idealists are the cruelest monsters of them all.

So, first I was gonna post and talk about how proud I am that my girl got nominated for an Emmy! Yay for my girl! And thanks to snowybaby for being the first person to be all, guess what! And then I was gonna talk about Southland being ignored, but like, other shows getting recognition (you know who you are). For real, Walton Goggins was robbed. Hell, even Treme got a nom for best directing in a drama (you think I'm being facetious but the Emmys *hate* David Simon, so even one nom is kind of shocking), but then I was like no. No, today we must not be bitter, because today, ladies and gentlemen is the second to last day of the World Cup.

Oh, wait. We're not supposed to be sad. And so, no, we must not be sad. We must rejoice that for the last month we have been continually blessed with the best examples of manhood on the planet. In fact, WaPo has an article, "Field of Dreamy", that sums up why I prefer football (soccer) players and football (soccer) as a sport over every other sport known to man (save special ops training, because that kind of is a sport all on its own, but we'll save that for another day).

"There's a nice balance between the prissy, girly-looking male models in the Abercrombie & Fitch ads and the really burly football/hockey player. . . . They are the perfect middle ground."

It's our evolutionary hard-wiring talking: The way their speed and dexterity hits us says, This man can chase down a mastodon. My children will eat for a month!

"It's the legs," says Daniel Nardicio, vice president of marketing at Playgirl and default man-body expert. "Regular men tend not to think enough about their legs. They think it's about getting big and puffed out on top . . . then have these skinny little legs. Pfft."

In short? FOOTBALL. And so, I will now prepare for the closing of my favorite time of every four years (::sob::) and in a few hours I will say good-bye to my favorite piece of hotass discovered this year: Mesut Ozil, Germany.

And yes, I can hear you saying, "Really, hackthis? He's kinda wonky looking." To which I reply, "He's like the bastard love child of James McAvoy and SNAFU from The Pacific (which really was a dreadful miniseries. Emmy voters, is your failboat called the Titanic?). But he's got talent and spunk and I adore him and he's got legs like a motherfucking race horse."

Same goes for you Team USA. You can be kinda wonky looking, but you've got talent and spunk and legs like fucking race horses. Clint Dempsey, will you and Carlos Bocanegra and Benny Feilhaber get naked for me?

And then I come to you and ask: World Cup viewers of mine: who is your favorite World Cup hottie? Bring me photo graphic evidence. Here. I will start.

Sekrit aside to fantasticpants: I saw the movie. Wait for Netflix. (ETA: vague Predators spoilers in comments)

Other sekrit aside to those Lambert fans, If you don't get "Whadaya Want From Me?" out of my head immediately I'm sending my ninjas after you.

The Who's That Girl Mix

I feel I should state up front that the entire purpose of this mix, beside to provide awesome music for your ears, is to introduce you to the awesome that is Daphne Willis. She's from Chi town. She plays the guitar. She's not glam or glitz or Auto-Tune (praise Rudy), but she is most definitely talented and I really like her stuff. And y'all know how picky I am. If you like what you hear, please consider buying her CD, What to Say.

And now, on to the mix...

1. Daphne Willis 'Bluff'
2. Robyn 'Fembot' <-- I love the hell out of Robyn. Y'all don't know.
3. Gwen Stefani 'Hollaback Girl'
4. P!nk 'So What?' <-- For every woman who got tired of supporting her man and realized how awesome she is.
5. Sinead O'Connor 'No Man's Woman' <-- For antheia
6. Daphne Willis 'Everybody Else'
7. No Doubt 'Ex-Girlfriend' <-- Yes, Gwen again.
8. Mary J. Blige 'Be Happy'
9. Alicia Keys f/ Stephen Colbert 'Empire State of Mind, Part II'
10. Avril Lavigne 'Girlfriend' <-- For all my Ray people out there
11. Cher 'Believe' <-- For all my people who were club kids in 1999. If you were still in the single digits in 99 please don't tell me.
12. Daphne Willis 'Love & Hate'
13. En Vogue 'My Love (Never Gonna Get It)' <-- Old. Skool. In. The. House.
14. Beyonce 'Irreplaceable' <-- I don't even like Bouncy (as I refer to her), but this song is like ear crack. To the left, to the left.
15. Florence & The Machine 'Oh Darling' <-- Beatles cover
16. Robyn 'Who's that Girl?'

Can be downloaded here

Apparently there is a theme here. I did not realize that when I was putting it together, but there you go.

Also, I just have to say I know a lot of y'all love Lady Gaga and think she, like, shits gold ingots, but that latest song 'Alejandro'? Uh, I liked it better when Madonna did it in the 80s and called it 'La Isla Bonita.' And please don't try and tell me that those two songs don't sound the same.

In other unpopular opinions, have you ever looked at somebody during sex and thought "Wow, your eyes are so dilated with lust?" Yeah, didn't think so.

Landon Donovan, Baby Daddy. Do tell.

Last thing, maurheti why are your boys so hot? Netherlands, how do you do it? Are we taking flutters on Brazil v Chile?

1. Vuvuzelas. Gotta get me one.

2. Alexi Lalas doing commentary for ESPN. THANK YOU FOR GETTING SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. The last, oh let's say since the US started airing the World Cup, the matches have been plagued by US commentators who clearly a) had never seen football in their lives b) had no idea what they were talking about c) probably weren't watching the match they were talking about. So, ESPN, thank you for Alexi. (And Alexi, thank you for shaving and cutting your hair).

2 1/2. And thank you for mixing match commentary with Brits and Americans, because John Harknes you are no presenter and if you didn't have Adrian Healey I'd be watching this on Univision like usual.

3. France. France France France. You know this happened because you nicked Ireland's spot, right? I just... wow y'all. I have never seen self-destruction quite like that.

4. Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey slash? Yes, I think I'd like to read that*. Or any other USA slash you have going on.

*I was watching Dempsey earlier talking to the ref and Donovan came over to pat him on the hip and Dempsey brushed him away, like, "No, not now." And all I could think was, "if not now, then when?" Tell me about when.

5. Bob Bradley looks SO retired military with the shaved head and the craggy hotass features. Please come and order me around, Coach. I will do as many drills as you want. Who knew I had an old (er) man kink like that?

5 1/2. Michael Bradley, do I adore you because of your daddy, or because you wear your serious face all the time? Inquiring minds want to know if you ever smile.

5 1/2 #2. Hiiiiiii, Tim Howard. Hi.

6. Cameroon. Call me. All of you.

7. Portugal, what the fuck man? I was away for 20 minutes. One minute it's 2-0 the next it's 7-0? I mean did you really have to spank them that hard?

7 1/2. Don't talk about Cristiano Ronaldo like he's the Messiah. Just don't. He doesn't shit golden eggs. He is not going to fix the oil spill in The Gulf. Stop blowing smoke up his ass: he is not the second coming of Pele!

8. What I really really appreciate about football is that 60% of any national side is comprised of pure hotassery. Most everyone has talent, but the hotass. If you are not watching the most amazing display of manflash since Rudy was naked in the tent at Camp Mathilda I just... I am sorry for you.

9. Argentina. Maradona is doing it again, people. Buttfuck crazy, but getting the job done. Other countries, TAKE NOTE.

10. England. Really, people? REALLY?

11. Dear players. There has been some seriously appalling ball played in some of these matches. I mean like ballsack ugly. I know you all don't spend so much time together that you walk about with your cocks up each others asses like the league teams do, but can we get a little fucking cohesion? A little bit of fucking teamwork? I could get a pack of 12 year olds off the street and they could communicate better.

Learn how to finish your fucking shots. Oh my god, when will you learn about follow through? Completion! For the love of Rudy! Would you only fuck until you almost came? I think not! So for the love of god, get the ball in the fucking net. That goes for all of you.

12. And so as not to end on a bitter note, I would like to thank every last one of you all over the world for the genetics in your countries that have enabled this World Cup to have the highest concentration of hotass to-date. I know that's not an easy task, but you all came through beautifully. And every time a match is over and shirts are exchanged and bare flesh is exposed, I am grateful.

♥


ETA: I am seriously about to slash the entire USA squad. OMG. Is he crying? I love football (soccer). Y'all don't even know.

ETA #2: Now with visuals courtesy of xenakis_!