hackthis_archive | Birthday Present for A - Rule #2,812: Beware the Charming Pretty People with Wands

First order of business,

rosenho put together a cracking SV ezine together, Ground Zero. Check out all her hard work.

title or description

Second order of business, yesterday was

lalejandra's birthday, and she's so low key that she didn't even blow anything up to celebrate. Unfortunately I was, err, indisposed yesterday and didn't get to write her anything, but this week? Oh, it's on.

Also, a uh wee ~~crack-fic!~~ crossover for the birthday girl.
Smallville/Harry Potter
Rule #2,812: Beware the Charming Pretty People with Wands

Lex had rules about dealing with people who were crazier than him, or he would’ve if he thought of himself as crazy; but Lex wasn’t crazy, he was just eccentric, and eccentric people always recognized other eccentric people. Especially when they wandered into Lex’s favorite Italian bistro in Positano and began zapping people with sticks of wood and green lights. The whole business was very trying to Lex’s nerves, and he wanted to feel severely put out by the entire experience since said eccentric stranger had zapped the chef before Lex had been served his gnocchi, but it was hard to be put out when the stranger was so –- well, pretty.

Luckily for Lex, he had rules about dealing with pretty people.

Lex had rules for everything.

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Lex had rules about dying – he would do it when he was damn well ready and not a moment before, which is probably why he kicked the chef-murderer in the kneecap and held a steak knife to his throat until he revealed his name.

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Lex had rules about dealing with pretty people who sneered more than they sneezed and always went around looking as though they were smelling something unpleasant. However, it was hard not to be charmed by Draco Malfoy and the way he sulked when Lex refused to die after Draco pointed his piece of wood at Lex and said something in language he didn’t recognize.

Draco had been one of the more interesting law-givers of ancient Greece, but apparently his namesake was more interested in delivering his own kind of justice.

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Lex had rules about taking people to his villa who insisted that they were the one True Heir and that everybody else should’ve been kissing their robes. For one, Lex was the True Heir, everybody knew that, and two, Lex never kissed anybody’s robes. Even if they were a brilliant shade of verdant and seemed to have snakes slithering around them. The illusion on the material was stellar, Lex would be the first to admit, but who knew where the hell those robes had been?

Clearly what Draco needed was a shower and a change of clothes and to put down that intriguing stick that he kept using to kill things, so that Lex could study it a bit closer.

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Lex had rules about people wearing shoes in the villa and about people invading his personal space every two seconds, but Draco didn’t really seem to care what sort of rules Lex had. It was refreshing, in an annoying sort of way.

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Lex had rules about fucking blonde Englishmen who tried to kill him with a pointy sticks of wood, but it was hard to remember what they were when said Englishmen had such enormous gray eyes and a pink, bow-like mouth that made Lex’s trousers too tight. Actually, it became impossible to remember much of anything when Draco wandered out of the bathroom in a naked snit because he had no idea how the shower worked.

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No one ever fucked Lex, but of course, Draco didn’t listen.

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Lex had rules about being fucked by people who held him at gunpoint, but a stick wasn’t a gun, strictly speaking, and when Draco found the gun in Lex’s nightstand along with condoms and lube and various other sundries, he actually asked Lex what the hell it was.

*

Lex had rules about lovers and significant others, and how he refused to have either for a period of longer than six weeks, however, there was something about Draco that intrigued Lex, something that made Lex think that the rules simply weren’t going to apply anymore. Rather than dwelling too much on the matter, Lex simple made up a new rule that said Draco was exempt from every other rule in the book, except the one about killing him off should Draco prove to be another alien from Krypton.

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