12 1/2 thoughts on the World Cup to-date

[hackthis_archive]

1. Vuvuzelas. Gotta get me one.

2. Alexi Lalas doing commentary for ESPN. THANK YOU FOR GETTING SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. The last, oh let's say since the US started airing the World Cup, the matches have been plagued by US commentators who clearly a) had never seen football in their lives b) had no idea what they were talking about c) probably weren't watching the match they were talking about. So, ESPN, thank you for Alexi. (And Alexi, thank you for shaving and cutting your hair).

2 1/2. And thank you for mixing match commentary with Brits and Americans, because John Harknes you are no presenter and if you didn't have Adrian Healey I'd be watching this on Univision like usual.

3. France. France France France. You know this happened because you nicked Ireland's spot, right? I just... wow y'all. I have never seen self-destruction quite like that.

4. Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey slash? Yes, I think I'd like to read that*. Or any other USA slash you have going on.

*I was watching Dempsey earlier talking to the ref and Donovan came over to pat him on the hip and Dempsey brushed him away, like, "No, not now." And all I could think was, "if not now, then when?" Tell me about when.

5. Bob Bradley looks SO retired military with the shaved head and the craggy hotass features. Please come and order me around, Coach. I will do as many drills as you want. Who knew I had an old (er) man kink like that?

5 1/2. Michael Bradley, do I adore you because of your daddy, or because you wear your serious face all the time? Inquiring minds want to know if you ever smile.

5 1/2 #2. Hiiiiiii, Tim Howard. Hi.

6. Cameroon. Call me. All of you.

7. Portugal, what the fuck man? I was away for 20 minutes. One minute it's 2-0 the next it's 7-0? I mean did you really have to spank them that hard?

7 1/2. Don't talk about Cristiano Ronaldo like he's the Messiah. Just don't. He doesn't shit golden eggs. He is not going to fix the oil spill in The Gulf. Stop blowing smoke up his ass: he is not the second coming of Pele!

8. What I really really appreciate about football is that 60% of any national side is comprised of pure hotassery. Most everyone has talent, but the hotass. If you are not watching the most amazing display of manflash since Rudy was naked in the tent at Camp Mathilda I just... I am sorry for you.

9. Argentina. Maradona is doing it again, people. Buttfuck crazy, but getting the job done. Other countries, TAKE NOTE.

10. England. Really, people? REALLY?

11. Dear players. There has been some seriously appalling ball played in some of these matches. I mean like ballsack ugly. I know you all don't spend so much time together that you walk about with your cocks up each others asses like the league teams do, but can we get a little fucking cohesion? A little bit of fucking teamwork? I could get a pack of 12 year olds off the street and they could communicate better.

Learn how to finish your fucking shots. Oh my god, when will you learn about follow through? Completion! For the love of Rudy! Would you only fuck until you almost came? I think not! So for the love of god, get the ball in the fucking net. That goes for all of you.

12. And so as not to end on a bitter note, I would like to thank every last one of you all over the world for the genetics in your countries that have enabled this World Cup to have the highest concentration of hotass to-date. I know that's not an easy task, but you all came through beautifully. And every time a match is over and shirts are exchanged and bare flesh is exposed, I am grateful.

♥


ETA: I am seriously about to slash the entire USA squad. OMG. Is he crying? I love football (soccer). Y'all don't even know.

ETA #2: Now with visuals courtesy of xenakis_!

Comments

[harborshore.livejournal.com]

Re 11: Uruguay. Seriously. Especially the first twenty minutes of the game they played against Mexico. Holy shit, that was some fantastic teamwork football going on. They've also switched strategies successfully multiple times--I really love watching them play. And, well, Brazil when they get their shit together, but obvious answer is very obvious.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The lack of teamwork has been STUNNING in these opening matches. And USA I'm talking about your last two games. Don't even front!

[thisisbone.livejournal.com]

I could probably be persuaded to at least clue in for the hotassery if you lied to me and told me the average height of a World Cup player was 6'1" instead of, what, probably 5'6"?

What can I say? I'm heightist! *pouints to ASkars' longass legs*

https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#inbox/129655001a316c3f

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Baby, soccer players ARE tall (no, not lying). The ideal height is probably 5'10-6'0* and average goal keeper is probably 6'1-6'3 and these men? ALL LEGS. Perfectly defined, long, lean muscled legs.

*Everything can be compensated for with skills.

the icon has the wrong football, but the right idea

[jenna-thorn.livejournal.com]

I'm delighted by your priorities.

Except for the vuvuzelas because they really do seem overwhelming.

But I've recently discovered the appeal of rugby after strenuously ignoring it for years (Grownups in shorts on tv are much more appealing that the hungover college guys who would take over our practice field. What a difference a decade makes. Well, and not fighting for the field.) and so points 8 and 12 are particularly personal right now.

Re: the icon has the wrong football, but the right idea

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The very first match I thought that noise was feedback from the TV, but no, it was the vuvuzelas. I've become rather partial to them. Can't quite say why, but they add a certain ambiance that I enjoy.

Rugby! I LOVE rugby. The man kind, not so much the hungover student kind.

[lorientad.livejournal.com]

3; i'm french and i'm uterly ashamed by my fu**ing team. you may be right about, it would have been better if we never went to that world cup.

4. me too i'd like to read that. (damn i missed the part with the ref.) because yes, i'm rooting for USA. i loved their match against Slovenia.

7.1/2. i really, REALLY, dislike Ronaldo so... better not comment more than that.

9. i hope our next coach will be kinda like Maradonna, since he won that Fuµµing cup

12. and yes, thanks heaven for the end time.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

3. Your team. Whooooooooooooo boy. But what is the World Cup without drama? We do have to thank you for that ;-)

4. When I saw the ref moment it was like my slash goggles clicked into military mission mode. I heard this *click click* in my head.

7 1/2. WORD.

[dimwit90.livejournal.com]

4) I find that lately its become impossible for me to turn on the tv without suddenly needing slash

and

12) YES THAT IS THE WHOLE REASON WHY I'VE BEEN WATCHING

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

4) That's how I'm feeling. All the kissing and hugging and groping and more kissing and the jumping around and frottage. I mean wow.

12) I am a huge football fan, but the basic animal appeal cannot be denied.

[winstonmom.livejournal.com]

I insist you must watch futbol on Univision. You may not understand a thing but by golly the people doing the play by play are hilarious!
Also, I must agree with you about the gathering of handsome (hot) men in this world cup.It doesn't get any better than international eye candy :)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I've watched many a WC on Univision, understood most of it, and they are indeed awesome. Their enthusiasm alone is enough, and even if you don't understand a word, everybody knows what GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL means.

[lorientad.livejournal.com]

Another thought... when we'll we get the video?! i mean seriously Two match and two goals rejected because the ref saw offside where there is none. if video existed in football USA would be leading the score by now, damnit

[jenna-thorn.livejournal.com]

All's well that end's well, I suppose but man that was a nailbiter.

And as far as video goes, I suspect baseball's going to be headed that way soon, given what happened a few weeks ago. (http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100602&content_id=10727590)

[nicolasechs.livejournal.com]

Bloody Clint Dempsey is so hot I don't even know what to do with myself.

Also, if England go through and the US doesn't, there's no justice. Ugh.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You know when he got that elbow to the face and was bleeding I was kind of like, "That's hot." That's probably not the right response, but still.

[random-flores.livejournal.com]

12. And so as not to end on a bitter note, I would like to thank every last one of you all over the world for the genetics in your countries that have enabled this World Cup to have the highest concentration of hotass to-date. I know that's not an easy task, but you all came through beautifully. And every time a match is over and shirts are exchanged and bare flesh is exposed, I am grateful.

Dude, WERD. This sport is filled with so much pretty!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The pretty! The Pretty!

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh, you just had to mention Rudy, didn't you? Now I'm going to be utterly useless for the rest of the afternoon. *shakes fist at sky* HAAAAAACKTHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS!

RUDYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Rudy. I think we need more Rudy, don't you?

(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=RudyReyes1.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=rudyreyes.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=rudy2.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=reyes_sd320080713.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=649085_GK_5_A8_PS11821.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=02s00-rudy_reyes-24_822456l.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=181713-52.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=lets-talk-rudy-reyes-of-generation-.jpg)
(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=img_1560.jpg)

[mistresscurvy.livejournal.com]

I agree with every freaking word of this post. Every single one.

Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey slash? Yes, I think I'd like to read that*.

This one especially. Also, I'm not sure that John Harkes could be more useless and annoying if he tried. Thank Christ for Adrian, seriously.

Today's USA match nearly KILLED me, holy shit.

[lorientad.livejournal.com]

seconded, i thought i was gonna have a heard attack

[knowledgequeen.livejournal.com]

I don't comment much on your journal, but I still have to chime in with an enthusiastic WORD. (Except I'm thinking the Socceroos are going home after the opening round and CRYYY do not want World Cup without Tim Cahill! No, I'm not an Everton supporter, nope.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

EVERTON?! And you come up in a Liverpool space! You are a brave, brave woman ;-) Seriously though, yay for the World Cup! It brings us all together!

[rjunkie.livejournal.com]

Yay! World Cup talk! None of my friends like soccer so I've been alone in my excitement. Now, while I agree with you on a bunch of points, I'm going to keep my comments brief because I'm about to watch GHANA VS. GERMANY!!!!

2. We are in dire need of better commentators.

3. I can only point and laugh at France.

7. Seriously, that was absurd. Incredible, but sooo absurd.

7 1/2. I really really don't like Christiano Ronaldo. Not one bit. He's also *not* a hotass- despite what all the magazines say.

8. Yesss....

11. Excellent analogy. I'm sure Ray would approve.


EEEE!! Game time!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You are never alone in your football love, I assure you. And yes, that Ghana v. Germany game was giving me hives. I really wanted Ghana to win, but as long as they go through it's all good.

Cristiano Ronaldo is greasy; do not want.

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

http://www.3news.co.nz/Nude-rugby-a-hard-match-in-Dunedin-contains-nudity/tabid/309/articleID/161713/Default.aspx

What I found most wonderful was at the beginning with the Maori dance the Nude Blacks's did and then the Welsh Leeks counter.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm not really sure how I feel about the appropriation of the Maori dance. I find that dubious. HOWEVER. The reply was PRICELESS.

[sealedwithakiss.livejournal.com]

France oh god France what to say about them. I'm not french, didn't want them to win but to see them act so appalling on and off the field is just crazy.
And seriously when older players start picking on Yoann Gourcuff (oh my sweet beautiful lashes, can we slash him with anybody please) for no good reason, I get very very angry.

Oh and Spain what a beautiful national team you are sporting this year. A few more games in and the ball will start hitting the back of the net more and Torres is making me quiver with his haircut.

[civilized-era.livejournal.com]

everything about this post ♥!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

:)

[forsweatervests.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm on board for everything you said, save Lalas's hair. STOP WITH THE FORWARD COMBOVER, DUDE. It does nothing except make it seem like you're paranoid about balding. (Other than that, WOWZA. Made only more attractive by the fact that he knows his shit.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's a comb over, Alexi has always seemed to have a pretty full head of hair. (http://fulhamexiles.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/lalas.jpg)But I do suspect that somebody in hair has gotten pretty free with the hair spray.

[copracat]

What I really really appreciate about football is that 60% of any national side is comprised of pure hotassery.

And then they take their shirts off. \0/

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm saying. How can anyone not love this sport?!

Offer

[sheylindria.livejournal.com]

I don't know how readily available vuvuzelas are where you live. However, as a South African, they are currently available all over the place at the moment. If you email me a postal address, I'll happily send you one. You can email me at sheylindria@yahoo.com with the address if you'd like me to pop one in the post for you.

Re: Offer

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It's so very kind of you to offer! I wanted one more in theory than in reality, but I am so appreciative that you were willing to do that, thank you! :)

[moonystone.livejournal.com]

Longtime lurker commenting for once... but you pretty much wrote what I've been thinking these last days. And I'm still quite high on adrenaline from watching Germany vs Ghana.

Thank you for the hottie link ^^ The fun part of football is watching gorgeous men run around in those tight shirts and shorts that seem to get shorter every championship. All that body contact, patting, hugging and shoulder-clapping, throw in an amzing amount of visible nipples and drool-worthy thighs and I start to understand why so many women sit so very close to the field.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Germany v. Ghana nearly gave me an ulcer. I was really pulling for Ghana to win, but as long as they advance, I'm down.

The fun part of football is watching gorgeous men run around in those tight shirts and shorts that seem to get shorter every championship. All that body contact, patting, hugging and shoulder-clapping, throw in an amzing amount of visible nipples and drool-worthy thighs and I start to understand why so many women sit so very close to the field.

*beams* It's always nice when people become true believers ;-)

[yetunknown.livejournal.com]

ahahaha ilu.

but

6 1/2: Cameroon ;_____ ;

I wanted Eto'o and his buddies to get through, man.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I was SAD about Cameroon, dude. ::hands Kleenex::

[isagel.livejournal.com]

OH GOD, why did I start reading the comments to that yahoo article about France you linked? I don't know what's worse, the American people and their "What do you expect from FRANCE? (Hahahahah, we all know French people are sissies)" attitude or the French/European people trying to explain that it's all happening because the players are largely of North African origin. Can we all be a little bit less prejudiced, people, PLEASE?

Having said that, though: WOOOOOOOOOOO! WORLD CUP!!!!!!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetheart, no. Don't read the comments. Never ever read the comments. ::pets:: Are you okay now?

[causeways.livejournal.com]

Truly, truly I am not just watching this World Cup for the hotass men. I am largely watching it because currently I live in Germany, and it is all kinds of fun to watch football with a nation that cares immensely about this sport, as opposed to watching it in the U.S., where I used to think it was BORING. From a purely sports-based standpoint, that was beyond wrong -- it's so much fun to watch! And from an overall visual standpoint, hot DAMN, footballers. Where have y'all BEEN all my life? For real, EVERY TEAM THAT THERE IS has at least someone immensely hot on it. Most have multiple someones. I'm concentrating a little on Germany because that is where I live, but I am not terribly partial! Would do any of them really!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

LOL. I was rooting for Ghana in your last match I must confess. Yes, I can see you giving me the eye over here.

From a purely sports-based standpoint, that was beyond wrong -- it's so much fun to watch!

As long as you have seen the error of your ways it's all good :D Seriously though I've been a soccer fan for an exceptionally long time and am consistently amazed by the hotass that plays the sport locally, nationally and internationally.

[http://users.livejournal.com/xenakis_/]

As a Québécoise, France is usually my team by default, but given recent doucheassery... not so much. The US puppy-piling (http://jezebel.com/5571223/10-moments-of-pure-manlove-from-team-usa/gallery/) is tugging at my unattached heart, I must admit :P

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

C'mon, you know you want to support the underdogs. The way way under underdogs :D

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

As an english person I'm sorry. Entire country is watching them with a sceptical expression on our faces and the sports radio, Radio 5 Live, actually produced a parody of Bad Romance detailing all our shortcomings entitled 'At Least We're Not France'. But they've pulled their socks up in the last match so they're okay now. Ish.

welll.... good players don't have to be tall. Half the Brazilians and Argentinians aren't. The North Europeans just tend to breed big and train for speed and bulk due to how we play the game (watching our side against the Algerians was scary. Giants vs little green people!) and being too tall is a disadvantage in most cases, reserved for goalies and Peter Crouch, freakish good-humoured stick insect that he is. Defoe is only about 5'6 or so.

I would also like to apologise on behalf of my country for Rooney and his ability to drag our droolworthy average down. his nickname is Shrek, but we feel that Shrek is better looking. But on the other hand, I can proudly offer up both Coles, Milner, Gerrard and Lampard to combat his ugly. also our useful goalie, James. (one of the few who's consistently earning his keep)

I'm wondering at the moment if we're going to be able to get through an England game without commentary about Terry trying to fuck everything in sight or Ashley Cole shagging everything but his spectacularly gorgeous now split-from wife. Seriously, every time either of them get near another player someone in the audience will come out with a line about this.

also, we are all in favour of shorts getting as short as they did back in the early 90s, when they were practically hotpants.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

LMFAO. It's all right you don't have to apologize for your side, they are just being themselves. Shrek! HA! That parody sounds *awesome* though, and truly at least you are not France. No disrespect my French people, but your side has *mad issues.*