seth wanted so badly he didn’t know what to do. He would’ve sold his soul if he’d thought it would’ve gotten rid of Theresa and kept Ryan where he belonged. With him. With them.
Seth’s stomach flipped over like his catamaran in bad weather when the map of Tahiti landed on his lap. Everything inside him fought to keep from latching onto Ryan and forcing him to stay in Newport. Stay with them. Stay with Seth. Because it's not the same with Summer. It's just not. Summer's not Ryan. No one's Ryan, and Seth needs Ryan like most people need air, and how Seth lived the first sixteen years of his life alone is beyond him now.
Ryan is one of Seth’s vital organs. Seth’s going to die without him, and it’s easier to run away than to sit around and watch the making of his own corpse.
2. Things have never been so swell / And I have never felt so well / Pain... / You know you're right
Seth’s not selfish; he’s just been an only child for the first sixteen years of his life, so he has sharing issues. There is a difference. Plus, he’s being cheated out of his quality Ryan and Seth time, and that’s just not right. Theresa’s already had her time. So has Marissa. It’s his turn. Except it’s not. Apparently now it’s the baby’s turn, and Seth can’t compete with an embryo the size of a pencil eraser. No matter who the father is.
3. I'm so warm and calm inside / I no longer have to hide / Let's talk about someone else
It’s Marissa’s fault. It’s all his dad’s fault. It’s Summer’s fault, and Ryan’s mom’s fault, and the fault of everyone else but him. But them. If his dad had never brought Ryan home, Seth could’ve gone on happily with his heterosexuality. If Marissa had never shown her alcohol-dependent needy side, Seth could’ve had Ryan first. If Ryan had been anybody else, Seth would never have won over Summer. He would never have fallen for Ryan too.
Things could have been so much easier for everyone involved. Seth wouldn’t have had to hide. He wouldn’t have thought about being with Ryan in Berkeley and Tahiti and Paris and every place in between. He wouldn’t have had to jerk off at night while biting his tongue to muffle Ryan’s name on his lips.
It’s much easier to be Zen when there are other people to blame for Seth’s misfortunes.
4. I will move away from here / You won't be afraid of fear
It was one thing to deal with the girlfriends and the other friends, and the knowledge that the earliest they could really be together was college. But Seth doesn’t even have that hope anymore. Because Seth had hope.
He had hope in the too-long stares and the random games of footsie under the dinner table. He had hope in comic books and iPod mixes and video games on the sofa. Seth had enough hope to keep a small third world country afloat, but now, well, hope’s just another four letter word. And there’s just no point in sticking around and getting his head kicked in by the water polo team when there’s no one to come to his rescue.
There’s no point in sticking around to see Ryan play happy families with Theresa, because that’s what will happen. Ryan will go off to play happy families and give the baby all the chances he never had, and Chino is a lot further away from Newport than that one hour drive. It might as well be on the otherside of the world. Maybe when Seth gets to Tahiti Ryan will already be there. Maybe he’ll be with Theresa and their baby.
Maybe no matter where Seth goes he won’t be able to get away from this.
Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life.
5. No thought was put into this / I always knew it'll come to this
He gets seven hours out to sea and away from Newport this time, which is three hours closer than he got the last time his parents tried to take/ send/ make Ryan go away. It’s a good eighty-seven minutes longer than he thought he'd last when the hunger pains set in. It might’ve worked for Kevin Costner to drink his own pee and all that stuff, but that’s so not Seth’s thing, and when Seth gets hungry that's pretty much all there is to it. Except that the more his stomach growls the louder his brain shouts him down.
42 days without a shower is a long time. 42 days on beef jerky and Cap’n Crunch is a longer time. Even the cast of Survivor had rice, and Seth can run and run but eventually he’ll wind up back where he started, because the world is round and that’s how things work.
Seth’s entire life is in Southern California – or what remains of his life. He’s not sure what sort of life he’s going to have now; he doubts it’s going to be worth much without Ryan around, but on some level he’s always known things would come to this. Marissa, Theresa, Ryan’s mom, Oliver, there were always going to be people between them, but giving up now when Ryan needs him the most? What kind of friend is that? Seth’s not going to punk out on Ryan. Not now, not ever, and he’s not going to wish for something to happen to Theresa or the baby, because that’s just wrong. But nine months is a long time, and who knows what can happen in the meantime? Ryan’s only been a Cohen for nine months himself, and there are worse things for Seth to suffer from than ‘hope.’
After all ‘Ryan’ is a four-letter word too.
-end-
* Lyrics provided by Nirvana’s ‘You Know You’re Right.
* Forkattiya. And for serialkarma and ethrosdemon (who won't even READ it).
My LJ is about to undergo a thematic shift, but before Seth and Ryan sail off to Tahiti, I thought I'd give them one last hurrah. For
kattiya who actually left a message on my voicemail because she was so moved by our most beloved, and on occasion lampooned and lamented, Seth (and of course we adore Josh, too).The O.C.
1. I will never follow you / I will never bother you / Never speak a word again /I will crawl away for good
He could've just grabbed onto Ryan's ankles and refused to let him leave. Seth’s got seriously untapped strength reserves hidden somewhere in his body. He drinks his three glasses of milk a day. He eats his green vegetables, well, except for lima beans, because yuck. But he could totally have done that. He totally could’ve channeled his inner six-year-old to keep Ryan from leaving. To keep Ryan with him. To stay with Ryan, period. He wanted to.
He really, really wanted to.
Seth wanted to crawl into Ryan's pockets so badly that his fingers cramped up when he shoved the earpieces for the iPod in his ears. He wanted to sock Ryan in the jaw and break his own hand. He wanted to kiss Ryan and make it better. Seth wanted to chloroform Ryan and keep him in his closet for ever and ever. He wanted – god, Seth wanted so badly he didn’t know what to do. He would’ve sold his soul if he’d thought it would’ve gotten rid of Theresa and kept Ryan where he belonged. With him. With them.
Seth’s stomach flipped over like his catamaran in bad weather when the map of Tahiti landed on his lap. Everything inside him fought to keep from latching onto Ryan and forcing him to stay in Newport. Stay with them. Stay with Seth. Because it's not the same with Summer. It's just not. Summer's not Ryan. No one's Ryan, and Seth needs Ryan like most people need air, and how Seth lived the first sixteen years of his life alone is beyond him now.
Ryan is one of Seth’s vital organs. Seth’s going to die without him, and it’s easier to run away than to sit around and watch the making of his own corpse.
2. Things have never been so swell / And I have never felt so well / Pain... / You know you're right
Seth’s not selfish; he’s just been an only child for the first sixteen years of his life, so he has sharing issues. There is a difference. Plus, he’s being cheated out of his quality Ryan and Seth time, and that’s just not right. Theresa’s already had her time. So has Marissa. It’s his turn. Except it’s not. Apparently now it’s the baby’s turn, and Seth can’t compete with an embryo the size of a pencil eraser. No matter who the father is.
3. I'm so warm and calm inside / I no longer have to hide / Let's talk about someone else
It’s Marissa’s fault. It’s all his dad’s fault. It’s Summer’s fault, and Ryan’s mom’s fault, and the fault of everyone else but him. But them. If his dad had never brought Ryan home, Seth could’ve gone on happily with his heterosexuality. If Marissa had never shown her alcohol-dependent needy side, Seth could’ve had Ryan first. If Ryan had been anybody else, Seth would never have won over Summer. He would never have fallen for Ryan too.
Things could have been so much easier for everyone involved. Seth wouldn’t have had to hide. He wouldn’t have thought about being with Ryan in Berkeley and Tahiti and Paris and every place in between. He wouldn’t have had to jerk off at night while biting his tongue to muffle Ryan’s name on his lips.
It’s much easier to be Zen when there are other people to blame for Seth’s misfortunes.
4. I will move away from here / You won't be afraid of fear
It was one thing to deal with the girlfriends and the other friends, and the knowledge that the earliest they could really be together was college. But Seth doesn’t even have that hope anymore. Because Seth had hope.
He had hope in the too-long stares and the random games of footsie under the dinner table. He had hope in comic books and iPod mixes and video games on the sofa. Seth had enough hope to keep a small third world country afloat, but now, well, hope’s just another four letter word. And there’s just no point in sticking around and getting his head kicked in by the water polo team when there’s no one to come to his rescue.
There’s no point in sticking around to see Ryan play happy families with Theresa, because that’s what will happen. Ryan will go off to play happy families and give the baby all the chances he never had, and Chino is a lot further away from Newport than that one hour drive. It might as well be on the otherside of the world. Maybe when Seth gets to Tahiti Ryan will already be there. Maybe he’ll be with Theresa and their baby.
Maybe no matter where Seth goes he won’t be able to get away from this.
Seth didn’t even hug Ryan goodbye – he’s going to remember that for the rest of his life.
5. No thought was put into this / I always knew it'll come to this
He gets seven hours out to sea and away from Newport this time, which is three hours closer than he got the last time his parents tried to take/ send/ make Ryan go away. It’s a good eighty-seven minutes longer than he thought he'd last when the hunger pains set in. It might’ve worked for Kevin Costner to drink his own pee and all that stuff, but that’s so not Seth’s thing, and when Seth gets hungry that's pretty much all there is to it. Except that the more his stomach growls the louder his brain shouts him down.
42 days without a shower is a long time. 42 days on beef jerky and Cap’n Crunch is a longer time. Even the cast of Survivor had rice, and Seth can run and run but eventually he’ll wind up back where he started, because the world is round and that’s how things work.
Seth’s entire life is in Southern California – or what remains of his life. He’s not sure what sort of life he’s going to have now; he doubts it’s going to be worth much without Ryan around, but on some level he’s always known things would come to this. Marissa, Theresa, Ryan’s mom, Oliver, there were always going to be people between them, but giving up now when Ryan needs him the most? What kind of friend is that? Seth’s not going to punk out on Ryan. Not now, not ever, and he’s not going to wish for something to happen to Theresa or the baby, because that’s just wrong. But nine months is a long time, and who knows what can happen in the meantime? Ryan’s only been a Cohen for nine months himself, and there are worse things for Seth to suffer from than ‘hope.’
After all ‘Ryan’ is a four-letter word too.
-end-
* Lyrics provided by Nirvana’s ‘You Know You’re Right.
* For
kattiya. And for serialkarma and ethrosdemon (who won't even READ it).
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-07 04:08 pm (UTC)