Olympics r srs bzness.

[hackthis_archive]

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass, oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

Comments

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

Man, we all knew Michael and Ryan were screwing when the Men's Journal published their photoshoot and article. It was laid before us in high resolution pictures!

It's actually very kind of Michael to take all the work away; he kind of has a history of getting photographed all lovey dovey with his rivals.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

RESEARCH! So, I am assuming this means I'm obligated to write it now? Also, I think maybe Ian Crocker and Michael had a bad break up and now the press is on the side of Michael's new man, who shall lead them all to VICTORY! Dude, stranger shit has motivated the media. The problem is that fabulous people like you keep giving me research and the story keeps getting longer and longer in my head. I'm going to have to give you lot the abbreviated love saga, which mostly involves pot, blow jobs and swimming. I can't see how it could involve anything else.

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

It TOTALLY means you're obligated to write it! Honestly, if you go by everything that's happened since the last Olympics, it comes off like Michael and Ian Thorpe had a bad break-up, Michael jumped into a rebound relationship with Ian Crocker, and then got seduced by Ryan. He's kind of a manwhore. This is a natural repercussion from swimming, like, every event there is.

(Honestly, I'm totally cool with Michael sleeping with everyone on the US team, or any team. It's good for morale! Or something.)

But yeah, the more I started researching him back from Athens, the more delighted I keep getting with all I found. He makes it so damn easy-- he keeps posters and clippings of his rivals on his bedroom wall; he constantly gets photographed nearly naked; he wears a mermaid tail and cavorts with Ryan Lochte while wearing flowery speedos. I could spout off all day.

I'm going to have to give you lot the abbreviated love saga, which mostly involves pot, blow jobs and swimming.

Dude, I can see no bad side to this at ALL. Please do! I mean, somehow I find myself writing a stupid crack epic where he figures out he's in the middle of a Speedo conspiracy to get him knocked up and breeding little super-swimmer babies.

Thank You

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It TOTALLY means you're obligated to write it! Honestly, if you go by everything that's happened since the last Olympics, it comes off like Michael and Ian Thorpe had a bad break-up, Michael jumped into a rebound relationship with Ian Crocker, and then got seduced by Ryan. He's kind of a manwhore. This is a natural repercussion from swimming, like, every event there is.

When I get to hell, I'll be sure to tell them that you sent me. (http://hackthis.livejournal.com/496603.html?mode=reply) Thank you for providing me with the research to take the super-scenic route.

There's room in the handbasket

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, most awesome story ever. I need to go reply in depth on the post itself.