Desperate times and all that.

[hackthis_archive]

I have no words to describe my boredom right now. I have no words to describe anything. I'm at the stalemate, and I'm tempted to do that Give me a prompt and I'll write you a two-line story for it.

Yeah, alright, hit me. First fifteen in the door get the prize.* Anything I've already written before is game, no Hermione. Look, I'll even show you how it goes. Example: Request: SGA, Sheppard/McKay (which, um, you could request too even though I don't watch the show)


"So, McKay, what's all this UST business?" Sheppard did that thing he did with his mouth when he was trying to play smart. Rodney wasn’t fooled. "Is it a new strand of the ATA gene?"

"It stands for Unresolved Sexual Tension, Major."

"Lieutenant Colonel."

"Please," Rodney scoffed. "With all this tension I could call you Susan, and you wouldn't care."

"What tension?"

"The sexual tension between us."

"What sexual tension between us?"

"See, that's why it's unresolved! Because you can't admit it's there!"*


*If you're late, you might be able to bribe me with music. I'm partial to Eric B and Rakim, Tom Jones, New Edition, Doug E Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew.

***Okay, that was about ten lines too long, but serialkarma is feeling poorly, so I'm being nice.


ETA: OKAY, offer closed!

Comments

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

SGA, shepperd/mckay

the puddlejumper, wristbands

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The only time Rodney's ever seen anyone wearing a black armband was at a funeral or during a hockey match after someone was stuck in the box unfairly. Neither of those things has happened today as far as he knows, but it's still early.

"What's the hell are you in mourning for this time, Major?" he prods, his tone aiming for sympathetic, but getting stuck around curious annoyance.

"My puddlejumper," Sheppard says forlornly. "Someone scratched it."

[seedyapartment.livejournal.com]

Theodore/Neville at Neville's place.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The tea cups at Neville's flat are chipped; his kettle doesn't sing as much as it complains loudly, and Neville's sofa has prescient springs that always know when Theodore's over. They make rude, lascivious noises whenever Theodore sits down, and Neville colours every time. If it weren't Neville's home, Theodore would burn it to the ground.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

Sark! Sark, Sark, Sark. And his quest for Zero Point Energy leads him to the Atlantis expedition.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

ahahahahahahaha.

Now with 20% fewer typos!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Julian was a patient man -- it was pretty much par for the course when one was a hired gun. You couldn't be getting up to go to the loo or checking the live rounds in your gun every five minutes when you had a job to do.

His employers paid him a lot of money to ensure that nothing would ever distract him from achieving his objective, and today's objective was ensuring the safety of one Dr. Rodney McKay back to something called a Stargate. The catch was that no one had bothered to tell Julian about Rodney McKay's ability to irritate the snot out of everyone with a ten-kilometre radius.

Julian didn't give a toss about Zero Point Energy in the first place, and he uncharacteristically pulled out his gun and checked to make sure there were no live rounds in the chamber. It was just a safety precaution of course, but Ronon Dex would be very upset if Julian killed his client before he returned him to Antartica.

[2am-optimism.livejournal.com]

BSG Lee/Anders (um - I'm presuming you've seen s2?)

Pyramid


Otherwise

Gaeta/?

Cigarettes

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Lee and ANDERS?! Uhhhhhhhhhh, okay. I'll come back to you after I think on this a moment. You cheeky so and so.

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

NFL: Tom Brady and ME

HP, Remus/Sirius.

Because I am mean. :P

[callmesandy.livejournal.com]

grey's anatomy

george. woke up naked on the floor. :)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Waking up naked on the floor is not the end of the world. After all, there's all sort of waking naked on the floor. There's waking up naked with another person, which, hello, awkward. There's waking up naked locked outside of your house on the front lawn, which, hello, embarassing. And then there's waking up naked on the floor of the house you share with two women who've recently been jerked around by men, and that might be the worst of all, because there's a tape measure involved.

"Oh my god!" George had no idea his voice could go that high, and he covers as much as exposed area as he possibly can while scrabbling away from Meredith and Izzie.

"I think we're the ones who should be talking to God," Izzie says with a smirk, showing George a lot of measuring tape. "He clearly blessed you more than any other man we know."

[literaryll.livejournal.com]

Draco/Goyle :)

Did you really think I would say anything else?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I still have the drawing you gave me, so you know I haven't forgotten about you :)

[daraq.livejournal.com]

Vince and E through Ari's eyes, por favor.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

We watched the marathon on HBO this past weekend. Hours upon hours of my cooing howling at Ari. I heart Ari Gold.


Ari's not anybody's yenta, but if he were he'd tell Eric to get the fuck over Vince. And then he'd tell Vince to get the fuck over Eric, because they're both acting like little bitches. And then Ari'd buy them both blowjobs from the trannies outside of the Formosa. Actually, since they put up that Target on La Brea all the trannies have moved to Highland, but fuck all that noise. Ari's not a yenta, so he just rolls his eyes and thanks the gods of MGM and Sony that Eric can't get Vince pregnant.

[ladydey.livejournal.com]

Because now there will never be enough:

Kitchen Confidential

Jack/Steven

Prompt: NYC Transit Strike -- 'What do you mean all we have in stock is peanut butter?!?"

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The thing about the transit strike that got to Jack wasn't that there was a transit strike, since he was still sleeping in the back office it wasn't as though he had to travel to get to work or anything. No, what really pissed Jack off was that no one else -- with the exception of Steven, who was always an exception to any rule -- lived on the island. This meant that Jack had no sauteman and no dishwasher and no grillman, even Seth hadn't come into work because he'd been visiting his grandmother in Jersey and Jack had just hung up on him when he'd called because Jack couldn't run a restaurant with just him and Steven and a patisser. Although Steven begged to differ. "It's all right, mate, we can serve'em all peanut butter sandwiches."

Jack rolled his eyes and turned away. "If you can't be helpful then shut up and get steal me something that can."

And that was about when Steven flung a large glob of peanut butter in Jack's hair.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

omg, you wrote SGA! all it took was my deathly illness! *heart*

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

ooh, also, can I request something? Can I request KC too? gen, prompt: sea bass, grouper, dolphin (gee, where did THOSE come from?)

[scribblinlenore.livejournal.com]

Clark/Lex, somebody made a big mistake. I'll also throw in an icon, completely optional, if that inspires.

(I'll understand if you don't actually want to write SV, btw)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

"It could've happened to anyone."

The minute the words came out of Clark's mouth, he knew he'd screwed up, but by then it was too late, because Lex was turned interesting shades of white and red and if he'd be wearing a blue shirt, it would've been very patriotic.

Apparently, Lex wasn't getting the joke and he narrowed his eyes menacingly. "There is a reason I have a housekeeper, Clark," he said, shaking the pink boxers in Clark's face. "It's so that my clothes aren't tainted by the Super!Dork uniform.

Clark scowled. "There's no reason to resort to name-calling just because I tried to do a good deed!"

"Doing the laundry isn't a good deed!" Lex admonished. "Saving a kitten is a good deed, and about all you're good for right now anyway. Go away, I can't talk to you when all my clothes look like I just left a Greatful Dead concert."

Clark didn't pout right away, he restrained himself for at least four whole seconds. "Just remember that the next time you want clean socks," he said before brushing past Lex and going to the living room.

Clearly no good deed went unpunished.

[goss.livejournal.com]

er...something Narnia? :)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Sorry, darling, never read Narnia. Second option?

[nifra-idril.livejournal.com]

Uhm, I think I'm going to give you the last line I wrote of a Six/Gaius fic that's about to be totally jossed and then never posted, mainly because I never finished it and large parts of it are just full of badness. But, yeah, so here you are:

Battlestar Galactica, Six/Gaius -- And you? Do you hate?

Her teeth sharp and bared in the dark, and her fingers digging into his naked thigh, and her growl against his neck, What do you think?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

He does not understand her; she knows this. She tells herself it doesn't bother her, because she understands herself enough for both of them. She understands herself and she understands him, and she cannot ask anything more of her God. Sometimes, however, sometimes the love she feels for Gaius taints her mind, and she wishes she could be released from it. She wishes she didn't love him as much as she does, and that is when she hates him. She hates Gaius, and she hates her God, and she wishes that she could be something other, something more human and less Cylon. Something that didn't think so much when Gaius was naked underneath her, but she is herself and she can ask for nothing more. And when she asks herself And you? Do you hate? she knows the answer is yes, and it's then that she realises this is her god's gift to her.

He has made her more human than she thinks she is.

[oxoniensis.livejournal.com]

Eeeeee! You wrote SGA! I love it!!

OK, a prompt for you. *tries to think really, really fast, and fails*

Brokeback Mountain, Jack/Ennis, tin.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, I wrote SGA twice, and judging by the requests it's about to be three times. Egads. I've been brainwashed by all the brilliant writing and the porn, oh won't someone create a new fandom already? Ahem. For you:

Since Jack has stopped sleeping with the sheep and started sharing his bedroll with Ennis, Ennis has become a better man, a happier man. It's not that Ennis is drinking less, or working more, or that the weather has improved at all -- it's just that in those first moments of waking with Jack next to him, anything is possible for Ennis. Before his eyes are wide open, Ennis could be anywhere with Jack -- but he's always with Jack, and as long as his eyes are closed they can have everything. They can have this, and it's not a lot, but it has to be enough for when his eyes are open.

[sorcha-feanor.livejournal.com]

SGA, shepperd/mckay...ummm anything!!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It was like this: Rodney didn't like Sheppard, but that didn't stop him from finding him hot. It was the sort of sense that made no sense at all, but it was Rodney and this was Atlantis, and in the absense of any sort of mathematical equation of paradigm that could explain this phenomenon, he was going to have to take this like a man. So he did what any man would do and blamed Sheppard.

"I'm sorry, I must've mis-heard this particular bit of insanity," Sheppard said. He was doing that thing he did with his mouth and his tongue. It was the breathing thing. It was distracting.

"It's not insanity, you pea-brained moron," Rodney snapped. "It's just not sane."

Sheppard peered at Rodney closely. "You think that insulting me is going to help?"

"I don't want help!" Rodney retorted. "I want to know how you're doing it! Is it your hair? Is it Atlantis? What sort of mojo are you working on me that's making my IQ decrease so dramatically?"

Sheppard opened his mouth as though he were going to say something and then thought better of it. "Not telling," he said eventually. "It's a secret."

Rodney narrowed his eyes. "You can't keep a secret from me!"

Sheppard just winked. "Just watch me."

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Am I in? Did I make it?

Vorenus/Pullo, Rome.

Or Sark and Jack and Irina, Alias.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You always do this to me and I always fall for it. Nuts.

*cracks knuckles and ponders*

Titus Pullo is capable of great things. He is capable of great strength and great bravery, but also of great folly and great stupidity. Vorenus knows this as Caeser knows this, and Vorenus knows that if Pullo were someone besides Pullo then Vorenus would not be alone in the Senate, but wishing Pullo to be something else would require him to be someone else and Vorenus cannot have that either. Vorenus cannot have a great many things it would seem, but he contents himself with his life with Niobe and their children and believes this is enough.

[mellafe.livejournal.com]

Damnit. Can't wait for some Sark and George though.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Ah, I think I can kick out one more for you ;) Ahem.

"Good morning, I'm Dr O'Malley," George began, pulling back only to stop and stare. The patient stared back at him blandly, reholstering his sidearm nonchalantly and shifting his weight to display a vast expanse of bare skin. "You can't have guns in the hospital," George said matter-of-factly, clutching the chart to his chest, and resolutely not noticing that his patient was tan in the middle of December.

The patient smiled. Not the tiny, worried patient smile that George was used to getting, but the big shark smile that George only saw on Alex or Dr Bailey before she ate someone whole. "I have a permit," the patient said, reaching over the far side of the bed.

"NO!" George shouted covering his face with the chart. "No! No! No! Don't shoot me!" George hollered.

It took George a moment to realise that the entire ward was staring at him, and he lowered the chart sheepishly. The patient just smirked and shook a black button-down Oxford at George. "It's a bit chilly in here," he said matter-of-factly. "I came here to have my arm looked at, not catch cold."

George colored fiercely. "I'm so sorry, Mr," he glanced at the chart, "Mr Sark."

Mr Sark just gave George another smirk. "I'm sure it could happen to anyone."

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Um, um. KC, Seth-centric (I almost wished this for Yuletide and now I wish I had because KC cancelled, wah).

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Oh, and prompt word: marzipan.

[bunglegirl.livejournal.com]

Everwood: Bright/Ephram lost on a roadtrip or other adventure

I'm emailing you a MP3 in payment.

[bunglegirl.livejournal.com]

I wish more writers I like (like you) wrote Prison Break!

[zoetrope.livejournal.com]

*gasp!* You're writing SGA? And when I've just watched a three hour marathon of BSG?! It's like the world has turned on its head...!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

BSG! BSG! BSG! I only wrote SGA because people won't stop talking about it and manip'ing it and there's nothing else to read! - and no one is writing anything else, anywhere in the world. I was lost in the desert! *pouts and points at all guilty partys like zoetrope*

I'd much rather have Lee/Helo/Chief/Kara anyday, but nobody's working with me here. Just saying. *sulks*