Lizard, err, Heroes Dissection 2.02

[hackthis_archive]

Yesterday, I wrote Neville/Theodore. The world is a brighter place now

I'm only doing another episode because, uh, prolly because I have Peter mood!wing-fic on the brain. Oh, snap. Did I say that out loud? It's for sameoldhope; it's not even my fault. Blame skripka and kelly_girl for real. Oh, y'all thought I was joking when I brought the Crack back? Don't worry, Crack, them other girls don't know how to act. Did I just quote Timbertrick? Oh, they need to up my meds. A lot.



a) Naked Peter. Getting the snot beat out of him. *winces* I presume that high pitched noise that made my brain throb was the sound of a million fan girls spontaneously orgasming at the same time. That really high pitched one belonged to antheia I have no doubt. *eyes critically* He's still too lean. He needs to eat more meat. Bad Irish accent too. For shame. All the hot Irishmen in the world and we get this?

b) I love Mrs. Bennett. We do have colanders, Claire. She's such a mom.

c) Dude, they are living in that house on Kinko's-lite minimum wage? Oh really?

d) Wet!David Anders is not pretty. Sark would do it much better. Hiro does look like a fish. A goldfish.

e) Mohinder is Teh Cure? Can he cure small pox and bad hair days too? What about apartment hunting mojo? Can he break me off a piece of that?

Sidebar: Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream is the devil. Take my soul now.

f) Ooooh, so Maya's brother IS hot. And he's got dimples. What's his name again? Let's start shipping him!

g) Some chick is on her knees wiping blood from a naked Peter Petrelli. I can sense vast quantities of people breaking out the voodoo dolls now. And they're looking in the mirror together. Ah, thar be the shipper wars. Wait! I have to put on my Kevlar first, because, like Ricky says, "I predict a riot…"

Sidebar II: I heart Damian Lewis and think everyone should be watching Life, because I love red heads. With freckles. And hello, he was in Band of Brothers!

h) So. I'm thinking The Haitian/Mohinder. No, dammit, he has to have a name, I'm tired of this shit. NAME! NAME! NAME!

I) An 'inconsiderate fart'? Lame.

j) Oh, Peter's laying the smackdown. Emo Knight to the Rescue in Flannel! Tim, you're totally mix-n-matching your decades here. Emo is 00's, Flannel is 90's grunge. Wait, if y'all are gonna keeping making sex noises I need to put on those headphones the celebs give their kids at gigs so they don't go deaf and so I'm not put off sex forever.

k) Kon-El read the Suresh evolution book too? How did everybody get a copy of this? I couldn't find my copy at Borders. Does it just show up in the post one day marked: To the Person At this Address Who Has a Power, 123 Evolutionary Road, Darwinism, The World or something?

l) I'm digging the cinematography with Hiro's girlfriend, look at all the flower petals. How pretty. I love me some Asian cinematography.

m) Okay, so, no Mohinder/Haitian then. And give him a name, Tim, dammit! This is insulting at this point.

n) Oh. So Maya is the opposite of Chuck Norris' tears. Gotcha. That's a rough tack, kiddo. Oh, dude, Maya and Alejandro too? Wow, incest is the new black for Tim, isn't it?

o) She left the car unlocked? Where the fuck does she think this is? Poduck, Iowa (sorry if you're reading this in Iowa), but uh, on the coast, you only leave a car unlocked if you want it stolen or it's a drug mule. Also, Kon-El totally stole the car. Dammed if I know why, but I know he did.

p) The Kensei symbol is on the Petrelli law firm? And Mrs. P used to sleep with Hiro's Daddy? And she knows what Matt's doing. Get out of my head, ASSHOLE! I love you Mrs. P. A LOT.

q) NATHAN! This episode was going to be a big ass bust to me if there was no Nathan. Just saying. I bet that beard is softer than a baby's ass. I wanna pet the beard!

r) Oh, noes! Not, Mrs. P! I will be really bitter if anything bad happens to Mrs. P.

s) Okay, this Irish storyline sucks. Wait, a love letter? DAMMIT, TIM! You just can't stop with the Italian brotherly lurve can you? Peter, you just phased through fucking ropes, and kicked ass without even touching anybody, you think you couldn't just snatch that fucking box? You are real pretty, but not too bright, baby. Nathan, come save him from his own lack of common sense now. PLEASE?

t) Wow. Advanced gay domesticity no doubt.

u) Noah + Sam the Haitian = BFF!

I thought there was supposed to be Sylar this week? BOO! Also, why are they just teasing me with the Nathan time. More BOO! Also, dude, Mrs. P is having a tough year, poor Mrs. P. Go steal some more socks, maybe that'll make you feel better. It always makes me feel better If I did those things. My lawyer has advised me to shut up now.

Comments

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Bad enough I was messing around in your LJ, I think I might actually be serious about this. I told sparky77:

There was no love until there was Nathan. Just saying. We need new icons. Also, that's a really good last line for a story, isn't there? I was gonna do some Super! Def! Blow-Out Peter w/ Mood!Wings, fic, but you know 'there was no love until there was Nathan' is pretty profound. Huh. Oh, that may work for the mood!wing fic too! Maybe when Peter feels loved the wings glow gold or something, not to be confused with the pink, which is horny. Yes, really. Oh, I HAVE to write this shit today.

Curses!

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

Oh, dude, Maya and Alejandro too? Wow, incest is the new black for Tim, isn't it?

what gets me with this one is that right now, the only person EITHER of those two can be paired with is EACH OTHER, because apparently they can't be more than 500 yards away from each other or people DIE. Dude, I'd be looking for a cure, too. I mean, they're both hot, but they've got to be thinking "wow, I'd like a chance to have sex with someone not related to me someday!"

also, I really want Nathan to shave the muskrat off his face NOW.

[kelly-girl.livejournal.com]

But what if it's a super powered muskrat? Not that I don't want the beard gone too. But what if he needs it to save Peter? Actually I just want a scene where Peter sees Nathan with his beard and laughs his ass off. And then calls him Paul Bunyon.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Love the beard! Embrace the beard! It is subtext! Why keep Heidi when you can grow your own beard?! I am so funny.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I mean, they're both hot, but they've got to be thinking "wow, I'd like a chance to have sex with someone not related to me someday!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I see you have jokes.

Also, leave the beard alone. The beard is mourning and pining. The Beard is Emo. The beard began with the death of Peter's Emo hair, Nathan's carrying on the mantel until Peter comes home.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of shocked at the addition of yet MORE incesty vibes. Maya's brother is named Alejandro, and yes with the hotness. Maybe they'll stumble across Mohinder when he goes to treat another virus patient in the developing world? And then Maya can hold up her copy of the Suresh Bible (it's just like the Hogwarts Invitation!) and fangirl him.

The "Irish" accents hurt me.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

the Suresh Bible (it's just like the Hogwarts Invitation!)

I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Priceless.

[girlandetc.livejournal.com]

oh man, best/worst school ever. can you imagine putting all those supernatural powers in one giant, also supernaturally powered castle? and all the crazy deaths that would rack up?

although, hm.. sylar vs voldemort?? molly weasley vs ma petrelli?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Slytherins in the HOUSE!

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

I lived in Iowa and I never locked my car doors and we lost the key to our house. That has nothing to do with anything, but it amuses me.

I am kind of not happy with Peter right now. I enjoyed him perking up when he heard the word 'brother' but I did not approve of him finding a shirt or being an idiot.

And, yeah, I've totally surrendered to the awesomeness of Angela Petrelli. She better not die when I've finally given into the love.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I lived in Iowa and I never locked my car doors and we lost the key to our house. That has nothing to do with anything, but it amuses me.

Well, that certainly explains a lot about you. What? Also, Peter is just... man, you know how I feel about him. Not too bright, sometimes real pretty, I wonder how he can be so good at evil when he's just so not smart baby. He perked up at brother? I missed that, I was too busy going LOVE LETTER?! Angela is The Man! Big ups, Mrs. P! Ari and I love you!

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

Iowa is awesome. Don't believe the slander. Where else could a 17 year-old-college student go to the grocery store at 1 in the morning and get a bottle of Everclear and not get carded... hypothetically. And there's a place called Pella and every year they have a tulip festival and they made the children wear wooden shoes, and hypothetically, if you were an evil sort of person, it's really fun to go to Pella late at night when the whole town is drunk and steal tulips, hypothetically.

I wonder how he can be so good at evil when he's just so not smart baby

It is a proven fact that being evil makes people smarter. So, not only will Peter going evil be good for us, it will be good for his intellectual growth. I'm really only thinking of the great good, here.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

All that Pella stuff is hypothetical though, of course. It's proven that evil makes people smarter? Where can I get my hands on this study?! oh, the things I could do with it...

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's been proven, but sadly only by the super smart evil hot scientists, so the dumb ass good ones try to dismiss the theory because they're jealous of the evil scientists' awesomeness.

[12-12-12.livejournal.com]

Naked Peter. Getting the snot beat out of him. *winces* I presume that high pitched noise that made my brain throb was the sound of a million fan girls spontaneously orgasming at the same time. That really high pitched one belonged to antheia I have no doubt.

We were spread out over several time zones, so I think it was more of a prolonged, drawn out siren screech than a single high pitched squeal. :D

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Like an air-raid drill you mean. Ah, I see now. It explains a lot.

[girlandetc.livejournal.com]

oh man the episodes are way better with your writeups. advanced gay domesticity.. zing!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Commentary makes the baby Petrelli happy, so I'm glad you liked it. Also, I think you left a comment for me about the pasdar youtube account, thank you for that, but I actually already have it on my flist watch ;)

[girlandetc.livejournal.com]

the commentary is great. i'm not naturally that witty. i need to work on that. and i did leave that comment - i figured you had already seen it, but i also figured that if you hadn't, you'd be glad i commented. so either way. just trying to do my creepy, possibly incestuous, brotherly love, fandom/real life crossover video service. or something.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I dunno about the witty part, I just call it like I see it and let the sarcasm do the rest, and I am always happy for contributions to the dirty!bad!wrong!hotass.

[kelly-girl.livejournal.com]

I bet that beard is softer than a baby's ass. I wanna pet the beard!

Do not fall for the beard! It's evil and will hypnotize you into thinking it's the best thing since sliced bread. Before you know it you'll be sitting with skripka and sparky77 as they plan to make the beard our world dictator.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Love the beard! Embrace the beard! Do not deny the beard, you and skripka are already in enough trouble with me since apparently I will be writing Cracked out Mood!Wing-fic this week.

[kelly-girl.livejournal.com]

You have already fallen for the beard.

We will miss you!

*Plays taps*

*Waits for wing!fic that I know is going to be like chocolate covered crack*

[niciasus.livejournal.com]

Wheeeewww. I'm not alone. I love the beard. Nathan is freaking sexy wearing the beard.

[isagel.livejournal.com]

k) Kon-El read the Suresh evolution book too? How did everybody get a copy of this? I couldn't find my copy at Borders. Does it just show up in the post one day marked: To the Person At this Address Who Has a Power, 123 Evolutionary Road, Darwinism, The World or something?

This is exactly what I said, only you said it funnier. The ubiquitousness of the Papa Suresh masterpiece is currently amusing me so much it's bound to start annoying the hell out of me any second now.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

mattador said below that s/he thought Chandra had sent out copies to those he thought were potential genetic, err, carriers, so that makes a lot more sense then it falling out the sky, no?

[mattador.livejournal.com]

k) Actually, didn't Chandra send out copies to people he thought had powers? Am I remembering wrong?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Is that what happened? Because I was just 'like the hell?' Does it appear on your bedside the day you hit genetic jackpot puberty or what?